Tuesday, December 18, 2012

so down lately..

I feel weird right now. I don't even know how to describe it. Chlobug is in her swing sleeping with her soother and Monkey is in her crib napping. It's getting dark in here already which makes me not want to do anything. Actually right now I would just love to crawl into a dark hole and disappear but I can't because have to take care of the kids - or even really laying down under the covers and listening to music and letting my mind fly away. The last few days I have been taking a long hot shower to have a little time to myself after Chris gets home. I really just feel hopeless and lost and I am sick of worrying about if Chlobug is going to be okay. She ate really shitty a few days ago and then was breathing really weird all day long and part of the night. She randomly has been making these weird noises as well. I don't even know how to describe it, it's like she is going to choke on her spit but stops breathing and then a few moments later she is fine. I don't know whether I should be concerned and take her to the doctor or what. I really hate that her next appointment is Feb 7th. That is over 6 weeks away! I thought babies were checked over more often especially if they are breast fed.?She has been pooping enough and peeing decently but the last few days again she has been having trouble latching. I don't know why? She also is spitting up a lot to which after the air comes out and the spit up she just wants to eat again. I am getting tired of feeling like a milk cow or something. She is eating 12 times a day. I hope it gets better because I don't know how long I can go on like this. I am so afraid of dealing with the constant plugged ducts again.

I really wish that Chris was home right now though. I need to take a break from everything. A nice hot shower sounds wonderful to me right now. I hate winter and it's dark at 4:30. Chris always seems to get home really late as well. I'm so behind in everything and I really just wish all this weight from both pregnancies was gone. The worst is I really can't even work out yet since I am only two weeks post partum.

Also Chlobugs belly button thing fell off on the 8th and since then there is always dried blood in her belly button. I hope it's normal but it gets on the inside of her jammies or on my clothes when I am feeding her. We gave her her first bath in the actual bath tub on the weekend and we wiped the blood out but there were more crusties there again soon after. She doesn't like the bath at all. She screamed her head off every time so far. UGH I don't think I can handle this much longer. I think everything would be better if I was just formula feeding her. A lot of the stress would be off me and Chris would be able to help with the overnight feedings. But I have this mommies guilt since I stuck it out with Monkey for almost 7 months. I also don't want to regret stopping either. This time around it's not so bad it just sucks feeding her after dark and at night. Although she for the most part sleeps for at least 4 hours overnight. Still though I hate getting up in the middle of the night and being cold to feed her. She obviously is getting enough though since she is peeing enough and these are nice heavy diapers so I don't know what to think. I hope it gets better soon though. I hate to think that maybeIi am suffering a bit from post partum depression!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

off to the hospital again..and the doctor..

(written 22/03/2013)

We went to see the lactation consultant at the hospital today. I really did not want to have to go and was sort of angry that I was just there the day before! This time I had to walk all the way up by myself and I was only 3 days after giving birth. That wasn't really fun but at least mom was still down so she watched the monkey. We also had to go to the doctors to get chlobug checked out which also was not fun either.

Anyways the consultant really helped me. She suggested using a simple sns system that did sort of what the nurse the day before did. This time it was a tube that was attached to a syringe. She just sucked up some formula (although she said of course I could use expressed milk as well but since I didn't have any with me we just used that) so we got the baby to latch then she slipped it into her mouth and every time she stopped nursing she pushed the plunger and then the baby would start eating again. I was so amazed! I couldn't help but think why the hell the other consultant that was at the hospital before not suggest this to me with monkey? This not only helped her to keep eating and thus not having to fight with her for hours on end at feeding time (which was really exhausting with monkey) but also stimulated my body to know that it needed to produce more milk. She said that we probably would only need to do that for a few days until she wasn't as sleepy as she was.
She also answered my question on how to know if you have a good latch. I mean I knew to look for the flanged lips but I hated that everything stated to get as much of the tissue in as possible. That always confused me because how do you know you have enough? She answered me but I had to specifically ask her that as long as the lips are flanged it is all good. I knew that if I hadn't asked again in a more direct fashion like that I would be at home worry constantly that she wasn't getting the proper amount or whatever. She gave us the simple sns kit and we were on our way. I felt like this time that nursing had to be better and I was totally confident but at the same time I didn't know if I wanted to do this. I set myself a goal of 6 weeks again first and see how it went.

Then we were off to the doctor. Everything was fine here. I really wish I could find where I wrote down how much she weighed. I need to find that because I know I have it somewhere along with her other measurements

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

the hospital stay and finally going home with our new little bean!

(writing this next part in march 21st so I forget a lot now)

I really wish that I would have wrote this down sooner then now but better late then never.
It was awesome that Chris was with me but he probably didn't get a lot of sleep. But neither did I so we were even. The baby kept us up that's for sure. I was nursing but I was feeling like it was going all wrong again and it was starting to hurt a lot. The night nurse said that she would put me on the list for the lactation consultant to come see me and it would probably be in the morning. The day nurse that came in checked my latch and said that it was fine but I looked down and didn't see how she thought that. It turns out because she thought it was good she told the lactation consultant not to bother coming to see me! I mean when I heard that I was a little mad! I guess I can understand that she was already booked solid but still!! Please don't make that judgement for me especially when I was having nipple pain and had so much trouble the first time around AND I was not confident at all.

It was hard to get in and out of bed and go to the washroom which is to be expected and it really sucks! I hate this part. I probably would have had an easier time nursingif I could sit up properly and not have my back like totally killing me and not being able to shift to much. I had my nursing pillow this time as well and lots of pillows around me.Another good thing about having a private room (and ours was at the end of the hallway which was even better) was that I felt comfortable with taking a shower and not worrying that someone else needed to use the bathroom! It was SOOO nice!

We didn't bring that much stuff with us like the last time and we still didn't really use to much. We didn't bother even to get phone in my room or TV. Although honestly this time around maybe the TV would have made time go by a bit faster. It really wasn't fun sitting staring at the wall all day long.

The next day (monday), Chris went home to get mom and monkey. We wanted monkey to meet her little sister before we brought her home. On the way back Chris stopped at little Caesars and bought a few pizza's. They were way better then the hospital food! I did try to eat my meals that they gave me as much as possible since I hate wasting food but they were pretty gross and very bland. It was a good visit and I was so happy to see monkey. I missed her terribly and I don't know if it was partly after birth hormones or post partum depression but the night before I was extremely sad and depressed since I knew that our relationship would change. I wouldn't have all the time in the world to focus just on her, and I missed that she used to bring me books to read during the day and want to sit on me when I read them. I missed her cute little face soo much. So I was so happy to see her when Chris brought her in with mom. I was still pretty sad watching her play in the room though. I was afraid that she was going to feel abandoned once we were all home considering all the time I would need to focus on the baby. We also weren't really sure how she was going to react to the baby because we didn't think she understood at all that we were having another baby. She just sort of looked at her and really wasn't to sure about her at all. Then she just ignored her lol.
This day was long and I knew that the night was going to be long as well. I was relieved when they finally took my IV out so I could move around easier! Not that I did much of that but still. Chris took mom and monkey home and then came back. We tried to get as much sleep as possible but it wasn't that easy to do so. The next morning (the 4th) is when I found out the day nurse had told the lactation consultant not to bother coming to my room, but she did see if she had time available for me the next day (wed). Luckily there was.

The baby passed all her testing and the milking of the foot for blood wasn't as bad as it was with monkey for which I was thankful. I was still having trouble with nursing and getting really frustrated. The baby was starting to fall asleep and stop nursing just like monkey did. There was no way I was going to be able to spend that much time with the baby as I did with Monkey. The day nurse was amazing though and I really wish I remembered her name.
They had a girl there that was learning taking my blood pressure etc and she went and got the nurse when I asked if she was coming around sometime because I was having troubles. She was so amazing. She saw what I meant when I said she was falling asleep almost immediately and went and got some sugar water or something and showed us that when she stopped nursing to drop a drop in the corner of her mouth and she would start again. It worked so well I was so relieved!! She said that we could also use some sterilized water as well when we got home. She spent a lot of time with me before we were released. I told her about the troubles with nursing monkey and how stressful it was. She told me that often times people are to hard on themselves and give up because they feel like the baby is getting nothing when in fact it is because they were so stressed to begin with. Stress effects your milk supply. She was like I am going to make a suggestion and it's only a suggestion and I always make sure I say this now because she said she got in trouble once for saying it. But she said I could always nurse the baby then give her an oz of formula or expressed breast milk (if possible) a few times a day so that you know that she is getting something. Just until my milk comes in or even for a few days after that. I was like holy crap why didn't I think of that? I mean I would have literally went home and suffered through it the way I did with monkey and get so stressed out about it that my milk supply probably would suffer again. We talked about other things but she made me feel so hopeful that I could actually do this. She was like you know what before you leave and since I know how the baby has been nursing I would feel more comfortable if before you go that you feed her a bit of formula. She was like it is just a suggestion but said  it would make her feel better and probably me as well. I was like you know what yes lets do that. I was told that the baby was a bit jaundice around this time to and that was another reason why I was OK with feeding her a bit of formula to help flush it out of her system. I was told that she was a bit jaundice offhand and not like just so you know she is a bit I mean seriously!!! I wouldn't have known that she was you know!? I don't even want to think about what would have happened if she wasn't getting enough fluids or whatever, and got worse and I didn't notice or something!! 

Chris fed her a bit from the bottle the nurse gave us. I cant remember how much maybe 10-15mls? But I felt honestly felt SO much better. It felt like forever before we actually left the hospital and this time at the desk we asked about a wheel chair. They seem to not have very many there for some reason? I mean do they actually think that people can make it all the way down to the pick up area after giving birth?? I did make it the last time but I almost passed out in the process and it's hard to walk really slowly because you feel so stupid! The walk is pretty far as well. The helpful nurse found one and wheeled me down while Chris carried the baby. I then waited inside while he went with the baby to get the car. Even that much tired me out! But I was SO happy to be home and able to sleep in my own bed.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

It's TIME!!!

(This was written Dec 11th 2012 :)

So I woke up at 4am with what I figured was contractions. I didn't wake Chris up just yet though. I kept timing them. They seemed to be coming every 3 mins pretty regularly. They were not to intense yet I could still talk through them but they weren't the nicest feeling at all. Finally I woke him and said I think I'm in labour. So he timed a few. I wasn't sure if I should call mom yet but since they were pretty steady and if I called her then she might be up in here before we had to leave for the hospital. Chris got me the cell phone and I called her and she said she would be on her way in a few minutes. I got up a few minutes later to go to the washroom and I was bleeding like mega. This freaked me out. I knew that you could get a bloody show along with losing your mucus plug but I wasn't sure how much blood you would lose. I was freaked out by the amount that I was bleeding so we decided to head to the hospital. So I called mom back and told her we were going to go there and we would have to bring monkey with us. Thankfully I had my bags packed already so we gathered all the stuff I needed to bring, then got monkey up. We just put her in her winter jacket in her PJ's and made sure she had a few blankets on her as well. We had the stroller in the trunk already so that wasn't a problem. I felt so bad for having to drag her out of bed. :(

Unfortunately when we got to the hospital it was freaking raining out! We had a few mins of walking to get to the entrance as well which sucked. We draped one of the blankets over the stroller to keep her dry as possible and went in. She was actually pretty good! She had at least 8 hours of sleep by the time we woke up so she wasn't cranky or anything. All my stress for nothing. She was sort of half asleep for awhile so just sat in the stroller and watched us. The nurses hooked me up to the monitors and asked a bunch of questions. Basically eventually they said the baby looked fine and that I could go home and come back when the contractions got were I had a hard time ignoring them. She said it was up to me though and that most people like to go home for a few hours and then come back since that way they can rest and eat something. I was so tempted to stay but I also wanted to be able to eat something so I decided to go home and come back. Thankfully by the time we were ready to leave Tam called on the phone and said they were in the parking lot. I told them I was going home for a bit so we would meet them there.

My contractions were getting worse by the time we got home but they still weren't that bad. They were just uncomfortable. This morning was surreal I have to say, since I spent so much time freaking out about labour, going into labour, when it was going to happen, what we would do with monkey etc and now it was here and I wasn't stressed about any of that. It just seemed natural. I ate a bagel and cream cheese then decided to go lay down on the bed since it was more comfortable then sitting on a chair out with everyone. Eventually though they were getting to bad that I felt like I just wanted to be at the hospital and that way I could relax since I didn't want to be almost giving birth and being stuck in traffic on the way or something.

So we went back and Mom and Tam watched monkey at the house for us. I was hooked up to the monitoring machines again. The doctor on that day wasn't my doctor but she was pretty nice. She was the same one that was there when I went in for my leg being swollen. I was admitted and got to pick my room. They said that the huge room with two wall of windows was open or room 3 which was smaller. I walked into the big one and was like umm nope lol. I felt like everyone and there uncle could see in! The nurse said most people think the same thing and go for the smaller room. The nurse went to get the tub ready while we went to the room and Chris and the doctor in training brought our stuff in. She was super nice as well.

So we got settled in our birthing room while we waited for the tub to be ready. Thankfully they waited until I was out of the tub before putting my IV in. Being in the tub again was nice!! It was super hot though which worried me but it was nice to sit in it for awhile. Like last time though even though I wish I could have stayed in there the whole time I started to get really hot and just wanted to get out.

So when I got back into my room the IV was put in by the doc in training. The nurse put a couple of emla patches on the back of my hands since the doc in training (I cant remember her name) was going to do it. She has done it before but needed more practice. OMG it hurt like hell and I swear she was like pushing the needle in but sideways. I don't even know but my hand really hurt by the time she was done. I made the mistake of looking at one point since afterwards the doc commented that I looked better and that I went pretty white at one point. lol.

After this it was pretty much a waiting game. Pretty much right after I got into the room and had my IV in we talked about an epidural and she said that they would call it down and get the stuff set up for the doc when he came. I am so glad for that since my contractions were getting worse and it was all I could do to get through them. I was pretty close to tears a few times and it was so hard to breath. I had Chris's hands every time it peaked but that really didn't help. I was SO FREAKING RELIEVED WHEN they said he was there. I had asked one of the nurses when we first went in the wee hours of the morning how long you would have to wait. She said usually from the time it was called down it was about 20 mins and it rarely goes for an hour. It never goes longer then an hour. Well I tell you my luck it was an hour wait. Like I said I was never more relieved when they said that he was there. I remember at one point one of the nurses came in and said he should be here soon it usually never takes this long. I remember one said that he was in the ER or something which made me cringe because who knew how long it would be then. The few contractions that I had while he was doing it still sucked ass but at least I knew pain relief was on its way. The contractions just got less and less painful and finally went away. I think it must have been close to 2pm at this time. Chris was thinking of going to get food and I told him that he better go then since the last time I had an epidural it seemed like after I had it the rest of my labour went quickly. So he started to leave but ran into Mom and his mom in the hallway. They came in and talked to me for a few moments then went to go get something to eat. I thought Chris would get food and come back but he ended up eating with them.
Of course 10 mins after he left and the nurses left I started feeling pressure. I had no idea what to do since hello I can't get out of bed! I couldn't find the call button at first. I tried the one that was on the bed railing but that didn't work. I was starting to panic and I just happened to look far enough to my left up on my pillow and I saw the red button. Instant relief! I guess I could have started yelling if I got that desperate. So someone came in and said I was okay. She checked to make sure baby wasn't there lol. The pressure just got worse and worse though. I thought it was bad to not push when you felt that though? Guess not because it seemed like a long time before they told me to push.

The nurse that was looking after me eventually came in and said that she wanted to see how I would do pushing so we did a few. Then left to go tell the doctor I guess. Chris was back at some point. Then it was just a matter of waiting for them to come back and get me to push again. She did have to give me a bit of pitocin I think because once I started actively pushing the pressure started to back off. The little bit helped get it going again. So I pushed for I don't know how long, maybe 20 mins? At this time I think both docs were there. I remember the nurse helping the head come out.  I guess all of a sudden the head was out they screamed for me to stop pushing. I looked up and the one doc in training like whipped her sweater off and threw it against the window while the nurse ran to get her a gown. I guess they didn't expect the baby to come out that fast. After that it was really small tiny pushes and the baby slide right out. They clamped the cord and got Chris to cut it. The one doc in training said something about she is a cutie. I looked at Chris and was like is it a girl? He was like yep.

They didn't have to take her away so they put her up on my chest. All I could think about was how tiny her bum was in my hand and how sticky she was. But it was nice to cuddle like that for a bit. They did have to do some repairs though so it was a bit of a wait with stitching again. I don't think the tear was as bad as last time though. They eventually took her to weigh her and she was 7lbs 11 oz. One pound lighter then monkey. I tried nursing for a bit before we were going to go tell mom and Chris's mom. They decided to bring me to our private room before shift change. I guess usually they wait until after because it was so close to shift change but decided to do it before. So I got a wheel chair ride down and seen Chris's mom in the hallway. I think the one doc helped Chris with the bags again and him and my mom and his followed us to the room.

The bed I was put in was so comfortable at first! haha only at first after awhile it felt hard as a rock! But it was nice to be laying down again and not in the ward room. Chris's mom said that when she saw the nurse wheel me past she though she saw blue on the blanket and thought that we had a boy but nope lol. The blanket was standard and had both a blue and pink strip. They were excited to meet their new granddaughter though. It was also really nice to have Chris there with me and to help me. I also found the nurses to be nicer or more helpful or something then when I was in the ward room for some reason. But maybe that was only because the nurses I had themselves were nicer.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Anxiety, it is getting so close!

I had my doctors appointment on thrus (nov 29th). everything seemed good, the scale is still around 220 (yuck!!!) and babies heart rate was at 140 which he said was also good. I guess I was only 1 cm dilated so he did a membrane sweep, which really wasn't not fun at all! Thankfully that is over with. So we scheduled an appointment for next friday. He said if I make it to that one then we would talk about how to proceed. I keep thinking this baby will come on the 8th but who knows. I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore since its uncomfortable and tiring walking or standing to much and trying to sleep. But I am still freaking out about actual going into labour and delivering. Plus I probably will be stuck at the hospital for a few days. The only good thing with that is we are getting a private room so that might make it better. Although 200 a day sucks ass.

After the appointment we went to pick up monkeys Christmas photos since they were in. Unfortunately there was only one girl there and she was taking photos so I had to wait for like 10 mins. I normally wouldn't have cared but I am 39 weeks pregnant, I was starting to overheat and I really just wanted to go home! Plus I was super tired since the night before we went to bed late, then I had a pain in my left side that went away but came back 30 mins later and it was horrible! It might have been the way I was sleeping.  But I was uneasy sleep because I was wondering if I was going to go into labour then. No such luck.

Yesterday when I got up for the day I was thinking about monkeys pictures and sure enough they didn't give us our freaking Christmas cards that came with the package we bought. Everything else was there though. I called and they said just to come get them. I was annoyed though since I didn't want to have to go back there especially this close to my due date!

Thankfully Chris went there today. It was nice that I didn't have to leave the house. He said that the line up was insane in there so it took him a bit to get to the cash to ask about the cards. Still hello! thanks for giving them to me when I went there the first time! shesh.

I think I might be losing the mucas plug though, hopefully that means that my cervix is softening! I wish labour was over with. I don't know how I am going to be able to handle a new baby and monkey as well. Chris mentioned the other day that he wished that he had that extra week of holidays now to take after I had the baby. I now agree as well although it was nice to have that week off together in August even though I was to tired to do anything much. My anxiety keeps going up and down :( I just want to meet the new little bean and have this horrible delivery part over with!! lol

10:30 pm:  It still seems like I am losing my mucus plug, some still tinged with blood. I have been having more intense braxton hicks contractions I guess. Not painful but still uncomfortable. I'm so not ready for this. The worst is, is that it's night time! I don't want to have to get mom to drive up here in the middle of the night. I hope if it comes down to that my sister will come with her! :( The anxiety of possibly having to bring monkey to the hospital is starting to suck and I have no idea when to call mom? Like if they keep happening of course but what happens if they aren't as intense or I don't get anymore do I wait or just call her and see what she thinks? I would have for her to have to drive all the way up here for nothing. At least if she comes up she will be here just in case, but then I might be okay tomorrow then she would have to go home and come up again? ahhh this sucks I hate once again being so far away from them!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Almost time...

So I am started to get serious anxiety about giving birth again. I don't really have a choice seeing as I am due next week but am sooo not ready. I just don't know if I can handle going through the whole not getting any sleep, trying to nurse, not being able to walk around easily the first week and then I have monkey to watch as well. I think mom is planning on helping me at least for a few days so that will be awesome.

I just really want everything to be over with. I hate not knowing when it will start. Today the baby must be right in my pelvis because it has been hurting a lot today (and probably the past few days as well) . My stomach is sooo huge and looks likr a beach ball. I don't remember it looking like that with Monkey. I'm still nervous though! Babies are so much work and I am always tired now and don't get anything done as it is :( GAH! I hope though labour starts during the day and mom can get here to watch Monkey when I need to go to the hospital and that labour starts gradually. UGH when will this be over?

Mom called this morning to give me her cell number and JP's in case she isn't home if I call. She says she looked up when the full moon was and thought she better give me the numbers today since the full moon is tomorrow night. Guess we will see!

I was having a strange dream last night. I don't remember alot but I do remember that I was at the hospital, even though this hospital and town reminded me of no town I have ever seen in my life. Anyways I needed to get to the other part of the hospital that for some reason was not in the same building and I think I was in labour. I have no idea where Chris was and for some reason Tammy's ex (Chris's sister) was going to drive me there but instead he stopped at a grocery store first to get some stuff. He was taking forever that I finally got annoyed and left to find the place myself. It seemed to take forever to find and then get inside. I think I finally did but I felt like I was going around in circles. I don't really remember what happened there but then I was where Chris was and he was mad at me for some reason. I guess because I didn't call him or something even though I had at one point tried my hardest to. He wouldn't talk to me and I was freaking out because I was in labour? Weird dream.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Doc appointment and other rambles..

I had another doctors appointment yesterday (mon) he had my results back from the strep B swab thing I had to do a week before at the last one. It came out neg so that is one less thing to worry about. This appointment went okay. Nothing worrying me and everything seems to be normal. It was a long wait though which sucked. We got there and the whole place was full! So that and monkey not wanting to sit still made it a tad bit stressful for me. I am glad that my weight seems to have stopped rising. It's around 218 I think. Ugh I hate even thinking about that number or looking at it but it is what it is and when this baby is born I can start to lose the weight. (ha it was hard for me to even admit that in my blog!)

I am starting to get more and more anxious since I have no idea what labour coming on naturally feels like. We asked him when is a good time to go to the hospital and he said when contractions get to be about 7 mins apart it is sometimes a good time to go in. The sucky part is that monkey will have to come with us but I think if I start to feel contractions I can call mom and hopefully someone will be able to come up before I have to go to the hospital. For the last few weeks, off and on, I have been having menstrual like cramps. Although it seems like there are more of them this past week and more like braxton hicks contractions. It feels so weird when my stomach gets so hard. I guess I better get as much sleep as I can now because soon I will have none and no time to nap unless Chris is home.

Monkey is as cute as ever. Her sayings now include 'oh no!' 'I see it' (she normally says this and points to the lights), and 'lets go see (grandma, grandpa etc)'. I just love her to death. She is getting so big and she constantly wants me to read to her which is awesome but I have to say I do get tired of reading the same book over and over but I am happy that she takes an interest in reading!

The saturday that just past we took her to the mall to get pictures with Santa! It was his first day being there and that is definitely the time to go since there was hardly a line up. She sat on him without any freak outs although she wouldn't look at the camera to much. But the photo we got of her is cute! We get to get the Christmas photos we had done at Walmart next week sometime.

I think at my next appointment which is next Thurs he is going to check to see if I am dilated at all and he may be doing that sweep thing. Which I am not looking forward to since it was not the funnest the last time. I am so ready to not be pregnant but at the same time I don't want to go through all that again! AHhh at least we have baby names now though. The baby is still so freaking active and today especially. There can't be to much room left in there since it sort of is uncomfortable when the baby stretches or kicks or punches or whatever the baby is doing. I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl though!! So exciting.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

anxiety is starting to suck..

I'm starting to get really anxious about labour. It basically could happen anytime. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore but at the same time I am not ready to have to feed a baby a lot, deal with barely being able to move and deal with monkey all at the same time. The thought just exhausts me. I'm not sure how monkey is going to react to the new baby either. I am confident that nursing might be better this time around since I sort of know what I am doing and I have learned from my many mistakes. I am not looking forward to getting no sleep though. At least this time around right from the start we have the swing. I think that will help a lot. I still don't want to go through labour though lol.

Last night we talked about names again and I think we made good progress. Although spelling is something we have yet to completely decide on since the  names we picked can be spelt various ways. It's nice to have that sort of settled.
 There are still a few random things I need to pack for the hospital that I really should get my butt on that but at least most of it is done. I still need to boil the two small baby bottles as well in case I can't nurse for whatever reason. I just don't know how I am going to be able to spend that amount of time nursing when monkey will want me to pay attention to her or read to her or something. Hopefully the first few days I am home someone else will be with me (like Chris or my mom) so they can keep her occupied while I nurse the baby.

I have been having weird dreams but I can never really remember them lately since they were complicated it seemed. Last night I had one again but this time I knew it had to do with the baby. All I remember is that I was upset that Chris installed the baby seat in the car wrong since it was so easy to move around and it wasn't even hooked into the shell. There was more to it but I forget now. It was one of those back and forth dreams where you never make any progress. It sort of sucked. I was relieved to wake up. The funny thing is I know that that seat in the car doesn't move at all and it's pretty secure so I don't know where that worry came from.

I really hope labour doesn't start out really horrible but gradual. I have no idea what natural labour feels like since I was induced the last time. Oh geez just thinking about that makes me not want to go through it again lol. But in the end it will be worth it since we will have another little one running around  and being all cute.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

back is killing me..

omg I don't know what I did to my back but it is killing me right now! It didn't hurt at the start of the day I don't think but definitely got worse as the day went on. I was soo happy when Chris came home because that meant that I didn't have to pick up monkey anymore. It sucked having to put her in and take her out of her crib when I tried to get her to nap or anytime that I had to change her bum or when I put her in her high chair. I hope it feels better by tomorrow morning or this is going to suck. Ugh this sucks!

Tomorrow is Chris's birthday and I plan on making lasagna for supper. Hopefully I will be able to move :( I have no idea what I am going to do if I cant! ughhh why can't it be the weekend already.

Monkey was so cute today. Around 11 am Max and Ruby was on and Ruby was trying to play twinkle twinkle little star on the piano but her brother kept interrupting her. I wasn't really paying attention to the TV to much but I realized that monkey was singing and it sounded SO MUCH like twinkle twinkle little star. Most of the words were gibberish or at least I couldn't understand them but all the words at the end were almost totally clear! I also love when she plays with her farm set and animals or the sesame street characters with the store front and she is talking like they are talking to each other. It's so cute to watch her. Her voice even goes up and down. I could listen to her do that all day long!

To my relief she also had a poop today. It wasn't that big but it was at least all one lump instead of a bunch of turdlets and it seemed a bit more then yesterday so hopefully we are making some progress. Even though I would say she is still constipated but at least she got some out.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow though since my back is killing me. The baby is so freaking active today. I can tell there isn't to much room in there since sometimes the movement is really uncomfortable. Soon enough I guess.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Getting Anxious..

So the past few days I have been getting more anxious for the baby. I am not really ready house wise for the baby to come. I also hate that I have no idea when it is going to happen. I am 36 weeks along so basically it can happen anytime! A day last week, near the end I had really bad menstrual like cramps in the afternoon which freaked me out! It happened about three times about 20-30 mins apart. I was like noooo not ready but thankfully they stopped.

Yesterday and today again I have been having random menstrual cramps. I think its probably my body getting ready to have the baby. The baby has been moving a lot though so that is good. I never have had to do the whole drink a glass of water and lay quiet and count the movements because the baby has been moving so much. There can't be to much room left in there!

Wow yesterday morning was horrible though. I got monkey up as usual, got her dressed and then put her in the highchair and gave her her breakfast banana flavoured cookie while I got her milk. She drank that and I sat down at the computer beside her to eat my breakfast while she was eating. Then all of a sudden she started crying really hard. She was like shaking at one point which freaked me out. She still had the cookie shoved into her mouth. She did this a bit a week or so ago and I think later Chris said she did the same thing on the weekend. We are pretty sure she must be cutting teeth again since she is constantly chewing on her fingers and sometimes her wooden blocks. So I figured even though the cookie melts in your mouth it's still pretty hard when you bite into it. I figure she hurt her teeth while trying to bit into it. I did try breaking it into smaller pieces and fed her one that she ate but the second one she wouldn't even try to chew it but started crying hysterically again. It eventually melted in her mouth.

I decided at that time to ditch the cookie and bring her to the front room where I had a little bunch of cheerios with her water for her to eat. This is normally what I do, eat the cookie with milk and have a bit of cheerios while watching treehouse in the morning. I put her down by the coffee table and she just kept crying. I tried holding her and rubbing her head to sooth her but nothing was working. I have to admit I was trying really hard to hold my temper. I was getting so angry and it wasn't because she was crying it was out of frustration that I didn't know exactly what was wrong even though I had a good idea, nor could she tell me what was wrong. I felt like such a horrible person, one because I was failing at consoling her and also because I was losing my temper. I was tired as well having not slept very well.

I put treehouse on and had to go call Chris at work since I was so frustrated. She calmed down though and started eating her cheerios and was better. She did give me a dirty look shortly after when I asked her a question though. She furrowed her brown and glared at me! lol. She never did that before. Thankfully though she was back to normal for most of the day. She did start to get cranky like that later on but it was short lived.

So today I decided to fed her oatmeal instead of her cookie and there was no pain or meltdown today. I was defiantly relieved. Except another concern for me is that she is getting constipated even worse then she has been. I am getting frustrated at what to do! I watched her today at around 4:30 strain really hard to push them out! I thought she must have had a big one since she pushed so hard and it was smelly. Chris got home at around the same time so I made him change it (lol ) but there was hardly any in there! I hope tomorrow is better. I think we have come up with a plan to improve her diet since she must not be getting enough fiber. If that doesn't work we will have to take her back to the doctor for advice. Oatmeal in the morning with milk, less then I normally give her of cheerios between breakfast and dinner with water. Lunch will have veggies (peas and corn etc) and avoid processed package foods as much as possible. Supper will be more veggies with prunes and other items but without milk. Maybe she is getting too much milk and dairy. We are going to avoid any other form of dairy for now just to see if it helps. I am really worried that she is going to get to the point where she tries to stop the poop because it is so hard to pass now and make it worse. We probably will give her some prunes probably with both lunch and dinner. It helped before. She is pretty happy otherwise.

Her words and phrases are 'uh oh' 'oh nooo' and yeeehaw.. So freaking cute!

Monday, October 29, 2012


So this is the start of my second week off of work and I love it! I'm actually glad to not be at work today considering that hurricane is just hitting New York and surrounding areas and is on it's way to us. Although we aren't supposed to get it too bad but there have been reports that some areas of the big city are out of electricity. So yeah - also driving in rain while prego at night really is way to stressful for me.

Earlier today around 2 I started having really bad menstral like craps. I actually sort of freaked out since I am NOT ready for this baby to come! Thankfully they stopped. Phew!

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Leg Swelling Freak Out!

It isn't abnormal for me to come home from work with a  swollen feeling in my feet and legs even when I am sitting down for most of my shift. Last night though I came home and commented to Chris that it was really weird that my right leg seemed to be way more swollen then the left (if the left even was swollen). I figured it was just a weird pregnancy thing. Well anyways I randomly decided to look it up and then became REALLY alarmed when I read repetitively that it could be a sign of a blood clot, especially if the swelling is present in just one leg. This is after midnight I might add, so I was already tired and cranky and just wanted to relax before bed. Then this happened. Of course it's a Friday night as well so I couldn't even call my doctor in the morning. I didn't *think* it was a blood clot because I had no pain or red streaking in my leg but I didn't want to take a chance with my life especially when every where is telling me to get it checked out pronto.

So first I called telehealth and talked to a nurse there who basically told me that he recommended I go to the ER. I was so upset and freaking out because like I said before I really didn't want to go anywhere I just wanted to go to bed and sleep! Of course its' the middle of the night! I hate the parking lots at the hospital because the ones closer I have no idea how much they are, who can use them etc. So I always park in the biggest one. It really isn't that far from the er doors but still I am pregnant and it's the middle of the freaking night! Also I had to go by myself because Chris needed to stay home with Monkey.

I had the cell with me though so when I got there I parked as close as I could to the hospital got my cell out and talked to Chris until I got to the doors. I was prepared to kick anyone that came anywhere close to me though. Anyways they sent me up to labour and delivery because of how far along I was and hooked me up to their monitors to make sure the baby was fine. Then asked a million questions and poked my leg a bunch. I think the doctor that was on that night just determined it was normal swelling since I had no pain or red streaking but said she would order an ultrasound anyways because I guess she could see how freaked out I was. So I left dreading that I had to walk back to my car in the middle of the night by myself. You know what I found when I got back to my car? The whole parking lot is EMPTY and there was a really big van/truck parked right beside me! On the driver's door side! Like seriously! haha that annoyed me but I guess that person wanted to park as close to the hospital as they could as well. :( Yeah I am paranoid like that.

So I had to go back to the hospital in the morning and they did the ultrasound. Thankfully she found nothing so I was really relieved. I just have to mention the swelling to my doctor the next time I see him.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

More teeth!

It was a wooden block today (the 'W') that she put into my hand today, which was covered in slobber, I might add. I was talking to Chris on my break at work and he said that he noticed she was doing that as well and she was getting two top teeth on either side, next to the top four she already has! :)

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Monkey has started to grab my hand, turn it over and put a book into it. I think I read 'my funny monkey' to her a million times today! She has done this randomly though before but just a lot all of a sudden. Chris also mentioned that she was doing this to him as well. Today was the first time that she really has done this to me repeatively. Thankfully the book was a short one lol!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Time is flying by!

I have no idea where time is going! It's already the end of September! I remember in July when it was scorching out that it was never going to be this time and here it is! I have about 4 weeks left of work (19 shifts left) although now I am considering a 5th week tacked on to that but I am taking it a week at a time. I have been running the auto machines the last two week ( I pretty much just go to #6 if its running a certain job) since my supervisor a few weeks back kept asking me to run it.  I might as well get there right at the start of the shift instead of quarter after when there are to many parts to catch up easily. I figure until it's not running as an auto or he sends someone else or tells me otherwise I will just do that. It hasn't been to bad. Although now weighing the boxes at the end of the night (there normally is only 4) is starting to get to me. I still hate being at work but at least the shifts are flying by and I am free to use the washroom or go on break whenever I need to.
Monkey is doing well. Last week I watched her have her hippo toy on its side and was putting her sheep toy from the farm set on it and then spinning the wheel and then making angry noises when it went flying off. But she just put it back on and did it again. Crazy kid. It's so fun watching her play because you never know what silly thing she is going to do.

Today she decided that standing up then letting herself fall on her bum was great fun. The last few days she has let me cuddle her. :) She rarely does that so it's nice that she is starting to.

She had to get her 18 month needle on Monday which I was dreading. It was just one thankfully though, and it was another dosage of stuff she has had a few times before. Chris sat her on his lap in front of the computer screen where the nurse had a sesame street video on youtube featuring Feist singing 1234. Her eyes were glued to that and she barely registered that she stuck her arm with a needle. There was no crying or anything. I think we were all shocked but very relieved.  She got a Winnie the poo sticker and that was that.

We did talk to the doctor about her constipation. He said if we can control it with diet that is the way to go but there are kid friendly laxatives if we need it. I have given her prunes regularly before and it really seemed to help so we decided to just try that again.  I also got him to check her ears while we were there because she picks at them sometimes or scrunches her shoulder way up to her ear. I thought it couldn't hurt to get him to check them while we are there and if it was nothing then I wouldn't be going home and worry about it. He said they were both fine. He also checked her stomach to make sure it was soft, which it was. He said somtimes if they have trouble passing stool their poor little tummies get hard! So thankfully it was also okay. He also comment on off hand that she has a nice toddler belly pudge. haha which in the back of my mind I was wondering if that was normal and I am glad that he said that. Her belly is huge! lol.

The only other concern that I had was for the adult pertussis vaccination since there have been cases again in my province and in the States. I guess they are finding that the vaccinations are wearing off.  I'm not as worried about monkey since she is vaccinated for it but I am worried about the new little one that is coming and that me and Chris's protection might be waning. I really don't want to pass it on to my baby since they don't get their first dosage until 4 months! Other then that that was all we had to talk to the doctor about. He said to call back when one of the nurses was in that knows more about it or call the health unit because they would have more information on that vaccination. I don't think I can get it right now anyways since I am prego but still one of the many things I need to do.

Monkey doesn't need to go back for any vaccinations now until she is 4, unless something comes up before then. It's so nice that she doesn't have to have another freaking needle for awhile!

As for my pregnancy I can't believe how quickly it is going by! I am starting to feel it though. I feel huge and heavy and sometimes my pelvis really freaking hurts. It's hard to shift in the bed and I can't lay on my back at all. My legs get swollen really easily especially after getting off at work (and I sit most of the time!). My back starts hurting at work to but not like the last time. But it might be that the parts I was working on last time I had to lean over a table a lot.

The baby is pretty active some of the time and people at work keep commenting that I must be having twins :( lol I know I'm huge but I also only have 2.5 months to go.
Monkeys new saying is 'hi it's me!' sometimes she will say it's mommy or it's daddy. So cute!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I've been feeling less exhausted the past few days which is nice. I still get tired after getting up but am not struggling to stay awake anymore. I probably could go to sleep if I let myself but watching monkey that is definitely out of the question. I wonder if the extra iron I am now taking is helping or if it's just a coincidence. Regardless it's still nice.

Last night at work really sucked. There were loads of people missing to so my supervisor asked me to run number machine #6. The part was running horribly and it seemed like he would get it running okay and then five minutes later it was running like crap and I couldn't really keep up since I had to inspect each part carefully. I was so glad when the night was over. It was also really muggy in there despite the fact that it was chilly outside due to rain. I'm going to assume that I will have to work on 6 again and I really don't want to :( I am so tired of work it's not funny.

Only 6-7 more weeks to go which is like only 33 more shifts. I can do it! ( I hope). It was so hard to leave yesterday. I had the gate up in the kitchen so monkey could run around while I got my lunch ready and as soon as Chris walked in the door she ran to the gate with a big smile on her face and started giggling cause Chris was home. The cutest thing ever!! I miss her cuteness while I am at work.  I don't get to see it until we get up in the morning. If I didn't go I would have four extra hours of monkey cuteness before she goes to sleep. Her naps are later as well so it's going to be hit or miss if she wakes up before I leave. :( That makes me sad. I feel like I barely see her during the day since she naps from 1-3 hours and we get up around 8:30 -9am.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Catch Up.

I really need to start journaling more often. I am already at 26ish weeks prego and I feel like I barely have time to journal let alone update my blog online. I feel bad about it since I journaled a lot when I was carrying monkey. I guess that is the way it goes when you have a second child.

I had a doctors appointment on the 31st of Aug (last Friday) He had my results back from my blood and glucose test. Everything seemed fine so that was relief. He said the enzymes in my liver were fine as well (the last time I asked if it was normal to be so freaking itchy during pregnancy and I guess sometimes it can be caused by something in the liver). I'm glad that turned out okay. I asked about my ultrasound results and they STILL haven't gotten them yet. Seriously! I am already worried that my technician sucked and I want reassurance that everything is really okay. The baby is moving around a lot though so that's good.

It's funny though that this time around pregnancy doesn't seem as bad. There are certain things that are worse though like I had morning sickness this time around and it sucked especially when I had to watch monkey during the day. I also am finding that I don't have to get up every two minutes after I go to bed to use the washroom like I did the first time around, unless of course I drink a huge glass of water just before I go to sleep. I also haven't gained as much as I did the last time (50ish with monkey) but I am sitting at 22 pounds this time around. Although I started 25 pounds heavier this time around. I don't know if it's either because every pregnancy is different or it's because I really don't have to much time to think about it. I mean monkey keeps me busy during the day, then it's off to work, then home to sleep. Regardless though the time is going by fast, even though at work it seems to drag and I am starting to freak out about labour again!

 I only gained 4 pounds since the last time I was there which is a pound a week which is good. He said the baby's heart beat was at 130. I guess everything is going alright. I did have two concerns this time though. One was the incredible exhaustion I feel during the day. I only get maybe 7 hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky and it is broken. I get up with monkey and an hour later I am ready to crash but can't. I have been off and on lately taking a nap when she does just to get a few extra z's but most often I have to wake myself up before I am ready to and get ready for work or because monkey woke up that sometimes its not even worth trying to nap. Then I feel the same thing at work off and on but I can't nap there. He suggested that on top of my prenatal to take extra iron once or twice a day and nap when I can if I can and see if that helps.

Today I have been better. I didn't sleep that well last night since it was sort of muggy and I had gas stuck in my chest but finally I passed out. I kind of dozed in the morning until monkey woke up and I did feel sleepy around 10 but it wasn't to bad. Right not I feel okay as well. I hope that the extra iron is helping though because if not it's only going to get worse as my belly gets bigger!

The other thing that I was worried about was the fluttery jerky movements in my stomach near the bottom. He said not to worry and that at this point any movement is good. He said it could just be the baby in it's motions or whatever. He said he had one person describe it as having a seizure. I was actually thinking the same thing but didn't want to explain it that way). He said that he told her that he didn't think that was possible and not to worry. That made me feel better and looking it up online it seems a lot of people have the same feelings. It's nice to know that I am not the only one.

Monkey is becoming a little parrot repeating what we say. It's freaking cute though. She can't get the words exactly but we know what she is saying so we really have to be careful what we say around her. It's hard sometimes but I really don't want her to start saying something bad because it slipped from one of us because that will be the word that she says ALL the time.

I also just came off of a week of holidays and I don't want to go back! I'm dreading it but I have only 6-7 weeks left. I am going to try for a 7th week if I can because this time around I want a private room. I don't care the cost because last time I hated not being in a private room. So if I can work that week it would be good since it's like 200ish a day and our insurance doesn't cover any of it. It may be expensive but it will be worth it for me anyways. I will feel more comfortable and so will the people that come and visit in the hospital. It was really awkward the last time. The count down is on now though! I have to keep thinking only 1.5 months left, and am trying to take it a week at a time. This week is a short week with only 4 days. I can do it! I just have to keep saying that to myself!

ALSO my Mom and sister and my niece were over last Monday and I found out that my neice is going to have a baby. So I am going to be a Great Aunt for the first time!!! She is only about a month so far and will probably be due around my birthday. It is going to be so weird that our babies will almost be the same age! I am so excited for her. I still can't believe it though!

BabyBelly #2: 26 weeks

(yeah a not so great photo of me but I just got home from work)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I tried to sleep in today but but it didn't really work that way. I thought at first I was refreshed but soon after I got up I started to feel like shit. I was lethargic, tired cranky etc. Plus I had a headahce due to the fact that as soon as I got up I started gagging and ended up throwing up stomach acid. I ended up taking a tylenol, that's how bad my headache was. I don't like taking medicine unless I really need to. Today I really did. 

I tried reading but my head hurt to much to even concentrate. Chris fed and put monkey down for her nap and then went to lay down himself. I ended up joining him since evne though all I really wanted to do was read I needed a nap. I fell asleep for at least an hour or so. I think we both woke up at the same time monkey did. I felt a bit better but still really didn't want to do a whole lot except I really wanted to go to walmart for a pair of jeans and a kobo ereader. I have really wanted an ereader for the longest time!

Last night, at work, went by fast which was awesome.  I found out due to the new procedures at the machine for this one part, I will no longer need to bug an machine assistant or my supervisor at the end of my shift to stamp and sign my boxes. Well I still needed to last night but any new boxes I have will all be stamped and signed already. That honestly made my friggen night!  I always dread the end of my shift for that reason because everyone that can sign my boxes are always hard to find our way busy with their own crap.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Glucose test

Today I was planning on getting up shortly after 7am to go down and get my blood tested the doctor. I had mentioned to him about being super itchy everywhere at my last prenatal appointment (2 Fridays before). I pretty much decided Thursday that there was no way I could get up that early since I was exhausted. I thought if I went early I could avoid long line ups/waits. I hate having to sit there but because I was so tired I decided I didn't care. So Chris left work and came home to watch monkey around 10. I had called the day before to make sure there was a labratory  in the same building my doctor is in. I was pretty sure there was but I couldn't remember for sure. I was glad there was because you can pay with debit of visa to get out of the parking lot there instead of coins at the other one. It was $3 or $4 bucks the last time I was there so who knows how much it is now.

The next time I need blood drawn I am just going to go the same day that I get the sheet instead of having to go back and paying for parking again (it's $6 bucks there). I really didn't want to go but I left it till the last minute so I had no choice. I should have went the Friday before when Chris was still home because he had his wisdom teeth out. I was so tired that day that the last thing I wanted to do was leave before I had to especially since I had to go to work later.
Thankfully I brought a book with me. I got there and it was pretty empty so I was like sweet I will be in and out quickly. Unfortunately I had to get the glucose test done as well and having to drinking that small bottle of orange stuff that looks like orange pop but really isn't sucked big time. It is so horrible but I downed it as fast as I could. I figured the faster I got it down the faster my timer would start since I had to sit there for 1 hour before they took my blood samples. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there for 1 hour though since I was sooo tired. I was so glad to have my book. The worst thing was there was no clock anywhere!! So I couldn't even see how much time was passing. I couldn't even call Chris to tell him since I couldn't get a cell signal in there and was unable to see what time it was from that as well. No signal on my phone also means no clock. I wished I had my ipod with me. I thought the requisition was only to test my blood because of the itching. They took like five vials from me. I thought the glucose was for the next appointment but I guess it's over with now so that is good. I was so glad when my timer was up and I could go!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Yesterday at one point in the day, Monkey was sitting on the floor in the living room and had my bunched up socks where I had left them the night before and was trying to get them on her feet.  She couldn't get them on since they were in balls but she did have them on as far as she could get them on her toes. We were both watching her amazed that she knew what they were for and she was so intent on what she was doing.

Today just about 30-40 mins ago I had given her her sippy cup full of milk after we got home from grocery shopping , she finished it, walked over to the table our computers are on and stood up on her toes and put it on the side of the table! 
Her size five sandals now seem to fit her feet perfectly and I think she looks bigger (taller) but when we stood her by her height chart she seemed to be the same height. She is pretty tall though. I mean if she could figure out how to use door knobs she could do so easily since the top of her head is like 2-3 inches below the door knob. That would not be good though! I don't want her to grow up to fast.

She also figured out how to move a big box that we put across the kitchen entryway since we haven't gotten a plastic gate yet. So she escaped down the hall to her room. She also twice today fed Chris a few pieces of her lunch and supper. She is getting bigger and learning by the day! It's funny to hear what she tries to copy what we say :) I love her so much!

As for baby # 2, there have been a lot of kicks lately. Chris can even feel them as well. I think I am 25 weeks now but I need to double check my dates since the last time I was at the doctor he said that they had me down for a few weeks earlier. So I don't know. Hopefully next time we see him he will have the ultrasound results.

I have been super exahausted lately but I think that is probably normal with a second pregnancy since I have to get up with monkey then basically stay up until midnight when I get off work and I seem to be having a hard time falling asleep at night which is annoying. I might get up at 9am and feel fine but an hour later I am sooo sleepy that all I want to do is take a nap but I can't and most of the time when monkey finally goes for her nap I can't fall asleep then. It's a gamble though since sometimes I can and I feel better but sometimes I feel like complete shit so I try to avoid taking naps when I can. It sucks ,I can't wait to be on maternity leave. About 9 weeks left to go! Holy cow even though time seems to be going by slowly at the same time it seems to be flying by! I have already been back to work for almost 7 months! Crazy!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

7:11 pm @work

Sitting here working on a part, or really anything at the table for that matter, always gives me a lot of time to think. I seriously can't wait till I can go on mat leave again. I really don't want to be here and every time I think about that I realize how soon it really is. I think it was last week some time that it hit me that I would have to go through labour again and it sort of scared me.
So now I am anxious about it again. I just hope everything goes okay. I guess I am mostly nervous that I might need a c-section. I hope not. I think for some reason I also convinced myself that I am having twins. Everyone keeps telling me they think that and my belly is HUGE compared to last time. This is my second baby though so I started to show sooner and still had 25 pounds to lose when I got pregnant again. I guess soon we will find out. Chris told me not to get excited about twins because he doesn't want me to be dissappointed when there is only one. That of course makes tons of sense.
 Two and a half months left before I am on mat leave. I just want to be home to spend time with Chris and monkey and also clean/organize/work on my story and a few other projects I would love to get done. But I am stuck here :(

Monday, July 30, 2012

BabyBelly #2: 23 weeks

23 weeks :) Not really liking how I am feeling but excited to find out what we are having. Less then halfway left!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

10:52 pm
(written at work)

I really didn't want to come to work tonight again but that really isn't abnormal. It's so hard to leave home to come here. I keep trying to tell myself it's only 3 months or less, but it just seems so freaking far away still. I then try to think of how many months that have past since I came back to work (almost 6) and that July is almost over. If I think of it that way time has really gone by fast! 

I'm just so tired all the time and the heat doesn't help at all. I will be glad when it gets cooler out again. My back is already killing me at work but thankfully there is an old office chair that I switch to when that happens and it helps since I can lean back. Just all the lifting has me worried. I avoid it when I can but I can't always. I guess it is just something I have to ask the doc when I see him in a few weeks. There is just so much at home that I want to get done. I always seem to get the motivation to do it around the time I have to go to work since during the day I am so tired and sleepy. 

Chris told me one night he fell asleep on the floor, which is bad and I hate when he does that,  but woke up a few minutes later and monkey was in her laundry/toy basket. That is so hilarious. He said he took her out and she just went back in there twice more. The same way she does getting on the couch or sitting in her chair. He said he got a few good pictures of her which I can't wait to see. 

That is just another reason I wish I was at home at night so he can take a nap (or me) if he needs to. Three more months with a few three day weekends sprinkled in there and a week off in August. I can't wait! It is almost home time here as well thank god!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Doc appointment

Today I had my final doc appointment with my family Doc. Well that was only because I couldn't get into the OBGYN until the first week in August. Anyways today when we went there I was sort of grumpy because all prior visits I only saw the nurse who checked my blood pressure, urine and weight. Today though he had a in training nurse practitioner with him and she actually used the doplar to listen to the heart beat! So I FINALLY got to hear it. I was so excited when she told me to get up on the table.  I had my ultrasound yesterday and saw the it was beating but that was about it. So I was super happy to hear it. She said that the beat was about 150. According to the old wives tale does that make it a boy? I'm also carrying this one much higher since my belly is sticking wayyy out! I have already been in mat clothes for awhile now as apposed to with monkey where I was just telling work at this point that I was preggers. Albeit I was 30 pounds lighter when I conceived Monkey then with baby bean #2. Still it was super exciting to hear the little ones heart beat! So that was a relief. She also measured me and said it measured around 19-20 weeks. She didn't seem concerned and said that that was normal for around where I am at. So that is good. I am 21 weeks 3 days. So pretty close.

Also to my delight and surprise when we were heading over there Monkey just started saying MOMMY repetitively in the backseat! Sooo freaking cute! So happy she finally is saying it. She has been saying daddy for a long time now. I love that little girl so much. It's so hard to go to work every night! I miss her so much and worry about sometime happening to her when I am not there. I hate to think what I am going to be like when she is older! I just have to keep thinking 3 months until I am off at least for a year. I don't think I want to go back to work after the year is up, not until they are both in school at least but it depends on the money situation. Maybe if I needed to and did not want to work full time I could always find a part time job or something. That is too far in the future to think about right now I am just trying to get through the last months of work! Its' so freaking hot in there and I am so tired all the time. Heat and tiredness makes for a long night. Today is supposed to be the worst to. Chance of thunderstorms all day and night, temps that feel like over 40 yuck! I can't wait until summer is over and I can hide under my sweater again!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ultrasound Day!

Chris got up today and went to work for an hour or so before coming home to get me and Monkey. I was worried that he wasn't going to be able to come in at all because we had Monkey with us and in the stroller. My appointment was for 9am. I had a male technician this time which sucked because he seemed really young, indifferent and seemed to rush through it. He did show me the babies head and that the heart beat was beating. I definitely didn't feel comfortable saying anything or asking anything. He then set to work doing the stuff he needed to do. It was amazing to see of course even though most of the time it was to hard for me to tell what I was looking at. At one point he was like if you have to go to the washroom let me know. I was like I definitely am getting to that point. He was like okay it will only be a few more minutes of you can wait. Yeah more like 10! My side was starting to stitch up because I had to go so bad. Then he was like you might as well wait and I will go get your husband. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?! I guess he wouldn't understand since he will never be prego, have drank a bunch of water and have someone press on your stomach for a long ass time! GRR. So he got Chris who barely even got to look at the screen before it was over. He did see the baby but then monkey started crying and he bent down to sooth her and when he looked up the technician had switched the screen off. So I was disappointed for him. I know they don't have all day long but still. Chris said he saw the baby though and seemed happy.

I do have a rant though since we did not want to find out the sex of the baby. At one point he told me to look away from the screen since he was going to check the sex and sometimes it's really obvious what it is. So I looked away sort of seething. I'm sorry what part of I don't want to know don't you understand? Why do they have the right to check and record it even though we don't want to know? It's my baby and my body. I'm the parent and I should have a say in what you check? Maybe it's just common practice or it's necessary to make sure everything is okay but I still feel like my rights have been violated somehow. Maybe it's just me but it pissed me off to no end. I guess when I see my OBGYN I can ask him why they check even if you don't want to know. Like what happens if we go to our appointment and he is like 'congrats I see your having a boy/girl". I hope that doesn't happen because then I really will be mad. The technician only saw one baby in there but in the back of my mind for some reason I keep thinking two. He really didn't check around either so who knows. I'm sure it's just all in my head but I feel and look sooo huge already! Plus with the internet I have read lots of stories of people who had a twin missed until they measured large all of a sudden closer to their 30th week.

I was super tired today and unfortunately I still had to go to work which I was not looking forward to. It's only Monday to and the weekend is a long time from now!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Another busy day

We headed out to Costco before monkeys nap again to get some groceries today. We really need to cut back on how much we spend on groceries each week. Just not sure how to do that. I guess set a budget and figure out what we need and stick to it. I love their fruit there though and we got more chicken like we got the time before which was really good and lasted a few meals. We really didn't buy to much junk and it still was crazy expensive. Albeit more money but cheaper with the quantity we got of the things we did purchase. I don't believe everything there is a better price however so I always have to watch. 

The rest of the day was pretty relaxing. The TV stand looks really good. It wasn't to bad to put together and all that worry about finding one with a door that was clear and monkey never bothered with it and Chris accidentally left it open all day long (it's a slide door). Oh well it looks good and neater then before and there is room for all the Wii stuff and our DVD/TV shows.

The couch and chair area looks so much better with that end table by the chair. It actually looks comfy to sit and read their now. Since the lamp is sitting on the end table again, although it probably needs a light bulb in it. The front room looks way bigger to. It sucks that the weekend went by as fast as it did. I hate being super exhausted all the time as well. Usually all the things we have to do just thinking about them exhausts me and then the weekend goes by really fast.  But I have the ultra sound to look forward to since its been 21 weeks and I haven't heard the heart beat at all yet!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

A busy Saturday!

We tried to get our running around done before Monkey went for her nap today which meant unfortunately for me I had to get up earlier then I would have on weekend. It's the only time I can catch up on my sleep and Chris has been nice enough to get up with her every weekend so I can do so. Usually we would wait to go out until after her nap which is usually right after lunch. Sometimes she is stubborn and it takes her more then an hour to pass out even when she is clearly really tired and then will sleep for 1 -2 hours. So by the time we get ready and get her ready it's probably already between 3 or 4pm. It's not relaxing since we sort of have to rush if we have more then one place to go and since most places on the weekend close at 6pm it's even more of a mad dash to make sure we get everywhere we need to. I hate having to go back out on Sunday. It just makes the weekend go by way to fast.

So we left around 10am and went to Bonnie Togs because I really wanted to get her this cute bathing suit that I saw the last time we were there. It's a two piece. I didn't get it the last time because we already have one for her but after Canada Day and being on the beach I realized it's actually really hard to change her swim diaper in a one piece. Since we are going to my sister's house soon for moms bday celebration I thought a two piece would be easier (they have a pool). This time though it was on sale so that was nice. I wished the towel dress for after swimming was still there but they were all sold out of her size. A towel will work just as well I guess.

After that we headed to CanadianTtire to get a few things that were on sale.We actually found a TV stand that we had looked at before (Chris really didn't like it before) but looking at it again it wasn't so bad. It was on sale also which was the main reason we went to look at it again. We also got some glass "sandwich" container bowls that are microwaveable and dishwasher safe since we really don't like using our plastic containers for reheating food and they are starting to look gunky anyways. We also got a can opener since the two we have suck, this was also on sale.  We also got a life jacket for monkey as well. We looked at a lot of water things and finally decided on a life jacket since it's purpose is to save lives in water. Like if she fell into the pool it would turn her so her head wasn't underwater. That makes me a happy mommy since I worry about that since she loves water. We were looking at the baby gates but monkey was getting cranky and inpatient being stuck sitting in the cart. It stresses me out when she gets like that so we headed to the check out. We did spend like $200 bucks but saved like $200-$300 since everything was on sale. After that we headed home where monkey had lunch and then went down for a nap.

I purchased Elder Scrolls Skyrim finally since it was on sale on steam for 50% off. I like those types of games and since I have been really bored of Warcraft lately. I haven't logged into the game to play in a long time. At least Skyrim is a one time fee and I can play it for years to come if I wanted to and it won't cost me. Wow is subscription based so around $15 bucks a month really sucks, especially since Chris also plays that game. I think we might be cancelling our subscription anyways since we both don't play anymore. Unfortunately I still have it till October since I did the year commitment to get a few in game items and Diablo 3 for free. I see Skyrim is launching an online game next year that looks really good. So maybe that will be my new MMO. Diablo is okay but I hate how it's so linear where you can only go down a certain path where in Skyrim (and in Warcraft) you can go anywhere on the map and also I hate how the game only saves at check points or if you transition from one area to another if not you lose your exploration progress and anything you killed/cleared will be back again next time you log in. You don't lose your xp or inventory but with monkey I can't just play until I get a check point before I go get her from her nap say, so I really don't play it that often. I can however play with Chris though if I wanted to. He has already beaten the game on like three different difficulty settings.

We also ordered Chinese food for supper since it was our 3rd year wedding anni on the 11th. I was at work that night so we couldn't celebrate then. I was so hungry by the time it got here but it was soooo good and monkey seemed to like it to. There was also lots of leftovers which is the best! All in all a really busy Saturday!

Monday, July 9, 2012

BabyBelly #2: 20 weeks

Half way there! 20 Weeks yesterday! I hope the last 20 weeks goes by just as fast!

How Far Along? 20 weeks

Weight Gain/Loss: I just weighed myself because I forgot to this morning and I was kind of cringing because I was afraid of what the number was going to be. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as I thought. Actually it was a pound or two since I weighed myself last week. It seems like right now my weight is fluctuating up and down a few pounds. I really don't know why since I can't seem to stop eating :(. So so far the total weight I've gained is 13 pounds. Not to bad for 20 weeks I think. I just really don't want to go over the highest I was at with Monkey!

Feeling? So exhausted. I just want to sleep most of the time but unfortunately with a little one and working afternoons I don't get much sleep at all. I am really looking forward to mat leave in a few months. I just hope I can last that long! I did just come off of a week's holidays so that has sort of refreshed me but still dreading the long shifts in this terrible heat again.

Maternity Clothes: I think I need at least a pair of baggy mat pants to feel comfortable at work. The last thing I like is to be sweaty and hot and have clothes that are clinging to me. I have enough tops I think but I still don't want to buy any more mat clothes! I did get a belly band to see if it would help with a few of my low rise jeans that still fit but are a little tight under the belly when I sit down. Wearing a belt is out of the question since it digs into my bottom belly when I sit. We will see how that goes.

Sleep: I'm having a hard time sleeping lately. It might be partly the heat but also due to pregnancy. I am already at the point where trying to roll over is uncomfortable and my lower back is already starting to hurt whenever I sit or stand for to long. I really don't remember it being this bad so soon!

Food Cravings: I don't really think I have had to many food cravings unless you count red licorice but that might be because it's just chewy and good.

Movement? I'm pretty sure I have been feeling movement the odd time. A few times this past week, laying in bed in the morning I have had my hand pressed onto my left side of my belly and I felt a little kick or punch against my hand! Still not very strong but still there! I can't wait till chris can feel it as well!

What I miss? Being able to fit into my clothes and not feeling like a whale especially in this hot sticky weather! I look forward to the end of summer!

Best moments this week:  Feeling the new little bean(s) kicks and punches.

What am I looking forward to? Next monday I have my ultrasound. It will be the first time we see/hear the baby's heartbeat and find out if its only one. I don't really think I am having twins anymore but I still want to know for sure :) I just need to get through this week!

Next appointment: My next doctor appointment is next week as well. Then I have my first appointment with my OBGYN early Aug!

Milestones: Halfway there!

Gender: We are keeping it a surprise! It will be a nice early Christmas present!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Monkey Clothes: July 03 2012

So Monkey has all these cute little outfits. I have lots of fun deciding what she wears each day. I love the summer months because we have so many cute little dresses, tshirts and short sets for her to wear. I thought it would be a cute idea to show what she wore on any given day. I probably won't be doing this everyday but it's nice to remember and see new outfits from time to time.

On Saturday we had gone into a store called Bonnie Toggs since a coworker of mine commented on how cheap the clothes were in there. We ended up getting her two dresses and some pj sets. This is one of the dresses we got her.

Love it and I love this picture. She is constantly on the go so after me failing at taking a decent shot it was up to Chris to get one. This was one of the really good ones that he captured. Love it!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Canada Day 2012 :)

We met up with some of Chris family at the beach for Canada Day. This was the first time Monkey got to wear her new bathing suit and the first time she has ever been to the beach. We got there and were really lucky to get a good parking spot that was fairly close. There was a weekend long celebration going on so everywhere was packed full of people. I think this was the most possible the busiest I have ever seen a beach in my life!

Monkey just LOVED the sand, it was like one huge sandbox. She had a very busy day but never stopped going.

She played in the sand with Grandma.

Ate snacks with Daddy.

At one point she decided to stick her foot into the pail of water that Grandpa brought her up from the water. She spend hours throwing sand into it or trying to take water out. She got pretty covered with mud and sand but she was having a blast. Here in this picture we are pretty sure that she was also trying to get her other foot in there but then couldn't get the one foot that was in there out. Grandma came to her rescue.
She made sand angels.

Went for walks with Grandma.

She didn't actually try to get up and walk around for awhile but when she did she had a hard time keeping her balance. She finally got the hang of it though.

Later on in the day we brought her down to the waters edge where she had tons of fun walking around in the water. She even fell in and got most of her bathing suit wet. We were surprised that she didn't cry or anything since the water was ICE cold. We didn't keep her in it long for that reason. So soon after we wrapped her in a towel and went back to the others.

Once back to our little spot of beach she had a nice snuggle with Grandpa. She was clearly tuckered out so we headed out soon after. It would have been neat to stay for the fireworks but they were scheduled for 10 pm and we thought that was to late for her to be up. When we finally got back to the car the person that parked behind us like literally parked right against our back bumper. Thankfully the car in front of us belonged to the father of someone who was at the house we were in front of and she told us that her father moved it ahead so we could get out. She was like 'I wasn't out here when that person parked right behind you. Like seriously who parks like that! I would have gave him a piece of my mind if I would have been'. I told her to say 'thanks to her dad' that really would have sucked if we couldn't leave when we wanted to. 

Then of course we got lost a bit trying to take the same route we did when we went there. The GPS also for some reason was not picking up were we were which was annoying. It finally did start working but that was after we figured out where to go. Geez!
Unfortunately Monkey had a bit of a diaper accident in her car seat, soaking most of the bottom pad. Chris dropped me and Monkey off at home because of that (and she was starting to get cranky) while he drove his niece home. I had to give her a bath before bed since she had sand everywhere. She likes bathtime though so she was happy enough. Once I got her bathed and put into bed for the night Chris was back. He brought the car seat in and all I have to say is I hope that I never have to take that thing apart ever again. First of all the instructions made no sense until I read them like 50 times and even then it took awhile to understand what the hell it was saying. Also the pad needed to be hand washed in non detergent soap. Seriously I have no idea what that means other then don't use laundry soap. Even google failed on answering that question. We were going to add a bit of sunlight dish soap to the water but since in its description it said detergentwe just used some Dove soap in the water to be sage. Then it has to air dry. Hopefully that doesn't take forever. As it was I only soaked the part that was wet. It took me two hours to get the pad off! Now that I figured it out though I'm sure if I ever have to do it again it will take no time at all. 
It was a long day but fun! I was exhausted by the time we got home. The sun and being outside always does that to me even though most of the time I was sitting in shade and all three of us were slathered in sunscreen. It was a good Canada Day :) We definitely plan on taking her to the beach again soon.

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