Friday, April 20, 2012

I hate days like this!

I feel like I am going to have a break down today. I was unhappy with my weight to begin with and really it wouldn't be so horrible if my belly was flatter but I still looked prego to myself before I got pregnant again. I still had the stupid tummy. It still sticks out sooo much and I hate how I look in profile view because of it. I am only 8 weeks I definitely should not be showing yet! On top of that I have gained weight (I know I'm going to gain but being at the weight I am now is depressing). I still had about 25-30 pounds to lose from Monkey! I want to try and minimize how much I gain but I still have a lot of months to get through before I reach that highest number. I don't want to be there already in 2 more months. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to workout, clean house, watch monkey and have some me time as well. I am going to lose it soon. I just want to cry. I can't stop eating either. It was the same before when I was trying to lose weight and working afternoons. I eat a bunch during the day because I don't want to be starving by my first break and then I eat more because I am starving anyways and I am famished by the time I get home afterwards. I don't think eating before bed is a good idea. I have no idea what to do! I know I can't lose weight now but I need to try and stop gaining so quickly. I can't wait till this baby is born and I can go to weight watchers to lose the weight! I should have done that after Monkey and then I wouldn't be in this depressive state right now. I feel like a fatass and I hate it. The sweater I wear to work doesn't make my belly look any better either.  I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. I think I ate to much today as well :( this is so depressing!! I'm sure this is normal with expecting mothers but I wasn't like this before monkey but probably because I was at a healthy weight range for my height. blah :(
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