Wednesday, November 14, 2012

anxiety is starting to suck..

I'm starting to get really anxious about labour. It basically could happen anytime. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore but at the same time I am not ready to have to feed a baby a lot, deal with barely being able to move and deal with monkey all at the same time. The thought just exhausts me. I'm not sure how monkey is going to react to the new baby either. I am confident that nursing might be better this time around since I sort of know what I am doing and I have learned from my many mistakes. I am not looking forward to getting no sleep though. At least this time around right from the start we have the swing. I think that will help a lot. I still don't want to go through labour though lol.

Last night we talked about names again and I think we made good progress. Although spelling is something we have yet to completely decide on since the  names we picked can be spelt various ways. It's nice to have that sort of settled.
 There are still a few random things I need to pack for the hospital that I really should get my butt on that but at least most of it is done. I still need to boil the two small baby bottles as well in case I can't nurse for whatever reason. I just don't know how I am going to be able to spend that amount of time nursing when monkey will want me to pay attention to her or read to her or something. Hopefully the first few days I am home someone else will be with me (like Chris or my mom) so they can keep her occupied while I nurse the baby.

I have been having weird dreams but I can never really remember them lately since they were complicated it seemed. Last night I had one again but this time I knew it had to do with the baby. All I remember is that I was upset that Chris installed the baby seat in the car wrong since it was so easy to move around and it wasn't even hooked into the shell. There was more to it but I forget now. It was one of those back and forth dreams where you never make any progress. It sort of sucked. I was relieved to wake up. The funny thing is I know that that seat in the car doesn't move at all and it's pretty secure so I don't know where that worry came from.

I really hope labour doesn't start out really horrible but gradual. I have no idea what natural labour feels like since I was induced the last time. Oh geez just thinking about that makes me not want to go through it again lol. But in the end it will be worth it since we will have another little one running around  and being all cute.


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