Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I have been trying to journal but it never seems to work out. I am so behind as it is! So much to write about and I feel like I have no time! Monkey is actually sleeping at the moment so I thought I would at least journal about today and maybe do a bit of catch up on the last few weeks before I forget to much of what happened. I really wish I was able to journal my thoughts while I was in the hospital. I almost attempted it once but decided I would rather have rested and slept then writing anything. Plus it was sort of hard to sit up and be comfortable.

Last night Chris's mom and sister Lindsay came up to visit the baby. Linds is leaving next week to go work for the summer season at a resort so this is one of the last chances she will see the baby for awhile. She was like 'she is going to be so big the next time I see her!' I got really tired near the end of the night. They left around 9pm and I fed monkey then put her in the playpen and tried to sleep but it wasn't really working. I was pretty grumpy to say the least. I fed her around midnight, then Chris topped her up with 1.5 oz of expressed milk, then we went to sleep after she fell asleep. I woke around 5am and she was getting antzy to eat. So Chris went and prepared the two or so oz of expressed milk I had from that day and fed her that in a bottle. I decided that I needed a break that night from breast feeding. One because I was so tired before we went to bed and plus I though having 8 hours of her not hurting my nipple with the medicine on it would be good thing and hopefully give it a chance to heal. Breast feeding would be so much better if my nipple wasn't instant pain as soon as she latches on! I did go wipe it off and then express milk from both sides. The last time I went 6 or more hours without feeding or pumping my boobs were so full and hard it was uncomfortable. So I think pumping really helped last night. I think I got a little more then two oz fairly quickly. When I got up this morning they felt normal so that was good. I think the stuff might have helped my nipple a bit. It's not as bad as it was before so that is a plus. I can't wait until it's healed so I can stop using that stuff! I hate thinking that maybe I didn't get it all off. The pharmacist said to make sure it's off since it's bad for baby

After I got up this morning and fed her since she was wide awake for the longest time. She was fine when I held her but would get fussy when I put her down. She also had a really water yellowy smelly poop. Thankfully she did it before I had taken off her diaper and holy this diaper was full. She probably had a few pees in there as well since it was so heavy! I was planning on feeding her around 12:30 - 1pm but she got really fussy around 11:30 so I just fed her from my left side. She did pretty good probably eating 15-20 mins then fell asleep. I didn't bother with the right side since she was out cold, so she must have gotten enough from the right side? Now she is asleep. So I have a few hours before I have to wake her again to feed. It's exhausting having to feed her so often but at least I can watch the TV while I am doing it. She is so cute! LOVE her to death. :)

So that is our day so far. Just hanging out watching TV while she is sleeping. Maybe I will attempt to read or something or watch a movie soon. I already ate lunch so no need for that. I do need to drink more water since I am thirsty and that reminds me that I need to take my vitamins as well.!! I should go do that!

ooo yesterday I had a good idea for a story. Just a short children's book but it explains why babies smile when they are new born. Mom says that my Nanny used to say that when newborns smile they are talking to the Angels. So it's sort of a spin off of that :) I am excited to try and write the full story out! Hopefully I can do that soon. I wish I had a laptop or something so I can do that and sit on the couch to write. I really want one of those small computers just for writing. Some day maybe!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

(and just to be confusing I wrote this entry on this exact day before I had caught up with entries before this)


So this last few weeks have been a emotional roller coaster! I badly need to update my blog on what has been happening! I thought though I would as least record my thoughts and feelings on today so that way I don't forget everything that I am going through.

Yesterday I was a total basket case. I have been having a hard time getting baby to latch properly, especially on my left nipple, which hurts like hell every time she does latch on. Like instant 10 on the pain scale. It does ease off but it hurts so much at the moment that it's like I expect it to hurt soo much that it's hard not to get really tense when she goes to latch. It's so hard not to scream out loud that is how bad the pain is. Well I actually did scream a few times. :(

Today I feel so much better though and feel like I can do this, although going back and forth between feeling confident and wanting to give up is starting to suck. Well it's mostly the feeding part that I don't like since it's time consuming. Takes about 40 mins to feed her, I try 20 min on each side to make sure she is getting enough. Also she falls asleep soon after she gets latched on so that is another reason it takes awhile. Then it's changing the diaper in between to wake her up again to feed on the other side. Then once that is done it's ten minutes on the breast pump to extract some more breast milk and then a few more minutes to clean and sanitize the parts.

okies baby is crying must go see why...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

(written April 26 2011)

Today Heather from Healthy Babies came over to see how I was doing. It was nice that she did so. She said that they normally don't come out right away but since I was so upset the day before she made the appointment with me to come out. She brought a whole crap load of information for me including some information on bottle feeding baby since I was still not sure what I wanted to do. Today I felt a lot better then I did the day before. I felt like I could actually do this as apposed to the emotional roller coaster I was the day before. Poor mom since she couldn't really help me with breastfeeding problems since she didn't breast feed us at all, but it was till nice to have here there to listen to me or to take the baby if I needed her to. She spent a lot of time tickling monkey and pulling on her feet to help me keep her awake while I was trying to feed her since she is a sleepy baby who falls asleep almost right away no matter how hungry she is. So frustrating.

Today though I felt a renewed sense of determination and felt that I can actually carrying on trying to breast feed. All my thoughts were conflicted though because at times I just wanted to give up and go with formula feeding her since in my view making bottles is so much easier emotionally and time wise then trying to feed her and getting really frustrated because she doesn't want to!

I was trying to pump after each feeding during the day to help build up my milk supply in case it lacked a bit since trying to feed her after leaving the hospital. Pumping is also time consuming even though I only really spend five mins on each side. But having to wash and clean all items after each use and setting them out to dry so they are ready in 2-3ish hours. Time consuming!

It was also awkward trying to feed her the expressed milk in a little cup thing since she likes to swing her head back and forth and a few times almost knocked the pill cup out of my hand. Also trying not to pour milk into her mouth to fast or tip it to far that it spilled down her face instead of landing on her tongue so she can swallow it, also was not a fun experience. Another reason I loathed breast feeding since I felt that this was not normal and I should not have to do this! But what can you do!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

another shitty night...

(written April 17th 2011)

So like I said in my previous entry the night was total shit again. I was so upset this day I just kept saying over and over I don't think I can do this. It's to stressful, it's to crappy, I'm constantly worrying she isn't getting enough. It was horrible. I was annoyed that this paper with all these phone numbers on it for help like no one was available! I called to see if I could talk to Heidi but they said if I hadn't left a message for her earlier in the day she probably wouldn't get back to me today since it was almost home time and that if I just had a question I should call healthy babies ppl and ask to talk to their lactitionist. So that is what I did. I left a message with them. I was just sitting there so upset and poor Mom really didn't know what to say to help me. She said she couldn't even really help or offer advice since she herself never breastfeed and no one in the family really did. The only one she could recall at the time was Aunt Rose. She said everyone went back to work shortly after so they just bottle fed. Regardless it was really nice having Mom there since it was really hard for me to get up and down or walk to far and it was nice to have someone to hand the baby to me when I got all ready to feed her. Mom was even helping me keep monkey awake since she would start to eat then fall asleep. I knew she wasn't full since if you took her off and put her down she would instantly wake up and start freaking out that she was hungry! It was exhausting.

Anyways, The lactationist at healthy babies called me back and it was actually Heather that was at the appointment with Heidi the day before. So that was really nice that she knew what was going on. We talked for awhile and I felt a bit better after getting off the phone with her. I was realllly upset before talking to her. I'm sure most of it was my emotions being out of whack since I couldn't stop freaking crying my eyes out. I just felt so hopeless. So after talking to her I had a game plan in my mind. Chris would go rent a pump, I would pump after each feeding and give her the extra after each feeding. I would be more aggressive when bringing her to my breast and if by the end of the week it wasn't any better then I would switch to bottle feeding. Heather made an appointment with me for Wednesday to come out to the house and talk to me. So that was good as well. I didn't want to buy a breast pump right away since I didn't know if I was going to continue this way and they can be anywhere from $200 to $1500 (at least for the electric ones).

It was only 25 bucks a week to rent it so it wasn't that bad. We had bought a kit from Heidi at the hospital the day before to use with the machine since you have to get your own breast shield , bottles etc. Well I wouldn't have wanted to use any that they would give if they did do that anyways since it would be gross to use one that someone else had used how many times before. The pump worked pretty good. It was pretty huge and the carrying case was big as well. Nice to be able to rent a pump though at first instead of committing to purchasing one out right since you can't return them once they are open. So definitely a huge investment and one you hope you will use.

Monday, March 21, 2011

(written on april 17th 2011)

So mom got here okay thank god! Chris said when he got back from the store that he was thinking of asking the store if he could use the phone to call me to tell me to call mom and tell her not to come up today since it was so shitty out. So I am really glad she got here okay. She said she left early enough and took her time to get here. It was still really bad out though so it's good she got here okay. I told her where Chris was because she thought he was already on his way to work. I filled her in on the night and how crappy it was. I'm sure I was pretty weepy still. I was glad she was here. I was also relieved when Chris got back. He had got some formula and two bottles. He then got ready for work and went in. With moms help we sterilized the bottles and nipples, made the formula and I fed her about 1oz.

Then since it was after 9 (this was the longest wait ever) I called the hospital back and was hopeful to get an appointment to see Heidi that day. The worst part is that while we were at the hospital, at some point the stupid construction people cut both our lines again so I had to do all my calling on our stupid cell phone (pay as you go - just a basic cell). Thankfully when I called the nurse who answered seemed nicer and more understanding and sympathetic to my shitty night. She said Heidi had a opening at 1pm. Thank GOD! So I called Chris but since he was in a meeting I told them to just get him to call back. I think I might have taken a nap here and told Mom what time we had to go to both the doctor and to the lactitionist.

So Chris came and got me and we went to see Heidi. I was pretty much ready to give up breast feeding at this point. I really could not take another feeding off of my sore poor nipples. I had fed her that oz in the morning after mom came and fed her another oz around 11 before we went to see Heidi I just could not bring myself to put her on again. I figured since I was going to get help it would be okay. That day would have been the deciding factor in regards to weather I would continue this way or not. The meeting with Heidi went well and monkey was hungry too which was good. The person I had talked to when I phoned to make the appointment said if it was a problem with latching then make sure she was hungry when we went.

Heidi brought me hope that I could actually do this and pointed out a few things that I was doing wrong when trying to get her to latch on. Also she explained how to tell if she was getting a let down or swallowing. Basically telling me the whole process really helped me a lot. She also mentioned that when I went to the doctor to mention about this medication to help with my nipples to treat cracks and soreness. She said it would get better if I used that. Also she mentioned that I should either get a pump or rent one to pump after feeding her to help bring my milk supply up again since it might have been suffering due to frustration with feeding and improper latching. The worst thing about all of this was that on Sunday before the crappy night happened I was so relieved to start see that my milk was beginning to transition from colostrum to milk, so I thought I was on the right track.

She also hooked me up to her pump she had there to show me what it would feel like when I am pumping on my own. We didn't get a whole lot out but there was some. She fed it to monkey in a little pill cup thing saying that I could always feed her then express and then top her up with that. I was thinking that probably would be a good idea for me since then I would know that she was at least getting that much. It's so hard to tell exactly how much she is getting since our boobs don't have measuring ticks on them. Anyways after this meeting I was confident and felt that I could actually do this! She had a person from healthy babies with her that day as well. She was just sitting in on her meetings for the day. She was pretty nice and I didn't mind that she was there. So then we were off to the doctor.

The doctor appointment went alright. She was down in weight from 8lbs 11oz to 8lbs 1oz. We expected that though since all babies lose some of their birth weight and then regain it all within two weeks of being born. Everything else seemed to be okay with her. They also gave me a prescription for stuff to put on my nipples.  So we went to the pharmacy that is in the same building. Thankfully they rushed to mix this stuff since I think it was almost closing time for them. WHOOPS I didn't even think about that since it was about 5 something then. Thankfully they were nice and filled it there for us. It saved us a trip to SDM to get it filled. I think the amount they gave me will like last me forever and then some. geez. It cost like 50 bucks as well and my insurance card from work wasn't working either! But he said to keep the receipt and once we figure out what is going on we can send it in and get reimbursed if they cover any of it.

So we went home and the feeding time around 7ish went really well and made me feel once again that I was going to be ale to do this! It was such a relief to me since I wanted to breastfeed so bad. The trick is definitely getting her to latch properly. When we were with the lactionist I was really surprised that it didn't hurt at all when we got monkey to latch correctly. It surprised me considering the insta pain that went on every time I had tried to latch her. After that feeding unfortunately, it went to shit again. The next time I fed her was okay but not the greatest. Then all through the night it was a struggle!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

the worst night...

(written on april 17th 2011)

Today around supper time Chris parents, his two brothers, and his sister Lindsay came up to see the baby. Chris's mom had brought some lazagna up that she had made the day before for supper. I don't really remember to much about the visit. They had given us some more things that they had bought for the baby. Like clothes and some toys. :) Lots of cute things. Lindsay had gotten us some things to match with pooh bear crib set including a poo bear light!

I had to go into the bedroom to feed her at one point and then eventually I had to go into the bedroom to take a nap. It was good that they didn't mind because I was super exhausted and I think company was just to much for me right then. It was nice that Chris and the baby got to visit with them though :) They were gone when I woke up around 11:30 or so.

This night was the night from hell. All night long she wouldn't latch onto my breast and she wasn't eating to well. I was getting stressed out mega and I knew that wasn't helping. I tried calling the numbers in the booklet they gave us for help but of course telehealth is like the hospital waiting room. It takes forever to get a reply. Basically they would call me back when a nurse was available to talk to me. I got like no sleep that night because I was worried the whole time. I finally called the A6 ward at the hospital and talked to a nurse there who said at this point I needed to get something into her and that I should go find a place to get some formula and feed her that. This whole conversation really upset me since she made me feel like the worst person in the world. I really don't think that was her intention but since the baby blues were going on strong and having a whole 7 hours of baby hardly getting anything to eat I was beyond reason. We had tricked her most of the night with the soother and it worked like way to well since between trying to feed her she was sleeping sucking away on the soother.

I felt like a horrible mother at this time. But my nipples were hurting soo bad every time she went to latch on. The nurse had told me that I would have to call back at 9 to see if Heidi the lactation consultant would be able to fit me in for help. She said you might have to express that you are in great need and see if she would see me since she already has appointments that day or something. I didn't know you had to make appointments in advance which of course upset me even more.

Finally around 7am she finally latched onto one side and ate a bit, while Chris got ready and went to Sobeys to get some formula. I knew she needed something in her since she hardly ate the whole night, if she got anything at all. This was an emotional time seriously since I didn't want to give up breast feeding because of all the good benefits, the not so poopy diapers and the goodness for babys health but at the same time I could not see myself being able to continue since it had been such a horrible three days. To make matters worse the weather out this morning was horrible and snowy and shit. So not only did I worry about Chris going out in it to the store (thank god for Sobeys being 24/7!! it's the only store I think here that is like that), I also had to worry that Mom was somewhere on her way here already!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

home finally...and I can't believe people sometimes rant..

(written on April 17th 2011)

By the time Chris came in I really was not in a good state. I was exhausted, sore, depressed. I was ansy for Chris to get here. It seemed like forever for him to come. He must have came around 9:30 or so. It was a big relief when he finally did show up. Compared to the first night that I was there the second was so horrible. Like I said I really didn't get any sleep. I spent most of the morning dozing. A few people came by to ask if I was hoping to go home this day. Which I was I wanted nothing more then to be home! But I was also worried because of the bleeding and the amount of blood. Thankfully the really nice day nurse was on again so it was nice to be able to talk to her about it. She assured me that the amount was normal and told me what to watch out for and said it could last for weeks. They also had to have the go ahead from the pediatrician that the baby was okay to go home and another doctor for me to go home. It was basically a whole lot of waiting.

They also had to do a few more tests on monkey before she was able to be release. One was the heel prick test. That was so hard to watch. They had to prick her heel and then like milk the blood out into a vial. It took her forever to get enough blood and the whole time she was screaming her head off. Especially when they pricked her heel. Chris was trying to calm her down. It just made me want to cry. I couldn't even comfort her since I was stuck in the bed.

After she was done the nurse had to put blood smears on two pages needing probably about 10-15 of them. The worst part is she wasn't even half way done before she had to re-prick her foot in a slightly different spot because the first spot stopped bleeding. Again it was hard to watch. I didn't want to see her in pain! But I knew that it was for a good cause since they use that blood to test and see if she has any indicators for any development issues or whatever it is. I tried napping for awhile while we were waiting for the okay to leave. Since Chris was there to watch the baby I was able to relax enough to sleep some and I totally needed sleep.
The pediatrician stopped by to check on monkey since he was the one that had to okay her release. He was soo nice and said that on Monday we could come in and get her checked out. If your breast feeding you have to be able to see a doctor within three days of release to make sure baby is doing okay and a week if your bottle feeding. He said he was more then happy to see her until we found our own doctor. Thank god for him! It was nice of him because otherwise I wouldn't know what to do! It's hard to get an appointment with my doctor and he is all the way back home and we have no doctor here. Not a fun thing to find that's for sure but at least monkey had someone to go to for any problems. Also they wouldn't release us if we didn't have anyone to take her to. He was awesome about it after we explained our situation to him.

Basically after that we got the okay to go home. I was still nervous about going home because of the soreness but I was so happy to be getting the hell out of the hospital. Also mom had said that she took the week off that was coming up so she would come up for a few days to help me out. She had told me that on Friday and I was sooo glad to hear that because I was wondering what the hell I was going to do on Monday! It was so awesome of her!

Chris brought our stuff back down to the car and got the baby seat while I changed into normal clothes. I have to say it felt awesome to be in my own clothes! I wish I could have not worn the stupid gowns they had but since I was bleeding so much I didn't really want to wear anything else. My shoes though when I put them on were really tight but they still fit. I never realized that my feet were swollen until this time. We got baby into the car seat and started the journey down to the car. I wished now that I had Chris get a wheel chair for me. I could not walk to fast and by the time we got down to the entrance way I was really sore and just wanted to sit. It took a lot out of me and exerting myself that much that soon was a bad thing. He left me with monkey at the chairs by the door while he went and got the car. It seemed to take him forever but finally he was there and I was able to get into the car and we were finally on our way home.

Unfortunately while we were driving down the main street a stupid ass woman in her SUV almost ran into us. She was semi behind us in the lane beside us and was swerving to get around a back flow of people turning left at the lights but since there was so many of them the last few cars were not in the lane for turning so she had to go around them sort of. She didn't even look to make sure there was no one beside her. I screamed and Chris honked his horn because she was coming into our lane and would have pushed us to the right. Well she got all pissy and started honking her horn as well after she slammed her brakes on a bit and backed off. That had me in tears. Yep stupid emotions  but god we were coming home from the hospital with baby and we almost got hit!! geez. I was so freaking pissed at her. Chris was giving her the evil eye when we got to the lights where we had to turn. We were in the turning lane and she as in the lane beside us basically level with us at the lights. Chris said that she wasn't looking at us though. Probably because she realized that she was in the wrong and that is why you CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS!! and not swerve into other lanes without looking!! Especially on a busy FOUR LANED road. Seriously!

Anyways it was nice to be home. I really did not like the way I was feeling though. I'm sure it was a combo of lack of sleep, giving birth and loss of blood. My whole body felt weird all light like and I just felt wrong. It was hard to take a nap I didn't think I was going to fall asleep. I had a really good cry before I did finally nod off. It was hard because I knew I would have to get up and feed monkey soon after I fell asleep. It was good that Chris was there to watch her. I did feel a bit better after I woke up. It was still a rough time. I was definitely having the baby blues. Not to mention my nipples were really killing me due to breast feeding. I started loathing when I had to breast feed her, which at this point felt like all the time.

Friday, March 18, 2011

(written on april 16th 2011)

When it was time for the staff to change shifts the nurse brought monkey back to me. I remember asking her if she cried at all and she was like yep we passed her around and she was on everyone's lap. I bet all the nurses just love being able to hold and cuddle newborns all the time :) Anyways after that I tried my best to keep her quiet since it was really hard for me to even get out of bed or move around. So I was hoping she wouldn't get to cranky before Chris got there or I would have a real hard time getting out of bed to pick her up. I can't remember exactly but I think Chris got there before I had to get her out to feed her. He came as early as he could. It was a relief to have him there. Nursing was semi a pain in the butt since trying to get it right was a challenge. I think in the morning Heidi the lactation consultant came by to talk about breast feeding with me. I really don't remember to much about what she was saying and since I had just fed monkey, it was pointless (or so I thought at the time) to get her to show me how to do it and I thought I was doing it okay anyways. She went through a booklet of breastfeeding info they give us at the hospital and said she might be back later if I wanted her to come by and if she had time to do so. I think I said yes here but she never did actually show up. Now of course I wish I would have been more coherent and awake to listen to what she was saying and ask more questions and get her to show me how to breast feed properly. The things we wished we knew before hand.

This whole day consisted of people coming, pushing on my uterus, checking my healing process, taken my blood pressure, checking my temperature and giving me pain meds. Most of that was so embarrassing but it's what they are supposed to do I guess. Today I had a student nurse working with a full time nurse, she was really nice. They had to keep the drip on me for most of the day today because I was still gushing blood so I was still hooked up to tons of tubes it was not fun. Another reason why moving around was a pain in the ass. To make matters worse in the wee hours of the morning I got a roommate. I didn't want to be there any longer, it was horrible! I had my curtains closed around me but still. I hated being in there with someone else! Plus we had to share the bathroom as well. I so wished we had a private room :(

It seemed like a long day. I believe that Mom, Tam, Steve and Steph came to visit us near the end of the day. By then I was feeling much better although it was still hard to move around and get up. Sitting up was just impossible and lying in one spot for so long was killing my back but it was to hard to shift around to much. By the time they came to visit they had taken all the tubes out thankfully. I hated that the person that had been wheeled in there in the wee hours of the morning had company with little kids and some of them sat in the chairs that were like right beside my curtain so if the curtain wasn't shut all the way they could see in if they did. The person across from me seemed to just have her curtains open completely at this point. UGH! All I wanted to do was go home!! It was a nice visit when they came though. Mom said she felt better seeing me today since I looked a lot better then I did the day before.

Work sent us flowers because Chris had called work earlier when he got there to tell them he wouldn't be in since I had given birth. Also mom brought me flowers that were in a small glass pink baby train. Tam told me it was the same one that Dad brought Mom in the hospital when she had me so that is pretty cool. Mom hinted that she had three more baby flower holders from when I was a baby. LOL so I guess she wants us to have three more kids or have some more kids. hehe . They stayed for awhile and then left to go home. It was nice to have some company and some people to talk to. Although they had to step out when I needed to try and breastfeed her. I think probably by this time my nipples were starting to really hurt.

Chris stayed until around 11 or 12 again until they kicked him out. I realllly didn't want him to leave. I was so emotional and exhausted and I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope when he left since if monkey started crying I would have to get up and get her out and that was no easy feat since I had a hard time getting out of bed to begin with. I as so swollen and sore. The fact that if I wanted to call the nurses for anything the person across from me would hear me and it was just so not comfortable. I hated being there that night which didn't help me emotionally. I would have been okay if Chris was there to support me but unfortunately I had like 8 hours before he would be back. Also when I had to go to the washroom I had to leave monkey and go and get back quickly. I didn't like leaving her but I really had no choice. Walking was hard, I like waddled and I hated it.

Nursing was a pain and my boobs hurt so much that every time she latched on it killed. I probably had problems feeding her as well since I was so upset that I don't see how she was getting anything. I did the best I could though. The nurse at one point said that I could put clothes on her that I didn't have to leave her naked and at one point said that I could use a pacifier if I had one that maybe she just wanted to suck because she could see that I was upset about feeding her and that she was always crying. I did dress her and that might have helped a little bit. I also was so worn down at one point in the night that I did give her a pacifier. I didn't want to do that right then on the second night of her life since I read about nipple confusion and I still wasn't to confident in breast feeding. This whole night was just a really bad night. I was to afraid to sleep because I didn't want to not hear her or I was afraid she would stop breathing or choke. Plus she was really cranky and wouldn't stop crying anyways.

At one point I did call the nurse because she was breathing weird. The nurse came and put some saline drops in her nose and said to just pat her back because it was probably mucus that was in her system from when she was born and that she probably would sneeze soon to clear it and that it was nothing to worry about. I had to call them a second time because she was still doing it but the nurse that came reassured me. I hated calling them because there is like an intercom on the bed and they talk to you from it and like I said the person across from me could hear what I was saying. I never felt so stupid in my life and never wanted more then anything to be in my own private room with Chris. The expense to me now seemed well worth it. :(

All in all this was one of the worst nights of my life! I was never more relieved to see Chris walk around the curtain the next day!

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Happy birthday monkey! Born on St.Patricks Day 2011 weighing 8lbs 11oz :)

(written on april 4th 2011)

So once again we got up and went to the hospital to start the process again. Again I was put on the monitor. This time we brought up all our stuff we had packed for the hospital with us, just in case we were going to be admitted that day. The doc eventually came in, after what seemed like forever, and checked me. I might have been slightly more dilated I can't remember at this point. Around this time, Mom and Tammy and everyone arrived. I'm not really sure who else was with them although I think that Marilyn had already been waiting at the hospital for awhile before mom and co arrived. The nurse came in and said there was a whole whack of people here to see me but they were only going to let one person in. They didn't really encourage visitors in this ward and usually ask everyone to wait in the waiting room area. Makes sense to me there is only so much room there, but I knew everyone just wanted me to know that they were there :).

So Mom came in to see me. It was at this point that my doctor came in to tell me what they were going to do (break my water and admit me). Mom gave me a hug and wished me luck and said they would be waiting in the waiting room. After mom left he checked me and then broke my water which sucked, not a fun experience. My contractions before that were still consistent and getting worse but I could still stand them. After he broke my water they got sooo bad. The jump in the intensity of my contractions really sucked! I had a hard time breathing through them they were so bad!

I definitely bumped a girl that was in to be induced that day. She had to come back the next day. I was happy that we weren't being sent home again though. Might have been frustrating for her since she was I think in the day before as well but I was more over due then she was so I am glad they induced me. The nurse that we had was really nice. She said that they would get a room ready for me soon. I was happy about that because I really didn't want to be in the monitoring room anymore. There are 6 beds in there, sure they have curtains but it's not the same as being in your own room. We were soon after sent to birthing room #1.

The pain at this point was getting unbearable. It probably was around 10am at this point. It was nice to be in our own private room. The pain was so bad and I remember commenting to one of the nurses that I don't know how anyone can do this. She was like that is why when I got married I told my husband that we weren't going to have kids, he was like no problem. lol. I don't really blame her since she sees what people go through on a daily basis. All the nurses were really nice, including the one that was basically my nurse through the whole thing. It made the process much better.

She gave me some medicine, not sure what it was now, into my IV to help with the pain because my contractions where really bad and really hard to get through and breath through. Chris was trying to help me get through them but it was so hard knowing that another one was going to start to build in three minutes. After the medicine I felt really sluggish and loopy but the contractions were standable. I don't even know if I noticed them or not at this point. The nurse asked me if I wanted to go get into the tub which I said yes I would try that. Why not, I figured I would give it a shot since I will be in the hospital in labour for a freaking long time possibly.

So she went and got that ready and then came back and told me I could go down anytime. So I pulled my IV pole thing along with me and we went down to the birthing room that had the water jet tub in it (All the birthing rooms have tubs in them but unfortunately when they build that wing they put the wrong tubs in them except one so they are off limits. They are like a hazard to prego women since they are so high and deep and have no jets in them plus no step to get into them easily.) So that sort of sucked, it  would have been much better if I was in the same room as the birthing tub. Anyways she told me that I could adjust the water temp but not any higher then what she had it set at. I had to turn the temp down a bunch since it was really hot. The jets were really nice though! I probably was in there for an hour or 1.5 hours. I thought I would have to get out at some point but one time when she came in she asked if I was ready to go back or if I wanted to stay in there longer. I guess I could have stayed in there as long as I wanted. At this time though it was really hot, I was just dripping sweat. The water might have been nice and the jets relaxing me but I felt like I was over heating and having sweat drip off my face just wasn't the nicest thing in the world at that moment. It was sort of getting uncomfortable so I told her it would be nice to get out and go back to my room. So Chris helped me out. That was a BIG mistake. BIG BIG BIG mistake. I was feeling the contractions in the tub but they weren't to bad. I was still sort of loopy, but the meds had started to wear off I think. Anyways as soon as I got out and was starting to dry off holy CRAP were the contractions really bad. It was all I could do to get dressed and get back to my room. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it back there since we were at the opposite end of the hall!

It was such a relief to get back and lie down on the bed! The nurse asked me how I was doing and what I wanted to do for pain. I think she might have given me the option of some more of whatever she gave me before or a epidural. Now I didn't want to get an epidural unless I needed to. I basically was open to anything since I didn't know how I was going to be. Well at this time I didn't want to go through anymore of those contractions, it was the worst pain ever in my life. I didn't see how I could handle however many more hours of that! So I said epidural please. Anything to take away the pain. She was like okay I will go see if the doctor is still here. He was in the wing giving someone else one and was about to leave. So it was a good thing I asked for it then or I would have been waiting for like two plus hours for him to come back!

He thankfully came in and started the process. I was scared to death of this since they put that tube right in your spine! I thought it was going to hurt! The nurse assured me that if I got through the IV being inserted, then this was nothing because the IV was worse. Another nurse had come in and gave me a hug while I was sitting on the bed waiting for the doc to be ready. She was like I am so glad to hear you are getting the epidural. The worst part of this was when he put the needle in to freeze my back. The tube and needle going into my spine I didn't feel at all! This experience was nothing like I expected it to be or how it was made to seem like on shows like 'baby story' etc. A lot of things about the whole labour and delivery were like that. Doesn't matter how prepared you are, how much you read or watch things it is not the same at all! Surprising but true.

Once he got me all hooked up, there was like this big tape thing on my back etc I finally got to lay down. I don't think I was noticing the contractions during this either since I was so worried about the epidural. Wish I could have distracted myself from that pain without having to have it done or any pain meds for that matter. The doc told me not to drag my back on the bed when I shift position so that it won't tear the tube out. They asked me if I felt anything. The nurse was like you are having a contraction right now. I was like really? I felt nothing! It was like any normal day. The relief was immense!! The epidural was nothing like I expected. I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anything or move but I could do both. My legs did feel slightly numb but it was nothing that was to noticeable. After a few minutes I felt like I was cheating since I was fine just sitting in the bed waiting for the baby to be ready to come out. I even told that to one of the nurses and she just sort of laughed.

Chris had got a tv/internet/phone card so we were watching something on tv. I don't even remember what it was or if I could hear the sound. I decided to try and sleep because I'm sure labour would be exhausting. It probably was around 1-2pm by this time. The nurse checked me at around 2 or 3ish and I was about 4 cm. About an half hour later (I'm not sure about the exact times I'm just guessing) my doctor came over from the office to check me and he was talking about how the doctor that was on that night was a good one  because I don't think he thought I would be ready to give birth until later that night. But when he checked me he was like oh well you might go before I leave for the day. I was at 7 cm! In a half hour I went from 4 to 7. I think that they put oxytocin (however that is spelled) in my IV after the epidural to help induce me further and help labour along. I vaguely remember something about that.

Soon after that, I felt lots of pressure and commented to the nurse about it. She said to let her know when it felt like I should start pushing. It wasn't long after that that I told Chris that I think I should start pushing. I can't remember if the nurse was in the room at that time or if Chris went to tell someone but she came and checked me and I was fully dilated. She either went to call the doctor or got someone else to tell him that I was ready and that he probably should come over. So she started the labour process and got me to start pushing, she helped me by telling me were to focus my pushs. This was around 4pm. I was pushing for 10secs three times in each contraction. Sometimes I was able to push for a fourth time. I pushed as freaking hard as I could because I wanted this baby out. That hour was so exhausting. The contractions were so close together and it was tiring trying to lift my legs up every time to push. Not to mention that I didn't have to much control of my right leg. It felt really weak. I think I said a million times that I couldn't do this anymore but every time a contraction came I was pushing as hard as I could, because really I had to push no matter what.

The doctor came in at some point and got all ready in his scrubs. I remember him asking me if I was against using a suction and I was like do whatever you have to do to get baby out! I remember asking if Chris could see the baby's head since I felt sure that he must be able to see the baby by then but he was like nope only when you push. This sort of depressed me since at this time I was so exhausted and I had hoped that it would be over soon, but with his reply I knew it was going to be awhile longer and I didn't know how I was going to have enough strength to continue!

So not to be so graphic in my blog basically the doctor had to use the suction cup thing because baby was having a hard time getting past the pubic bone. He assured me that it would be mostly me and that he would just be helping baby along. I'm sort of glad that it wasn't the other way around or baby would have a really bad cone head! He also unfortunately had to cut me as well because it looked like I might tear. I'd rather have a clean cut then a bad tear. Shudder. This was also was something I hoped to avoid but at this point I don't think I cared what they did as long as the baby came out soon.

I remember the instant that he pulled monkey out. I randomly glanced down but for the most part I was in a haze and concentrating on pushing as hard as I could. It was such a huge relief. I literally remember letting out a big breath and collapsing back onto the bed. I looked at the clock and it was 5:15. So I had been pushing for only an hour and 15 mins. Not to bad. I expected it to be longer. I remember him asking if 'dad wanted to cut the cord' which of course Chris did.

After that everything is sort of a haze and like a dream. Well really the whole thing was. They said it was a girl and they went and measured her. I was looking in her direction trying not to cry and not really noticing what doc was doing. I know the placenta needed to come out. The only thing I felt really was when he was pushing on my stomach really hard probably to get my uterus to contract.

The nurse brought monkey back to me and she was all wrapped up in her blanket swaddled and laying on my chest. I just kept holding onto her staring at her. I couldn't believe that it was finally over - well except for being stitched up. I had to have a lot of stitches and I swear it seemed to take him a lot longer to stitch me back together then it did to give birth to monkey! Lucky for Chris because I had monkey in my arms I couldn't do any death grip onto his hands or arm or anything. It was so hard to get through that. I remember the nurse asking me if they could take her to weigh her or if I wanted to keep holding onto her because she was distracting me. I said she was definitely distracting me. So she left that part until doc was done.

Typing this now I can say that I remember that I never expected the birth and the after stuff to be as bad as it was and I was convinced that I would never have another baby again because I didn't want to go through that again. I couldn't understand how anyone could do this more then once, especially after knowing what the first time was like. But now as I type it I totally would consider having another baby and I don't remember just how bad it really was, even though I remember that I knew it was really bad. If that makes any sense. I lost track of time at this point.

The stitching must have taken an hour or so to complete. We didn't even call or go out and tell mom and them that she was born because it was taking a long time to repair me and I also wanted to breast feed before seeing them. Chris did finally call after the doctor was finally done with me but told them that I wanted to try and breast feed before they came in. He told them it was a girl her weight etc. I guess they all like cheered really loudly when he had called. Chris had tried to put the phone to my ear really fast because I guess Steve had passed the phone to mom really quickly and because they were screaming but by the time I got it and said hi Steve's phone either died or the ran out of time on it. So either Chris phone Tam's phone or someone called ours. That was when he said he would come get them when we were done trying to breast feed.

I barely remember the nurse showing me the football hold and trying to feed her. After that I think it was around 7:30 pm when the family started coming in to see us. I felt like royal shit. My hair was like all over the place. I really wanted nothing more then a shower and to get out of the hospital clothes but I was to exhausted and tired to do any of those things, not to mention sore. They came in to see us in three's I think or maybe fours. I know Mom and Marilyn came in first with Tammy (Chris's sister). I think Tam,Steve and Steph came in in the second wave? I know at the end I remember seeing Tammy and Kaitlin and someone else with them to say bye to us. Well I guess they all cycled through again to say by to us and to congratulate us. My memory is so hazy because I was so exhausted but it was nice that they all were there for us even though they all must have been bored as hell waiting in the waiting room all that time. I'm thankfully that they did that though considering I didn't think we would have anyone or at least not to many people in the waiting room waiting for us since everyone except Steph lives 1-1.5 hours away! So thank you Mom, Marilyn, Tam and Steve, Tammy, Kaitlin and Steph for being there for us. :) (I also hope I didn't miss anyone!)

I think mom said she felt better after seeing me, although she might have said that the second day because I must have looked like I went through the ringer when she came into the birthing room. I really wished that we could have stayed in that room. It was nice and private and calm in there. Chris also was with me. A nurse came in at some point to say they were getting a bed ready for me and that it might be an hour or so. She did mention to Chris that because it was a ward room he couldn't stay overnight because there just wasn't room. She asked him that in a question. I was hoping they would let him stay with me the first night at least. I really didn't want him to leave!! But no such luck.

They eventually had the room ready and both the nurse and Chris helped me get into a wheelchair. Holy crap I am glad for that since I was so freaking weak! It was hard to move. They handed me the baby and Chris grabbed our stuff and off we went down to the other ward and into the room where I was going to stay. I have to say again I wish we had a private room. Although the good thing is that the first night I was in there by myself. They kicked Chris out around 11 or 12. It was hard to see him go.

They did have the baby in the room with me which was nice. The nurse that was looking after me was really nice. I liked her. She came by a lot to check on me and to give me pain meds etc. After a bit she asked me if it was okay for her to take monkey out to the nurses station so I could get some sleep. She said she would bring her back in to nurse but she really didn't need to nurse to often the first 24 hours. So I got a good amount of sleep that night. I think about 3-4 hours until sometime in the wee hours of the morning she came to get me up and moving so she could check that everything was normal. Walking was NOT FUN! and I was fairly close to the washroom. That was the hardest part not being able to move to well and knowing that when monkey was with me and started crying I had to get her and that took like a year each time. That was why I really wish that Chris was still with me! Stupid private/semi private room costing so much. The other downfall of being in the ward room is that no visitors except for visiting hours. If I was in a private room everyone could have potentially stayed longer to see the baby and all be in there at the same time instead of 2s or 3s I believe.

It was definitely a long ass day and it sucked that I was by myself without Chris the first night but it was nice that my nurse was super nice and that I got much needed sleep.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

induction day..

(written april 4th 2011)

So this morning we got up and went to the hospital to get the cervidal taken out. My doctor checked me and decided that he would insert another type of pre-induction medicine I guess. This time it was a jel like substance that sits against the cervix. At this time I was having contractions but they were still weak. After that was inserted he wanted me to wait and walk around for an hour or so to see if the contractions intensified, went away or stayed the same. Mom and Tammy had come up and Steve and Steph were there as well.They were sitting in the waiting room pretty much all day long. I was supposed to be induced today but he basically told me that they were sort of full up for inducements and that it probably wouldn't happen today. I guess there was someone else that bumped me in the order. He did reassure me though that obviously if you go into labor we will make room for you at the inn, so that was never a concern.

Anyways we were at the hospital all day long basically and it was a lot of waiting for Mom and them. I don't really remember exactly how it all went down. I'm sure there was a lot of waiting in the morning and in between things. I'm pretty sure that when we first got there they hooked me up to the monitor and were monitoring me and baby for awhile before doc came in to exam me and take the cervidal out.

Anyways so I was walking up and down the hallway, feeling like a fat ass in the hospital gowns and my shoes. I really hated that you could see the bottom portion of my legs and my ankles. I would have much rather walked around in my own clothes then that gown. It was sort of embarrasing really. We did stop and talk to mom and them in the waiting room at times. We were timing my contractions which were happening 3 mins apart consistantly, but they were still standable, stronger then they were before but still standable. They never really progressed. So after about an hour of slowly walking up and down that shitty hallway we went back to the nurses desk to say that my doctor wanted me to get a nurse to check me to see if my cervix had opened up anymore. I think I was only about 2-3 centimeters that day. He said the meds were helping to soften the cervix but it still wasn't enough. But any progress was good. So the desk person said that at the moment the nurses were busy with a delivery or two but once one of them was free she would get them to check me. So it was back to walking up and down the hallway. At this time I was getting annoyed. I would have rather been at home then pacing that damn hallway! Finally we decided to go in and get some water and ice so we would have to walk by the desk and hopefully jog there memory that I was still there! It was like an hour after we had originally went to ask them for a nurse to check me! Talk about long hours of waiting geez!

After we got the water and we were walking past the desk one of the nurses was like I can totally check you now if you want. She apologized for taking so long which really I didn't care about that I understood that she was helping delivery a baby. It was just annoying having to wait soooo long. Anyways she checked me and I had made no progress so they sent me home and told me to come in at 6-7am the next morning or if I go into labour in the night. I was actually hoping this would be the case but who knew at this point.

So I got dressed and we went to the waiting room to tell Mom and Tam and them what was going on. So we went back to our house to visit for awhile and ate some pizza and crazy bread that Steve and Tam had picked up at Little Caesars on the way back to our house. They planned on coming up the next day. My doctor basically told me that if I didn't go into labour myself that I would be a higher priority the next day for induction since I would be 9 days over due by then. So we just bunkered down the rest of the night and hoped that I went into labour before then.

I have to say that being pregnant was never more real then it was at this time since it could happen anytime or the next day for sure. There was no more waiting! I was going to have a baby and the whole process was pretty scary! I definately wasn't looking forward to it but I was hopeful that the contractions I would be able to stand. At this point I could totaly see why Mel (Chris's cousin) would want a home birth. To be able to give birth in a place that you are comfortable in would have been heaven. (I'm not saying that was her only reason but it's definately one that would appeal to me the most, I definately did not want to be spending anymore time at the hospital. This day was just exhausting and long.) But I don't think I could ever do that, to scared in case of anything medical that would need to be done and to be away from the hospital. Definately not for me. But I can see the appeal. The last place I wanted to be at this time was anywhere but at home!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


(written on april 4th 2011 - finally had some time to catch up!)

Tonight me and Chris had to go to the hospital for 6pm for a pre-induction using something called cervidal. They did the usual when we got there and by then I knew where to go to since we have been in there a bunch (the monitoring room). Anyways my doctor came in and showed me what it looked like. It was bascially a long flat piece of paper? that they inserted. To me it looked like a straw wrapper that you would have on straws at fast food places. The info sheet said it has medication in it that is slowly released over 12 -24 hours. It supposed to help soften your cervix which in turn might help start labour. Unfortunately for us we did not know that after it was inserted I had to be monitored for two hours before I was allowed to go home. I guess to make sure there is no complications with the meds or any other problems. Still sucked and was a long two hours considering I was hooked up to the monitor and was laying on those beds again. Especially considering what happened the day before I wasn't looking forward to having to be there that long. I did not want a repeat back pain like that. Plus you have to wear those stupid gowns, yeah not making me feel to comfy.

Thankfully after two hours we were able to go home. Sometimes they have to keep you longer but all was well with me and baby so they sent me home and told me to come back in at 6 or 7 am so my doctor could take it out. Having that in was very uncomfortable. It's like a tampoon since it has a cord that hangs out and it was irritating to the skin! Sitting really sucked but thankfully sleeping during the night I didn't feel it at all. They told me to take it out if things like my water breaks or I have more then five labour pains in ten mins or they are longer then 90 seconds in duration. Funny since I have no idea if the pains I was having was labour pains or not. I think at this point I was having regular pains but they were easily ignored and I could distract myself easily from it so I guess they were just like practice contractions or my body getting ready for labour.

All night I know I was ansy about going into labour and actually really hoping that I would! But no such luck. :(

Monday, March 14, 2011

non stress test

So this morning I got up around 8:30 am since I needed to be ready for when Chris came back from work to pick me up to go to the hospital for the non stress test. Except I was shocked that he walked back into the house 10 mins after I got up. The car wouldn't start! Instant stress for me and all I could think of was what the hell would we have done if I went into labour last night and the car wouldn't start. I guess obviously we would have had to call a taxi or something but yeah not the most ideal way to get to the hospital!

Anyways Chris called CAA around 9:10 am and they said it would be about 45 mins before they would be out, or I guess anytime between 1 and 45 mins. We figured it was the battery was dead. Chris did change the turn signal that was acting wonky and not working properly Sunday night.

Anywas I called the hospital because I didn't know if I would make the 10:30 time slot because of the car. So she said that we can come in at 11:30. The CAA guy got here at a resonable time and he was gone by 10 to 10. The battery was fine, he determined that the car was flooded and just had to step on the gas really hard and it started. It's so weird since Chris said when he was trying to start it this morning he was being careful not to flood it. He said also yesterday when he turned the car on to check the signal light it sort of stuttered a bit and it did seem to him today that the clock in the car seemed to take a really long time to turn off. That was why we thought it was the battery. Anyway's it was a relief that the car started!! I did not want to have to take a cab to the hospital!

So I call the hospital back to make sure it`s okay that I go for 10:30 since we can make it now. They were fine with that. So we get ready and go. We brought my hospital bags with us just in case. So we get to the hospital and go up to labour and delivery and she hooks me up to the machine. She took my temp and blood pressure. The two things were to monitor when I was having contractions and the babys heart rate. I also had this button I had to push every time I felt the baby move. She said I would be hooked up for about 30 mins, but I was actually hooked up for more then one hour. It was scary near the end since babys heart rate was dropping and then went down to the 60's, but the line was broken so I was thinking maybe it was just registering mine. When the nurse came to unhook me she said that that is what happened. Baby prolly shifted and it just picked up mine. So that was a relief! She said everything looks perfectly fine and baby has a nice home in there.

My right side of my back was starting to hurt near the end because I couldn't really move on the bed at all. It really started sucking, plus I really had to go to the washroom really bàd. The first nurse when we first got there asked if I could give a urine sample. I didn't expect that so before we even go to the desk in that ward we had used the washroom. So she got me a big glass of water so I had been drinking that since she seemed to want me to give one near the end. I think at the same time Ì might have also been in the mist of a contraction. I might have been cramping slightly as well. Anyways it was a pain to sit up and I was in so much pain that I couldn't really concentrate on what the nurse was saying to us. She was talking about what would happen tommarrow night when I go into the hospital for whatever they have to do to prepare for the induction the next day. The only good thing is that it might not be needed, it depends on how thin the cervix is . So here is hoping if I go into labour before then I won`t need it. She said you probably won't get much sleep at all once it`s in. Oh great considering last night I had a bitch of a time getting to sleep and not being able to sleep in this morning really sucked.

Anyways I finally went to the washroom and all I could think of is I want to be home and to be able to lay down but I can't since I'm at the hospital and there is no where to lay down (Well really I could have just went and layed on the bed I was laying on during the non stress test). But I felt dizzy and sick and was in a faint cold sweat. The pain in the right side of my back was sooo crappy!! I thought I was going to pass out in the washroom. All I was thinking with dread in my stomach is that I can't go through this labour thing!! Not that I really have a choice though. I was like hmmm maybe a epidural sounds pretty good at the moment. lol. So I finish in there and go to the door where Chris is and sit in the chair where we were during the stress test because I didn't want to be standing at that moment. Someone was straightening up that cubicle and I guess on her way out she told the nurse that I was still in there in pain or something. After sitting for a few minutes and drinking a bit of water I was feeling better. Once we left that room and went around the corner the nurse was like oooh it was you that other person was talking about. She asked if I was okay. She said it might be because of the way the baby was laying or hitting a nerve or whatever. She said feel free to come back anytime in labour lol. That happened about 10 to 12 and it hasn't happened since and it`s almost 2pm.

I am so ready for baby to come out but if that is any indication in what its going to be like I don`t want to have to go through it. Or if that is what back labour feels like! Geez!!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Doc appointment and rambles..

Yesterdays doc appointment went well I guess. When we walked in I was surprised that the waiting room was empty. Usually there are at least three or four other people waiting. Chris had brought a book up with him to read while waiting because the last few times we were there we had to wait 1 hour + and sitting there staring at the wall does get boring after awhile.

We got in pretty much right away though. So it was the typical appointment with the checks they had to do (weight, urine, blood pressure, belly measurement and listening to baby's heart beat). I did mention that baby seemed to not be moving around as much the last few days. But honestly I've been worried about that for the last 2 or so months and the heart rate has always been in the same range. Anyways this time he did a check to see how I was progressing since I am over due. Not the most comfortable thing in the world but like he said at the hospital it will happen a lot so yeah. Anyways he said that it seemed like it had thinned out quite a bit and after a few seconds he was able to find the opening and was able to sweep the membrane. Hopefully that will jump start labour. If not monday I go into the hospital for a non stress test to see how the baby is doing. Then Tues I go in to get something done (I forget now but I think at least that they send me home) which is nice and then I have to call them just before 7am Wed morning to find out when they want me to come in that day to be induced. Hopefully that doesn't happen. I really don't want to be induced.

So for the most part I am not really freaking out about the whole labour thing. But there are the rare moment that I am terrified. I can't really pin point exactly what it is either. It's not like all of a sudden baby is coming out! It will happen somewhat gradually. I think partly it's that after baby is out I will be responsible for this little creature and I have no idea how to take care of a newborn! I don't know. I'm sure once I see baby I will fall head over heels in love and not be worried at all. I just feel like because of my age I should know what the hell I am doing. At least I have Chris to help me :) and of course lots of family to ask if I have any questions. It is just going to be so different after baby. It's so close!! Crazy how the time seemed to have flown by but while it was going on it was never ending.

I guess only time will tell if it leads to labour contractions or not. I have noticed that today the tightening of the stomach has been happening more frequently with a slight feeling of cramps. So Dunno hopefully that isn't just wishful thinking.

My cold has seemed to improve a lot from yesterday. I haven't had to blow my nose quite as much and that is a good thing considering it's almost baby time! I can at least breathe through my nose. My nose was super red yesterday. I hate that look! Yeck!

I totally want our baby to come out now!!

Friday, March 11, 2011


Ugh so yesterday I thought I was feeling better since I was less congested then I was the last few days. Unfortunately even though I slept well last night I woke up today with a semi sore throat and a cough. So the congestion has moved down into my chest. The only good thing at the moment is that I don't have to cough to much although the few times I did there was sooo much congestion in my chest it was horrible and when I was in my coughing fit my nose like plugged right up. After blowing it a million times it seems to get better so that is weird. One nostril is at least clear at at time. It's nice especially at night because I'm not getting a sore dry throat. I'm glad that I have a doc appointment today. Hopefully there is something I can take to help this! Nasal sprays or some tynelol based cold stuff or SOMETHING. I've been drinking tons of water. I just really don't want to feel like this when I deliver my baby :( My teeth unfortunately near the end of last night started aching and they are aching again today. I just want to rip them out of my mouth! I HATE when they do this. I don't know if I was clenching my teeth or something. UGH.

So it's 2:30ish at the moment so only a few hours before I see the doctor. I'm also worried and concerned becuse the last two days baby really hasn't been moving around to much. Today I have barely felt her move. I don't know if it's because baby might have dropped even more and just doesn't have to much room to move so unless I am feeling my belly I don't feel the movements or what? :( ugh!!! stupid cold, stupid teeth, stupid everything!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

might feel slightly better?!

So last night I slept a bit better then I did the night before. I still didn't get a good nights sleep though. I switched sides with Chris hoping that it would help. I used to sleep on the right side all the time and am more comfortable on my right side. I had originally switched sides with him becuase my doctor said I should try and relax and lay on my left side for at least 30 mins a day to help blood flow easier back to the heart or whatever due to the extra amount in my system. So I thought might as well sleep on that side. So sleeping on my normal side seemed to help a bit. I still had to blow my nose like a million times last night. I think I must have went through a whole box of klennex or something!

I tried the neti pot again last night before bed and even tried to take a hot shower to see if that would loosen stuff up. Neither helped. I was just as stuffed up as I was going into the shower as coming out and the neti pot I couldn't get the flow to go into my other nostril which was annoying! So it must be pretty plugged up or something. It just kept going down my throat. I hate using it to begin with but it usually does help. I am going to try using it again shortly, the only annoying thing is that I have to boil water and then wait until a cup of it is luke warm which I always seem to forget that it's sitting there. Oh well I think I might make some hot chocolate at the same time. Hopefully it will work better today then it did yesterday.

I did sleep more last night. We crawled in bed around 9:30 -10pm and watched Harry Potter. Well sort of, really I was hoping it would lull me to sleep. I did eventually fall asleep with Chris's help, since he was rubbing my head but I kept waking up. Then I couldn't get back to sleep again. It was so annoying. It's really hard to find a comfortable position and of course every time I get sleepy it's like I have to get up to go to the washroom or my nose is runny.

When Chris left for work, I turned the tv on and watched some TLC. I eventually dozed and at one point fell into a really good sleep but that was short lived since I woke up with my nose so runny that I couldn't ignore it. OMG I just want this to go away. I feel like crap all day long and it sucks. It would be nice to feel well enough to do SOMETHING. Even if it's straightening things up or whatever. The good thing is that today I woke up with no sore throat so hopefully that is a sign that it is going away. It wasn't even sore at any point during the million times that I woke up last night. So that is a relief.

Today seems to be going by soo freaking slow. It feels like it should be way later and it's not even 1pm yet. I don't know how Chris is fairing since he got about the same amount of sleep as I did. I feel bad because I am probably what kept him up, with all my getting up and sniffing and having to blow my nose. Not fun at all. I don't want to be exhausted when baby does come! So far no signs today that that will happen today at all. Hopefully tommarrow I feel much better. I wish I could take something for this but I can't :( My nose does seem less stuffed today, or at most times. It goes through it's phases. So here is hoping!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


MY DUE DATE!! Wooot! Unfortunately there has been no sign so far today that labour is going to start any time soon. I guess it's normal for first time mom to go past her due date so yeah. Might be a good thing though considering last night was another shitty night of sleeping. I finally did nod off and I think I got more sleep then I did the night before but I still woke up in the wee hours of the morning having to go to the washroom with a stuffy nose and this time a reallllly sore throat :( I was not a happy camper. So of course this whole day I have felt like crap. I feel like my head is full of wool as well. My throat as of now isn't hurting as much as it was this morning but I know in the wee hours of tonight it will be killing me again. It probably didn't help that the fact that I can't breathe out of my nose to well which meant I had to breathe out of my mouth so that made my throat dry and made me thirsty but no matter how much water I drank it didn't quench my thirst. Plus I didn't want to drink too much and I HATE drinking water with a sore throat. It feels to thin or something. So that is a challenge drinking water today :( I hope this goes away fairly quickly since I don't want to give birth to baby, have him/her in my arms and be giving baby my cold :(

ARGHHH!! I did just use the neti pot a moment ago. I hate the feeling of the water going in one nostral and out the other. I couldn't get it to work right this time either and my nose started hurting so I stopped trying. What little did go through did help my nose though. I might try it again later tonight or something. I just have to check how many times you can use it per day. Because of this cold I have added a box of klennex to my hospital bag. Any one want a bloody cold?

I have a feeling I will make it to my next doctor's appointment. Which is friday in the afternoon. Yep. Hopefully if I do he won't wait too long afterwards to bring me to the hospital to be induced. Fun stuff :( I really don't want to be induced. Aunt Jean says friday is when I will have the baby since that is when the new moon is. So we will see. I have had no signs really, the odd pain etc but nothing major. Baby hasn't been a wiggle worm as much today as yesterday, which always freaks me out but I guess really there isn't to much room in there anymore.

OMG I just want this head cold to go away! I was wide awake when Chris left for work this morning but stayed in bed and watched tv. Well I was actually watching tv before the alarm went off because around 6am I just couldn't sleep anymore. That sort of lulled me to semi sleep for awhile. When Chris left I turned it to TLC and didn't really see to much of it. I got up around 10 though. It really wasn't to restful at all :( Hopefully tonight's sleep will be better. ugh.

Monday, March 7, 2011


So over the weekend Chris put up the poles and curtains in the baby's room. It is so nice that they are finally up and nice that when we go in there after dark and have to turn on the light that anyone and their uncle can see us since the one wall is all window basically. The curtains look really nice so I am glad that we went with dark brown.

Other then that I am awaiting the first signs of labour! Baby is being stubborn. Tommarrow is my due date and I really hope baby comes then since me and Chris are both born on the 8th day of a month so be cool if baby was as well. But so far there is nothing to indicate that that will happen :(

Last night was the worst sleep ever!! We stayed up until 1 something before crawling into bed but because we were watching Dexter I sort of wanted to watch something else before falling asleep so I wouldn't be dreaming about blood. Chris was reading from the baby book and I was semi nodding off but still trying to stay away to listen to what he was saying. Well then when he turned off the light and tv I was wide awake and by this time it was 3am. So of course I have to get up and go to the washroom. I got back in bed and flipped myself so I was facing Chris. As usual though the next time I woke up, the side of my body was damp with sweat and so was my clothes, but I was freezing. This has been happening for awhile now. Also my throat was sore! I was like NOOOOOO I am about to give birth hopefully soon and I already have to deal with this stupid cyst on my wrist that KILLS most of the time when I am trying to do anything and now a sore throat and a stuffy nose. No matter how hard I blew it before I went to sleep it was stuffed up! Sucky.

So I crawled back in bed after going to the washroom around 6 thinking GREAT! just my luck. I woke up when Chris's alarm went off and my throat wasn't as bad as it was earlier. But the nose is still stuffy so now I have to deal with the whole trying not to gag because some of it is in my throat. UGH!! I could not fall asleep after Chris left either. I was hungery so I got up and ate something then sat down to watch some TLC but then decided I might as well get comfy in the bed and watch it and hopefully fall asleep. I might have nodded off for a few moments here or there but nothing really refreshing. I ended up staying in there until 11:30 then finally got up and made lunch.

Now I just feel completely shitty!! Watch though because I feel like this and won't get to much sleep tonight, I will wake up sometime today with labour pains and be so exhausted for the birth of our baby. lol that is just my luck.

Baby seemed to be really active this morning! Holy!  It's reassuring though. Since a few days ago I was freaking out that baby wasn't moving as much! I just want to get the labour over with but at the same time I'm scared since our lives will be so different after baby is here and thinking about the care I need to give baby once he/she is out is exhausting to think about!

When I was talking to mom yesterday on the phone she said Saturday night at 10pm the phone rang and she thought it was me with news but it was only a telemarketer. (Really a telemarketer calling at 10PM! geez) anyways she was like you better call me first before you post anything on facebook! lol. I was like even if its 3am in the morning? She was like I don't care. Mom is cute :) (I should mention that almost all of our family is an hour away from us).

I'm just nervous about the labour pains and how I will be able to handle all of that! YIKES I guess I will find out soon. I think Chris wants to walk to the mailbox tonight after he gets home. Sometimes walking brings on labour for some people, and also I plan on sitting on the bouncy ball for awhile tonight to see if that helps as well. I really don't want to go overdue and have to get induced or whatever. No fun. Mom said that I was right on time so maybe it will be the same with my kids. So that means baby will be here tommarrow! CRAZyness. I really can't wait to see what colour babies hair is, if she is a girl or if I am totally wrong and she is a boy! How big baby is etc! I just now baby is cute from what we saw when we had our last ultrasound!


omg this should be an experience! :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

More baby stuff..

Last night after Chris got home and we ate some food we went out looking for something so that we can hang curtains in the baby's room. We first went to what we thought was Home Sense but it turned out to be Home Outfitters lol. They had something that would have worked but the middle section was to short. It was made especially for bay windows. It was like $60 bucks though.

So then we walked next door to JYSK and found two long rods, two elbow connectors, two ends and two sets of brackets for the pole all for probably under ten bucks! Chris measured and marked the poles where he needs to get them cut and brought them to work today to do so! SOOO much cheaper then the other store! We also got a bath mat finally for our bathroom and the main bathroom for cheap as well. I think everything we bought was on sale!

After that we went over to the real Home Sense/Winners to look. I didn't really look around as much as I would like because by this time I was getting really tired and cranky and my back was hurting from standing.. So we walked around pretty quickly then left for home.

We definately need to get better brackets for the windows though. The ones we got are really shallow and don't even come out past the trim so we are going to go to wally world tonight to find some and some curtains for the room. Then we can get the curtains set up. I am happy about this because the house looks almost empty from outside except for maybe a few things that are near the window now and the green, at least to me it does. Since we park our car in the garage it sort of bugs me that it looks that way. It will be better to have curtains in there. I definately want to get that done before baby is here because those windows take up the whole one wall and I am not excited about going in there at night to change baby when anyone and there uncle can see in with the light on. So yep!

I am surprised that I am not as nervous about leaving the house so close to my due date as I thought I would be. I was worried about my water breaking while out mostly but whatever! I just wear my black pants and it it happens, it happens.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Week 39!

Baby belly at 39 weeks!It's so huge!!

I love this next shot :) haha except what is left of my belly button seems to not be in the center of my belly anymore!?! LOL

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Doc appointment...

The appointment today sort of sucked! We got there at about 10 to 4 and the office was busy! But then there was like four doctors in that day so it was a mixture of patients. Anyways we sat there for quite awhile, I think it was almost 5 when the receptionist told me that he had to go over to the hospital but he would be back shortly. She said she would have told me sooner but she didn't want to shout that out before since there were lots of people in the room. So that was alright.

About 20 mins later I think he arrived back and they call me and this other girl that was ahead of me and put us into two rooms. The nurse does the prestuff before the doctor comes in and says he will be with us shortly. We can hear him talking with the other patient and then we hear that the receptionist told him they needed him back at the hospital since someone was about to deliver a baby. He seemed to think it would be a fast one. So we were like oh crap :( The receptionist about 5-10 mins later came in to tell us what was going on and say that he hasn't forgotten about you. She said that earlier he was at the hospital then had about 45 mins to see patientes before he had to be back there to help the other doctor out. Then when had came back while we were there he thought he had about 30 mins to see people before he had to go back but that wasn't the case. So she asked us if we were okay to wait, she said he is coming back. I was like yeah we are here. So we waited. Good thing there wasn't a clock in there! lol or I would have gone crazy.

He came back and said sorry about the wait and thanked us for waiting. He said it's been a crazy day, probably the worst he has ever seen. But that's what happens when someone goes on holidays lol. Anyways so he asked all the normal questions, any concerns, any bleeding, unusual swelling etc. I mentioned my cyst and said I wasn't sure if it was prego related or came because my hands have been swollen and sore for the last little bit. (About four weeks ago I woke up with a bump on the side of my wrist that hurt like hell!! I used to get ganglion cyst on the back of my left hand wrist randomly and you can get them on the side of your wrist so that is what I am assuming it is. Seriously last thing I want to deal with while almost due!) He said that near the end and especially in delivery becuase they give you lots of fluids its not unnormal for people to get things like carpal tunnel etc and that usually goes away a few days or a week after birth. He said if it's still bothering me a few weeks after it's probably good to get it checked out. I really hope this is why I have it though due to prego. It was really sore today. He told me to try and take tylenol for the pain. Basically I think he said it's okay to take one a day if I need it.

After that he said he wanted to check my cervix to see if anything was going on. He said that he thinks the cervix is still closed but it seems to be shortened. So at least soemthing is still going on. He said that he would see me in a week and if I make it that far that we would talk about what to do next. He said he won't let me go past a week over due.

So I booked my next appointment for the next friday. I don't know if I do go over a week I could very well be giving birth on the 17th! (The full moon since that is basically a week over due!) The 17th is also St. Patty's Day and V's birthday. I have to say I am getting nervous about delivery. There are a few moments where I am terrified and then others when I am just ready to get it going. Just not knowing when it will start sort of sucks! I can't wait to see baby and see if she is a girl or a boy!! We didn't get out of there till 15 after 6! It was a long wait! Next week should be back to normal though.

Mom called to see how I made out. Unfortunately I really had nothing to report other then the fact that I wasn't dilated and my cervix had shortened. I think she is also getting anxious. lol. Don't blame here hehe I'm sure lots of people are waiting patiently:) including me and Chris. So basically less then two weeks!! Yikes!!
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