Thursday, June 30, 2011

Last night I was able to dream feed her some what before we went to bed but unfortunately she STILL woke up in the middle of the night to eat. It was almost 4am though so it was better then the last few nights. She of course fell asleep nursing but woke right up when I tried putting her into the cradle. This time however I just gave her her soother, tucked her blankets around her really well and then held her hand with some of my arm weight on her chest and she fell asleep within 5-10 mins. Way better then previous when we had a hard time getting her to go back to sleep. I did that earlier when I was trying to get her back to sleep at 9pm when she woke up, that one took longer but it's nice to know that I don't have to rock her, cuddle her or nurse her to sleep. Before it wasn't bad but now that she is getting to be older I really don't want her to associate that with sleep nor do I want to have to do one of those things just to get her to sleep at night. So now my plan is to keep doing what I was doing at "bedtime" and then hopefully in a few weeks or whatever she will just pass out quicker and not need me sitting beside her. I read an article that said you could try progressively getting farther and farther away from her and out of the room and then eventually you will just have to put her to bed and not worry. I'm hoping this gets easier. It was nice last night to have a few hours to ourselves where we didn't have to constantly talk to the baby or play with her or keep her happy.

Again right now she is in her swing for "nap" time. She isn't crying or thrashing around and a few times I glanced over at her her eyes were beginning to droop. So being boring mommy at nap and bedtime really helps/works to make her sleepy. The only concern that I am having now is that she seems to be pooping a lot, although it's never in huge quantities and it's not more then 4 or 5 a day so far so I don't know what to think. I guess it's more because they have been greener and mucas filled again although not as much as when we took her to the doctor before. Sometimes they are watery to. Although this mucas could be because of her drooling so I don't know. She isn't showing any other symptoms so I can just mention my concern to the doctor when we go for her four months shots.

I can't wait to go see Heidi again next week. We were out last night for a bit and instead of breastfeeding her when we got home Chris fed her the bottle of expressed milk since I didn't want to put it back into the fridge after it was out for a few hours. I did feed her soon after though so I thought I was safe ( I was to lazy to pump - I loathe pumping) but I still got a huge plugged duct on the top of my right side AGAIN. I swear I go from not having enough milk to having toooo much again. Talking to Heidi she can tell me if I should start to ween down to 3 pills of domperdone or if I should stay at this level. I should have gave having only 3 a few more days. Gah although if I want to have a freezer stash of milk then well this might not be a bad thing. I've been thinking about that the last few days. I think having a small stash isn't a bad thing anyways.

Aww monkey is sleeping in her swing now. Yeah for me getting her to sleep for a nap two days in a row. The next step after she gets used to sleeping at this time is to put her in her crib to sleep instead. I might have to do the same thing as with bed time put her in there then stay in the room but be boring mommy and see what happens. Might be something to try this weekend.

I have also noticed that I need to add more pictures to my blog since walls of text all the time aren't really that interesting sometimes, even to me. :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

why won't she nap!?!

12:00 pm

OMG is she ever fussy today :( She seems hungry but when I feed her she falls asleep! GAH!! Why does this always happen when I got no sleep. Unless she is tired and is just being stubborn about napping. She never goes down for a nap anyways when I try to do so, the only time she naps is after she falls asleep when I'm feeding her then sleeps for x amount of time. I hope this isn't going to turn into a huge headache when she is older. :/

1:03 pm

How do you get a three month old to take a nap when she won't go down for one but she is obviously super tired?!? That is the question. I really don't want to have to nurse her to sleep all the time, I think that might be a bad thing, at least at this point. Right now she is in her swing and not crying so that is good. We will see if I act boring if she will fall asleep. :(

1:05 pm

yep totally jinxed myself there. Now she is crying. Ugh. I will see what she does if I ignore her for a few minutes and not be so in a rush to go see what's wrong. Especially since I KNOW she is tired. Of course if she starts screaming at the top of her lungs that is a different story. ooh it's like she cryies then stops to see what mommy will do then does it again. Sneaky monkey. LOL. Now of course she has stopped the crying and is almost passed out or at least her eyes are getting drowsy, I think?. Score for mommy! .... maybe? Every time I glance over at her quickly it's a different face on her.


okay back to a slight cry and chomping on her hand! WTH? Now I am doubting it's just a case of the tiredness and now thinking she might also be hungry. I know I have said it before but I seriously hate breastfeeding. You can't tell how much she gets! UGH!


 omg what a monkey! I was about to get her to check her diaper then feed her since the last time I did so was at 12 (I had to give her her soother earlier to make her stop crying) and I just looked over and she is sleeping! lol. I guess ignoring her works since a few times I looked over at her she smiled at me and laughed. So boring momma works for putting her to sleep when I know she is sleepy


So strangely enough baby passed out on her play mat of all places around 8 pm. She was crying before that. I knew she was tired though. Chris put her soother in and she had a hold of his finger and the next time I looked she was out. He transferred her to her cradle where she stayed asleep. I thought she was going to wake up within the 20 mins that she normally does but she didn't. Not until 9 at least. We let her do her semi cry for a few minutes but then she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I thought maybe it was because she had a cloth diaper on so when I went in there to get her to check to see if she needed a clean one she let out a huge burp when I picked her up so no wonder she was crying. I changed her into a disposable anyways (the cloth one was fine) and tried to lull her back to sleep. She almost fell back asleep a few times but then would turn her head all the way to one side and open her mouth wide so I figured maybe she was routing for food. I took her back out to the living room and fed her and within 15 mins I was back in the bedroom trying to get her to sleep. I held her for a few mins until I knew she was drowsy then put her in her cradle. That is the hardest part because she always wakes up when I do so. I put her blanket around her tightly then held her hand and rested my arm semi on her body. She eventually was out like a light. It might have taken about 20 mins though. So it was almost 10 before I came back out to the front room. She has been asleep ever since though! I will attempt to dream feed her very soon so she hopefully doesn't wake up at 2 again that would be brutal for me considering I am already freaking tired!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

11:11 am

Today seems so long. Monkey has been crying and I have no idea why! I think she just wants to be held constantly or she just needs a nap and is being stubborn. :( geez.


I think we might have managed to put her to bed at 10 tonight! I nursed her to sleep since she was super cranky and she passed out and I was able to actually set her down in the cradle without waking her up. We have the CD mom got us for her the last time we were home on so if she does semi wake up it might lull her back to sleep. At least it won't be super quiet in there if she does. Hopefully she stays asleep. Only time will tell.


Well she is definitely down for the night. She hasn't made a peek since I put her to bed so that is good :) Now we will see if she wakes up at 2 or 3 in the morning like she did this morning. Ugh I hope she stops doing that again soon.


I definitely think that the pills are helping. I just pumped almost 2oz with the pump just now. Albeit it is at a time when she would have fed since it's been almost 2 hours since she last ate but still at least it collected something. UGH need to go to sleep so tired :( I hope she sleeps through the night tonight or at least until 5 or so! That would be nice.

Monday, June 27, 2011


It's amazing watching monkey discover the world around here. The other day she was in her crib after a diaper change and Chris called me in because she was just simply amazed at her hands. She was studying them, turning them this way and that just taking them in at all angles. Today just now she is on her play mat and had Mr.Lion in her hand studying him. She even managed to grasp his tail and pull on him hard enough to get the music to play. The intense look on her face makes me wonder what it is she is thinking!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

another bedtime failed attempt...

Last night was another one of those failed attempts at getting her to bed at bed time since she has a hard time falling asleep on her own. Maybe she just is too young yet. At the very least we will keep her before bedtime routine consistent so that she will learn that it means bedtime is here almost :) I think maybe tonight I will try to put her to bed instead of Chris. It didn't work when he did it the first time and we finally ended up just bringing her out with us again. So when I picked her up out of her swing and held her on the couch for a few minutes she start to drift off to sleep. When I put her into her cradle she didn't wake up so maybe it just needs to be a mommy thing. I know very soon we need to put her into her crib instead of the cradle but every time I think about it I put it off. She won't be in the same room as me anymore and it will be really weird and really hard to deal with. I'm sure I will spend most of my time getting up and going into her room to make sure she still is breathing and that she is doing okay :( bah. I might even spend the first few nights on the floor in her room. I'm nervous about the baby mattress that it's to squishy for her. UGH I am so paranoid.

She woke up again at 2-3am last night and did the same thing as before. Took a while to get her to go back to sleep. I finally tried to nurse her to sleep after she woke up when I put her back into the cradle the first time but she just ended up waking up again. I think Chris finally held her until she fell asleep. It was another long and exhausting night. I really hope this is just because of the growth spurt and that it stops really soon! I miss my sleep :( It was nice not having to wake up every 2 hours to fed her like just after she was born.

Friday, June 24, 2011

11:09 am

Last night was interesting. I fed monkey and we bathed her and then tried to put her down to sleep in the cradle, albeit a little later then we wanted to. It was almost 9 and we are going to try and aim to get her to bed by 8. I knew she was tired since she was yawning and rubbing her eyes a lot but she was being very stubborn. After the bath we brought her to her bedroom and I was putting some lavender lotion on her when she looked at me and started screaming! I don't know what the hell that was about. So I ceased putting the lotion on her. I don't know if it was because of that or because she didn't like my facial expression or what. Chris got her diaper and pj's on really quickly and we sat down on the couch to nurse since nothing else was calming her down. She fell asleep soon after. We tried to leave her there for a bit but she ended up waking up when we were putting her into her cradle. We left her in there and went back to the front room. She sort of cried a bit but it wasn't anything bad so we tried our best to ignore it. It wasn't until she started screaming that we went to get her. She really needs to start to learn to fall asleep on her own :( . I don't expect this to happen over night and it might not be successful for awhile but we both think it's good to try to at least get her used to it or try to get her into a schedule of some sorts. At the very least bath her and get her ready for bed at the same time.

So I tried nursing her back to sleep again in the bedroom and she again fell asleep. Unfortunately when we tried to transfer her to her cradle she sort of woke up again. After 10ish mins of us sitting in there trying to get her to sleep we just brought her back out with us. I tried nursing her again and again she fell asleep. We finally did get her into her bed without her waking up around 11. So we had an hour or so of time to ourselves before we went to bed.

Heidi mentioned that when she does go through her growth spurt we might noticed that for a few days she will wake up at 3am again. I don't know if that was what happened last night or what but an hour after I went to bed (we went to bed around 1am which was a mistake ) she woke up crying. So I got up and fed her and tried to put her back in her cradle. Usually she goes right back to sleep but nope! I know today I feel so exhausted and I am sure that Chris does as well since he was the one that picked her up to try and bounce/rock/cradle her back to sleep. I was so tired that I felt sick to my stomach. It was horrible. I think he finally got her to sleep an hour or so later. This is like flashback to the first few weeks of her life! I really hope that that isn't a new trend. She woke again around 7 to eat and only slept for a little bit after I fed her. So I am tired. Although she is currently actually napping. I fed her around 10:45 am and only ate off one side before she was out and now is napping in her bouncer.

I wonder how long this will last but no wonder why she is sleeping! She didn't sleep to much last night. I feel like complete crap today :( . I am glad Chris will be home with me for two days though, her constant unhappy cooing is driving me up the wall :( Then I feel so bad that I feel that way. It just makes me feel that as her sole food provider she isn't getting enough from me. Generally I think her milk intake is better or at least nursing seems to be better. I don't know if it's because of the pills or because of it just getting better itself, who knows. I also am always worried since as soon as she is done eating her hand goes into her mouth and she chomps on that constantly. Unless of course crinkle bug is in her hands or whatever other toy is around her. I know it's common for her at this age to be sticking things in her mouth but seriously that along with her not happy cooing makes me feel like she is still hungry and I have to say feeding her on average 12 time a day is really started to wear me out. Some day I just can't cope and have like a breakdown just from exhaustion and frustration. I thought this was supposed to get better instead of worse! Thankfully Chris is always there when this happens so he can entertain her for the 10-15 mins that I need to feel better, but still!!!! AHHHHH

She continues to have enough wet diapers and poops except her poops are rarely the nice seedy yellow they are supposed to be so I really don't know what to think about that. :/ She generally seems okay though so maybe that is just normal for her?

12:05 pm

So since monkey is sleeping so good I decided to try to do some ab work. I did segment 1 and 3 of the firms core solutions. I really need to get my abs back into shape since they are sooo weak and my back as well since carrying and delivering monkey. I was considering doing the first mile of walk away the pounds but she was sort of stirring. She is still asleep though so I might. If not now then definitely later. I think Chris is right in that she probably would sit in her bouncer and watch me, at least for 15 mins which is how long the first mile is on that one video. Woo for working out again. Now I just have to work on my eating habits and it will be super!

Thursday, June 23, 2011


1:16 pm

So now I am more confused. I posted on the boards and they still don't think I have a supply issue. Well I guess they don't know the full story though considering I have been seeing Heidi since she was born. I don't know what to think anymore. The less formula I give the better though. OMG at least today she isn't making this weird noise all day long. Yesterday I almost went off my rocker listening to it all day long. It just made me feel like she was constantly hungry :( Maybe it's just because she realizes now she can make those noises. UGH I wish babies could talk so they could tell us what is going on and what they are thinking!!

1:32 pm

scratch that she is none stop making that noise :( ahhh

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

12:11 pm

It is so hard to hear Monkey cry. I fed her after we got up around 10-10:30 ish. Then fed her again around 11:30 since she was crying. After she was done she did nothing but cry :( or coo a lot but not fun/cute cooing, more like I'm hungry and cranky cooing :(. I was at the time trying to make some formula up for top ups through out the day. So finally at 11:20 I bf her first and then gave her 2 oz of alimentum since she seemed to be super hungry :( Now she is finally content which is a relief to me. I don't know if it's in my head but I *think* the meds might already be working. After the first let down on either side if she is still on there after 5 ish mins it seems she got a second one where yesterday that didn't happen. So maybe it's working. She still isn't getting a whole lot though since she is super cranky when I try to burp her between sides which before she wasn't. This sucks! I can see now why bottle feeding while easier on your breasts and sanity etc, is a pain in the ass. I have no idea if I am doing it correctly. Do I need to sterilize the bottles each time? What do I use to stir with, how do I sterilize the measuring cup since I'm supposed to sterilize everything and boil it for 5 mins. UGH! Hopefully my supply comes back. It's so much easier to express breast milk and fed that to her in a bottle if I need to give her a bottle. I am going to try and not give her supplementation after each feeding but will if I think she is not content and still hungry. I'm so glad I don't have to work right now or else this would be pure hell.


Well I don't know what to think at the moment. Right now she seems very content. I did just feed her (from 2:30-3:00) After she finished/I took her off the left side she didn't automatically go into a fit of rage and smiled and did her half laugh quite a few times. She also let me burp her which was a step up from yesterday and in the past. She did let out a good one to. I switched her to the other side and even though she did seem sort of fussy and eating her hands when I took her off, she is okay at the moment. I think she has discovered the top of her head. The last few days when she has been eating her little arm will go up and behind her head and she will be using her hands to scratch her head. I don't know if it's because she is finding the top of her head itchy or not. She has a bad case of cradle cap. Mom suggested that I use a little bit of baby oil on it before we bath her to see if it will help the scales loosen. I keep forgetting to try that but will hopefully remember tonight. It's cute when she reaches up with her arm, makes her look even more like a monkey :) lol.

I just hope this contentment is a sign that the meds are working. Although it could be that she just wasn't as hungry as she was because I had finished the last feeding about an hour before this last one. So who knows. Time will tell I guess.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

not a fun day..

9:43 am

So I just called the doctor's office to see if I can get the prescription of Donperidone. I gave her the pharmacy number and she said she would see to it. I have no idea if she will call me back when it's done or not. I guess if I don't hear from her by 2 or 3 I will call her back. I really hope this works considering poor monkey is not getting enough and she is killing my breasts in the process. Trying to get her to delatch when she is no longer getting anything but doesn't want to delatch is really hurting my nipples. Geez I go from getting blocked ducts all the time to under supply. Seriously :(


Seriously a plugged duct? SERIOUSLY!? Just when I know I don't have enough to feed her so she is content I get a plugged duct in the right side? WHAT THE HELL! This is going to be a long day until I can the prescription. She is crying all the time :( and only stops if she gets distracted. I might have to supplement an oz after each feeding until I notice a change in my supply just so I know she is getting enough. I just don't understand how she is still gaining and having enough wet diapers when she is getting so much less? Although Heidi did say because there is so little what she is getting is high in fat so that is good. She definitely is not just getting fore milk. Why is this so freaking hard and a pain in the ass. I never thought breastfeeding was anything like this that is for sure. I thought it was easy. Just another thing you don't know until you actually go through it. I really don't know where I get the patience and inner strength to keep at this! I think it's mostly because I am stubborn and I don't want to give up. lol. At least my stubbornness is good for something :D

I'm also hopeful that when my supply is back to where it should be I will have time to actually work out so I can lose the rest of the baby weight. I lost 20 pounds already and then it just stalled and I am stuck currently where I am. I need to lose another 30 :( I know I could also eat better but once I start working out that will come hand in hand. Right now it's to exhausting considering I feed her then I would have to work out right away and then would have to feed her right after. Especially if I did a 45 min workout. I know I need to take the workouts slow and not do to high intense stuff but seriously! I plan on just using walk away the pounds since it's easy and surprisingly gives you a good work out and builds up a good sweat. Also probably add in some stomach muscle workouts into the mix. It's so hard right now since she cries like 15 mins after I feed her. I just want nothing more then to have enough milk for her :( I'm so glad that my doctor is in the office today since they have like weird schedules and they are not in there at the same time every day. Just depends on when he has to be at the hospital.


Strange the receptionist at my doctors just called back asking me for the dosage since she said when she asked him he was confused and said does she want to stop breastfeeding? She was like nope. So she said that as far as he knew it was to dry me up. He must be thinking of something else though considering all the info that Heidi gave me said otherwise and she has seen breastfeeding mothers go on it a lot. Unfortunately I couldn't find the dosage right then so I need to call her back after 1pm (I assume it is lunch time :) She said once she has that they can call it in but they just don't want to prescribe it wrong and then it would cause me even more problems. I just searched for it online and it says the same thing that as a side effect it helps stimulate the milk production. It's usually used for improving motion through the esophagus and sometimes controlling nausea and vomiting. A side effect is has in lactating women is more milk production which I find really weird but hey whatever works. ~shrugs


yeah for unplugged duct! It's about time geez. Chris was able to pick up my prescription on the way home. So I have taken the first pill. I'm probably only going to take 10mg 3x a day for two days and if that doesn't help then 2 pills 3x a day for a few days. If there still isn't an improvement then it will be 3 pills 3x a day for 4 days. Hopefully it will work with only one pill. It only cost (with our med plan) about 13 bucks for 100 so that should last a bit if I only need 3 a day. I really hope this works. Right now I have been feeding her formula (alimentum sample that Heidi gave us) after a few feedings just to top her up because usually after a feeding she is still screaming because she is hungry. Hopefully I will be able to stop doing that soon though! I feel so bad when I know she isn't getting enough :( At least for right now I can stop with the herbs. I really don't think they are doing anything anymore anyways if my milk supply dropped this low!

9:24 pm

I really hate that I have to supplement her with formula but I can't let her starve and be hungry. Well she isn't starving. She has been getting enough so far to gain and it has only been the last few weeks that I have felt that she hasn't been getting enough so I am glad we caught it now and not in another month. I look forward to not feeding her every 1.5 hours though, and that is the only reason why she isn't starving! Feeding her so often at this stage is so tiring :( I guess I am still worried that she will start to prefer the bottle and be mad when my let down isn't as instant as the bottle. Although she is 3 months so she shouldn't have any nipple confusion anymore and now she is really good with opening her mouth wide and latching properly. I hope this medicine works!

Monday, June 20, 2011

lactionist appointment..and finding out why she eats so frequently!

We had the appointment today with Heidi. It went pretty well. We discovered that my milk supply has dropped significantly. She suggested that I get a prescription for domperidone since it helps up your milk supply. I need to call the doc office tomorrow and see if he can give me one without seeing me, but like she said she never had anyone need to go into the doctors office to get one since what are they going to do, measure your boobs? So hopefully they will be able to call it in or fax it to SDM here and I can give that a try since the herbs are not working too well anymore.

She said it's unusual to be on them so long but when telling her I have tried to stop taking them a few times but everything went to crap a few days after I stopped she said maybe they are doing something for me. Although they could just very well be a placebo effect. She gave me a sample of the tincture though, I totally forgot about that. It's a blend of the two herbs in liquid form and you just add it to some juice or water instead of having to swallow 6 pills 3 times a day. I am hoping the domperidone helps or I have no idea what I will do, probably have to supplement as well as breastfeed. She said if it is going to work you will notice it within a week, if not then it probably won't. If it does I need to keep taking it for a while. I wish I had been able to get in to see her last week considering I was just at the doctors office on Friday and I could have gotten it while I was there. Geez :( oh well, I called when we got home and they are in the office tomorrow so no worries.

For now she just suggested that I feed her then top her up with an oz of formula a few times a day. She gave me a sample of ailementum to use. So about 8 oz worth. Monkey is still gaining well and her diaper out put is fine which is good. Heidi said this is why it's such a good thing to see her at the 3 month mark because we could get to four months go to the doctor and she hasn't gained any weight. This way at the 3 month mark we know she has and have something to pinpoint when she stopped gaining weight. Usually you see the doctor at 2 months then again at 4 months. She is following her weight curve well - she was 12lbs 13oz, so very close to 13lbs.

I am really glad and thankful for her support. Monkey only got about 2 oz out of me so no wonder why she cries or thrashes and pulls at my nipples. Breaks my heart to now know that her screaming fit before was because she was hungry :( and not from gas. Her getting so little is also why she is eating so often. Every 1.5 hours. I really hope the drug helps because omg every 1.5 hours is exhausting after awhile. I am so glad that she sleeps so well at night though.

Heidi also said that her taking 30 mins to eat is a bit long at this point. She never finishes on a side and it has been taking 30 mins instead of 45. I have noticed lately that she gets her let down then stops actively sucking and just seems to be sucking for comfort. She never pops off anymore. So I end up switching her to the other side after 15 mins. So that is why it's only 30 mins. I could tell she doesn't want to come off but she never gets anything more after that first let down usually. This decrease in supply also is why I can't seem to get any out after a feeding with the pump. Which is annoying when I want to get a bit for when we go out or whatever. Ugh but at least I can top her up with some formula.

Even if I had to supplement her feedings with formula it would be better then stopping breast feeding all together. I assume that is what I will have to do if the domperidone doesn't work. Heidi said it's the babies that get no breast milk that don't benefit. So it's good to now some breast milk is better then no breast milk. Stupid supply though seriously. I could write a book about my experiences considering I think I have had just about everything that could go wrong go wrong and I am still trucking through it. Now we are at the half way mark to starting solids, I can't believe that though it seems so soon.

She also showed me a good position to feed her in when she gets less wobbly etc that will make it easier to feed her when not at home. Right now I am dependant on that pillow and I can't really take that out to say Wally world now can I. We tried it there but she was to wobbly so she still needs the pillow. Although Heidi mentioned trying this position at home on the couch because I can lean back and she will be resting against me. She said eventually she will just latch on herself and go right for it without me having to position her etc.

So we gave her an oz of formula after I fed her when we got home. I feel so bad that she isn't getting enough. It's amazing that she still has been gaining weight and having enough diapers. Heidi said that she might continue to gain but it would be because she is eating so often. I am just crossing my fingers that the meds work because I want nothing more then to just be able to give her breast milk and be able to pump some out for when we go out somewhere. Also with her not eating so frequently, I will take ever 2-3 hours, it will make doing stuff outside of the house much easier and especially if she has milk there to eat it will take less time. Heidi says don't go to long more then 10 mins. This is probably all that I would need anyways considering after the let down she rarely gets a second one unless I am distracted with the TV and leave her on there for a long time.

Other then that she is good. On the 11th she almost rolled over, or at least she attempted to but her arm was getting in the way. Then this past weekend she was almost doing it again at Chris mom's house reaching for something on the side of the mat she was on. She was doing it again on the 19th at mom's house on the mat she was on. The monkey will be rolling over in no time flat soon once she figures out how to get her bum over and her arm out of the way! She also can grab the lion on her play mat and pull hard enough to get him to play his music - but this is mostly when his back is to her face and she can get to his tall. She has been playing and grasping the rattle like thing on the play mat as well and likes reaching for the mirror and swatting it.

Today I had her on the play mat and was making crinkle bug her fav toy squeak and when I brought it close to her she reached out and grasped it with both hands. Chris said tonight when he fed her that oz of formula that she was holding onto the bottle with both hands. She smiles at us now when she sees us - it just brightens your heart when you see that :). She is so cute and it is every day that I still can't figure out how she is thriving so well considering all the problems I have had with breast feeding! geez!

Breastfeeding has gotten better but with the right amount of milk supply it will be way better! I look forward to 10 min feedings! :)

Monday, June 13, 2011

OMG! sooo stressed...

The past few days have not been fun. At the end of last week monkey started crying but crying like she was in pain and any time I went to burp her she would fling herself backwards and go straight as a board and there was no bending her forward to try and get her to burp. Even trying to put her over the shoulder resulted in the same thing. It is so hard to hear her cry like that and I just wanted to cry. I swear anything to do with feeding her just sucks. I was finally getting to the point where breast feeding was fine, even though feeding her so often is tiring and it's hard to do it anywhere else but at home, then this happens.

Friday night was the worst! Saturday partially during the day she was okay. Mom came up with Aunt Lena, Tam and Missy to see the baby and Steph joined us when we went out for Chinese food and she was okay throughout the whole time. I think she was getting hungry by the time we were done so she was getting a bit cranky but that didn't compare to her screams of pain :( So we got home Chris fed her some expressed milk while I went to Michael's with Tam, Missy and Steph and when we got back she was sleeping. She did do the screaming a bunch while everyone was there though. It's so hard to know why she is doing it. She swallows a lot of air and I can hear it go down when she is eating so it could be that, or is it because she was tired and couldn't get a good sleep because she was being woken up by us or was she getting enough food and is crying in hunger? I have no idea :(

When we got back from Michael's she was sleeping but soon woke up after we got there. We were walking her around and rubbing her belly and trying to get the gas out. She was burping periodically and it just seems like once she got a bubble out it relieved her for a bit until another one hurts her. Ugh it was so hard to see. I felt totally helpless. I'm so glad Chris was there to help me though. I definitely was dreading being home alone with her today while he is at work.

After they all left it just got worse and every time she fell asleep I just felt like it didn't solve the problem and she would just wake up in pain. So I couldn't even relax when she was asleep. It was so frustrating that I messaged my friend saying that I didn't know if we were going to make it to her sons 1st birthday the next day. I had planned on going but with this going on yeah I just couldn't see how I could cope being around people I don't know and having her screaming and feeling stupid when nothing I do calms her down. My friend sent a message back saying you know the best thing you could do is come anyways and talk to other moms and it's easier to give mommy to mommy advice and support in person and it's a kids bday someone is bound to be cranky. Chris urged me to go to feeling also that I need to get out of the house.

The only thing that stops me now is it's so hard for me to nurse her anywhere but home. When we go home it's easy to take my nursing pillow and go into a room and feed her. I find it to hard to nurse her in the cradle hold and with my left wrist hurting like hell with any pressure on it it just doesn't work. Sunday morning she seemed better and wasn't cranky at all so we decided to go anyways even if we didn't stay to long as it was a short drive. So off we went. I was scared she would be super cranky and crying in the car ride and I had no idea if I should sit in the front or in the back. Thankfully she slept the whole way there so it was less stress for me.

The day wasn't to bad. For the most part she was happy. I tried feeding her as best as I could a few times. Still really awkward but it worked out okay I think. My friend's sister was there she said that baby's usually get gasses during the 3-6 month time so that made me feel better that maybe it's just not her. I mean she seems content any happy other times (like now) so it can't be to serious. Obviously I will watch her and take her to the doc if I feel she needs to go. Her sister said I have to try and watch what I eat to because if I eat anything that makes me gassy it will make her as well. She said caffeine and broccoli are the worst. The thing about that though is I've read that that isn't true so it's hard to know who to believe. But the way I see it her sister had 3 kids so I am more ampt to lean towards what she said. Even if it's not true it's really not to hard to do anyways just in case because who knows. You can find info online from various trusted sources that tell you different things and contradict each other anyways. So I would believe someone I know who I know knows what they are talking about, then some random author of an article online/in a book.

Monkey was pretty good through most of the day. Unfortunately she did start to get cranky and start to do the whole screaming like she was in pain etc. She was fine after she farted a whole lot when we were upstairs and after I fed her and she was okay for a bit after that so I don't know if gas is the main culprit. She did start with her crankiness again once we went back down stairs though. It's so sad to hear and I was starting to get stressed because I suck at calming her down :( My friend had given us some gripe water that she said she won't need anymore which was awesome since it was one thing we forgot to pick up when we were on the way to her house. I wanted to try that when she was upset to see if it helped.

She slept again on the way home which was nice but was once again when I was feeding her anytime we tried burping her she did that scream. We gave her some gripe water but to say it worked or not is hard to tell. She did get a big burp out though , but hard to say if it came out because Chris was burping her or because of the gripe water. UGH!

Today hasn't been to bad. She didn't do it at 5:30 when I fed her but did when we got up around 9 something. I tried to burp her but she was having none of it so I put her back on and she seemed like she wanted to eat. So maybe it's because she isn't getting enough? But if that was the case you think she would be crying for food all the time and right now she is content playing on her mat. Okkkay as soon as I typed that she started getting fussy (but it's almost time to feed her so yeah) I don't know what to think! ahhhh The worst part is last night I called to see if I could see the lactation consultant this week and she is booked right up! The earliest I could get was next week. Seriously that sucks! and we are going home this weekend.  Heidi will be able to tell me how much she is getting out of each side when she eats since she weighs her before and after each side. I should have booked the appointment last week! :(

Thursday, June 9, 2011

first crib nap attempt...

12:15 pm

So I just finished feeding monkey and have tried for the first time to put her down for a nap in her crib. I just want to rush back to her room. It's hard not to be able to see that she is okay or what she is doing. :( We have the monitor in there and I can hear the mobile but still. I can't just look over and see that she is still breathing. This is so HARD. We need to start putting her to bed in there soon as well since she is really getting way to big for the cradle. I probably won't sleep at all when we do that for like the first few weeks. I'm so afraid something is going to happen to her. Ugh this sort of sucks. I wish that it would be easy to put the crib in our room. At least for another month or so but it's to wide for the door and the way her closet in her room it just wouldn't work. I'm going to go check on her in a few moments to see what she is doing. I don't know if she will go take a nap or not. She was yawning and was sleepy when I fed her but yeah. She at least isn't screaming right now. I can just see myself sleeping on the floor in her room for a bit to. This sucks.

ooh there just was a noise. She probably will start crying any moment now :( It's really hard to predict when she will go down for a nap though. Sometimes I think she will be out for a good stretch and she will wake up within 10 mins. At night she has been sleeping good. The night before last she was out around 9pm and I had a hard time trying to get her to eat something at 11 - sort of a dream feed. She only latched to one side. I was dreading that she would wake up within an hour of me going to bed but she slept until almost 6am! Nice to get that much sleep but realllly bad for me. My whole top half of my right breast was plugged and did it ever hurt! The left was on it's way there but it wasn't as bad. So during the day they both improved but weren't completely gone. Same thing happened last night but I didn't think it would be as bad since she did eat somewhat okay at 11. But I was wrong this morning the right was even worse! OUCH! The left was okay thank god. This last feeding finally relieved the pressure though. Seriously I HATE breastfeeding. It really sucks. It's just one thing after another. I hope I at least make it to 6 months. Only about 3 more to go.

12:33 pm

Nope that didn't last long. She started crying soon after the mobile stopped turning. Oh well it was a trial. She seems happy playing on the floor on her fun mat at the moment. I feel like complete shit. I have the last few days. Just a stupid headache that isn't really one but won't go away. Like I need to sleep or something even though I got enough sleep. Maybe I have been clenching my teeth in the night or something. The headache really makes playing with, holding, or feeding monkey really tough. I wish Chris was here to help me today. Unfortunately today after work he has an appointment with crappy tire to change the oil in the car. :( So who knows what time he will get home at!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

thunderstorms with the possibility of tornadoes = not cool....

We just got out of a severe thunderstorm warning. Scary crap considering I didn't want to be in the room with a wall of windows but I didn't want to not be able to see outside either since you can't see tornado's coming if you can't see outside. I did end up sitting in the bedroom with the baby though until we were out of the warning. Thankfully we didn't lose power either or that would have freaked me out considering once again! when I NEED the cell to be on it was freaking dead. I have it charging at the moment but still. Stupid useless thing!! Also glad that we didn't lose power since being in the bedroom I couldn't see if anything was coming our way. I just sat in there watching the weather network updates. We need to get a wind up radio or something. Hopefully we won't go back under the storm warning again. I hate being home by myself when this happens, especially with the baby and especially when they are talking about possibility of tornadoes. GEEZ!

OMG baby is crying....!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Right now I am aiming to at least bf monkey until the 6 month mark. It is going all right currently. She isn't taking as long and seems content when she is done (usually between 20-30 mins) but still eats every 1.5-2 hours. The only time she goes three is when she takes a nap. She's napping right now in her swing. The second day in a row that she went down for a nap! sweet. That makes for a less than cranky baby later on in the night. I need to get her sheets etc washed for the crib so at afternoon nap time I can put her down in there. I need to get used to her not being in the same room as me. Mom suggested I use the crib for her nap time so when we put her in there at night it wouldn't be so hard. She really needs to start sleeping in her crib at night because she is getting to big for the cradle. She sprawls out in there and sometimes whacks her hands off the side, not hard but it usually wakes her up. Of course when we move around it also startles her as well. It is just going to be soooo hard

:( I'm sure the first few nights or so I won't get any sleep at all, and of course waking up to feed her in the middle of the night will suck as well since I will have to basically wake up completely by the time I go into her room etc. Then again maybe she will sleep till the morning if she is in her own room. Right now she sleeps for at least 4-5 hours and then 3 hours after I feed her. Which is so nice. But the weird thing is I find myself more tired then I was when I had to get up every few hours to feed her. I don't know why that is. Maybe it just has to do with the warm weather? She seems to be currently napping which is a good thing :) Usually she wakes up 5 mins later.


So much for her napping. It's pretty windy here today, a little bit ago a big gust of wind made either the stove or laundry room vent clank really loud and startled her awake. I left her to see if she would fall back asleep but after about ten mins she started crying. I was hoping the swing would put her back to sleep but no such luck. I had to feed her again right after since she wouldn't stop crying and she did seem hungry. Now she is content thankfully. :)
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