Friday, April 30, 2010

double :(

Ugh it's almost time to go to work :( I still don't know what to think about my psuedo period? I am still crampy but it's standable without having to take anything for it. Only a stupid test will tell me and since I work till midnight and I don't think wally world is open after hours anymore, I have to wait till Saturday to buy one then Sunday morning to take it. 8 hours, only 8 hours to go. I have to keep telling myself that. Hopefully I will have a late break which will make the last part of the shift go by fast. The first three hours are normally the worst.


So I just got up today and now feel like I am having slight period cramps!! I don't want to get my period I want to be prego! I am so confuzzled. I have never had my boobs be like they are now - sore and super swollen. Also being so freaking tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. I want to be pregoo :( We will see what happens I guess. I really don't see how I could not be pregnant?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

and again...

I am totally convinced now that I am pregnant. I won't be at 100% until I take a test on the weekend but my boobs are so sore and sooo swollen. I don't think I have ever felt them like that before. I don't know I just have that feeling that I am. I am sort of excited but scared at the same time. Life will definately be different once the little one comes! But I can't wait to tell people :) I have to say I think I am also less creeped out by the fact that I will have a baby growing in me. Before it weirded me out and I couldn't help thinking about aliens and space balls where the alien burst out of the stomach. But now it's different, maybe because it is actually happening and I can't do anything about it. Well really though I want kids, not sure if I am ready for it but turning almost 31 means it's now or never because I don't want to have a child at 40 and be like 60 when they are 20. Or at least be having my first baby at that age. I think we want at least 2-3 kids and hopefully have them all before I turn 34 -35. I guess it depends if we have a girl and a boy right away or if the first two are doubles (two girls or two boys). It would be nice to have one of each for sure to make both of us happy. Although in the long run as long as they are healthy that is all that matters to us. I really want to have a girl first though, but like I said as long as they are healthy it's all good. Before I had always imagined that I would wait until the birth to find out the sex of the baby, but at least for our first one I think we want to find out when we can.

I really can't wait to have a baby belly and be able to experience the baby kicking. Now with the baby issue it's a dilemma on which style/floorpan of house that we like the best. There is one that we both really like. But there is only a master bedroom and one other bedroom. There are a few rooms in the basement that we can convert to rooms since they do have windows but if we have two kids in three years where would be put the oldest? Wouldn't really be a big issue if the first two are girls or boys because they can just share a room. I have no idea what to do. The ones with more bedrooms I don't really like the layout as much. Plus some of them have the bedrooms right next to the front door. Also with the possible bedrooms in the basement I don't think I would want to put my 3 year old that far away from us. It would be different if they were 8-10 years old. If we build a house I would hope that we would be there for a while, at least 5-10 years. Ugh so many decisions!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

here we go again...

I think I am convinced that I am preggo, again lol. My last period, if it even was a "period", was only like two days long. I've had short ones but that short? Then I started feeling weird things in my bottom belly. Now just this last week my boobs have been aching. Not to unnormal for just before my period but man these are worse then worse. I've never had it where it bugs me all day long! Plus today is Wednesday and no sign of my period. So if by Friday I don't have it I will get a test and test either sat morning or sunday morning to see. ~Crosses fingers

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I'm just waiting to go to work. I am so tired of afternoons it's not even funny. I am usually always put on the same job which gets old really fast. Not that it's too bad but I have no energy lately (even though that has been true off and on for awhile now, maybe even back before Christmas) so I just don't want to be there. The sucky thing is I just want a few days to do NOTHING and not have to leave the apartment at all for anything. I probably would need an even longer time than a few days but a few days is mostly what I have. I feel like I have been running on empty for a long time.

I really wish that I was on days. It would be so much better for the both of us, especially Chris. I miss seeing him and it's starting to be a really big drag. I really don't see me getting on day shift anytime soon which sucks. Just thinking of working on the opposite shift for x many more months really exhausts me. Plus I get nothing done around the apartment. I wake up too late, but I need that sleep, and then have at the most three hours to do whatever. The last thing I want to do is clean for three hours before work. So yeah.

I am looking forward to the next long weekend. Three day weekend for the win. My birthday is coming up in two weeks also. I have no idea what to do for it. I'm sure we will go for supper and then do nothing. Really what else is there to do. Chris will leave it up to me which yeah like I can think of anything to do. Life sucks.

This whole prego thing sucks ass to. That's another thing how can we start a family when by the time we are both home we are both to tired to try? I am hoping I am now but not knowing is annoying. I won't know until I am late on my period. Then if I do get my period you know how disappointed I will be. It just makes everything seem so impossible. I feel so freaking hopeless it sucks....

3:13 pm

Chris just called and is on his way to get me. I feel so exhausted right now I just want to collapse. I have been trying to not drink caffeine either since I don't think that is a good thing to be consuming a lot of when prego. Not that I know that I am or not. Although I have stopped drinking diet pop which is something I wanted to do for a long while! I basically have stopped eating things with aspartame in them as well - go me. I just wish I had some freaking energy!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The waiting game again!

I am anxious for the end of the month so I can see if we have conceived or not. I really hope we have. I feel like time is running out. Every time I start thinking about it I get anxious and I don't even know what else. I will be disappointed if we aren't though. Unfortunately most nights we are too tired to even try. I am really beginning to hate afternoon shift even more. At least after I have the baby I will be home for awhile which really is where I want to be. There are so many things I want to be doing but I never seem to find the time to and when I have real motivation to I am at work and can't. Also I have no means to write at all while I am work. Well I can while I'm on break but seriously I get lots of ideas while I'm running the machine and really have no time to jot anything down.

I guess I'll just stick to journaling at work when I can. I have no idea where to start or how to start changing stuff so I would be more happier. I feel like something is wrong with me considering I should be happy? Chris is the awesomest. Things are starting to fall into place, like almost having enough saved to start looking for a house, starting to try  for a baby etc. We are better off then we ever were. Then why do I always feel like this then? Most of the time it's when I am at work or by myself at home. Even though I like being at home by myself sometimes, I prefer when Chris is home with me. I really wish we were on the same shift. Then we would see each other more. Who knows though it may eventually happen. At least in a years time hopefully I will be home on maternity leave.
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