(written April 26 2011)
Today Heather from Healthy Babies came over to see how I was doing. It was nice that she did so. She said that they normally don't come out right away but since I was so upset the day before she made the appointment with me to come out. She brought a whole crap load of information for me including some information on bottle feeding baby since I was still not sure what I wanted to do. Today I felt a lot better then I did the day before. I felt like I could actually do this as apposed to the emotional roller coaster I was the day before. Poor mom since she couldn't really help me with breastfeeding problems since she didn't breast feed us at all, but it was till nice to have here there to listen to me or to take the baby if I needed her to. She spent a lot of time tickling monkey and pulling on her feet to help me keep her awake while I was trying to feed her since she is a sleepy baby who falls asleep almost right away no matter how hungry she is. So frustrating.
Today though I felt a renewed sense of determination and felt that I can actually carrying on trying to breast feed. All my thoughts were conflicted though because at times I just wanted to give up and go with formula feeding her since in my view making bottles is so much easier emotionally and time wise then trying to feed her and getting really frustrated because she doesn't want to!
I was trying to pump after each feeding during the day to help build up my milk supply in case it lacked a bit since trying to feed her after leaving the hospital. Pumping is also time consuming even though I only really spend five mins on each side. But having to wash and clean all items after each use and setting them out to dry so they are ready in 2-3ish hours. Time consuming!
It was also awkward trying to feed her the expressed milk in a little cup thing since she likes to swing her head back and forth and a few times almost knocked the pill cup out of my hand. Also trying not to pour milk into her mouth to fast or tip it to far that it spilled down her face instead of landing on her tongue so she can swallow it, also was not a fun experience. Another reason I loathed breast feeding since I felt that this was not normal and I should not have to do this! But what can you do!