Friday, March 18, 2011

(written on april 16th 2011)

When it was time for the staff to change shifts the nurse brought monkey back to me. I remember asking her if she cried at all and she was like yep we passed her around and she was on everyone's lap. I bet all the nurses just love being able to hold and cuddle newborns all the time :) Anyways after that I tried my best to keep her quiet since it was really hard for me to even get out of bed or move around. So I was hoping she wouldn't get to cranky before Chris got there or I would have a real hard time getting out of bed to pick her up. I can't remember exactly but I think Chris got there before I had to get her out to feed her. He came as early as he could. It was a relief to have him there. Nursing was semi a pain in the butt since trying to get it right was a challenge. I think in the morning Heidi the lactation consultant came by to talk about breast feeding with me. I really don't remember to much about what she was saying and since I had just fed monkey, it was pointless (or so I thought at the time) to get her to show me how to do it and I thought I was doing it okay anyways. She went through a booklet of breastfeeding info they give us at the hospital and said she might be back later if I wanted her to come by and if she had time to do so. I think I said yes here but she never did actually show up. Now of course I wish I would have been more coherent and awake to listen to what she was saying and ask more questions and get her to show me how to breast feed properly. The things we wished we knew before hand.

This whole day consisted of people coming, pushing on my uterus, checking my healing process, taken my blood pressure, checking my temperature and giving me pain meds. Most of that was so embarrassing but it's what they are supposed to do I guess. Today I had a student nurse working with a full time nurse, she was really nice. They had to keep the drip on me for most of the day today because I was still gushing blood so I was still hooked up to tons of tubes it was not fun. Another reason why moving around was a pain in the ass. To make matters worse in the wee hours of the morning I got a roommate. I didn't want to be there any longer, it was horrible! I had my curtains closed around me but still. I hated being in there with someone else! Plus we had to share the bathroom as well. I so wished we had a private room :(

It seemed like a long day. I believe that Mom, Tam, Steve and Steph came to visit us near the end of the day. By then I was feeling much better although it was still hard to move around and get up. Sitting up was just impossible and lying in one spot for so long was killing my back but it was to hard to shift around to much. By the time they came to visit they had taken all the tubes out thankfully. I hated that the person that had been wheeled in there in the wee hours of the morning had company with little kids and some of them sat in the chairs that were like right beside my curtain so if the curtain wasn't shut all the way they could see in if they did. The person across from me seemed to just have her curtains open completely at this point. UGH! All I wanted to do was go home!! It was a nice visit when they came though. Mom said she felt better seeing me today since I looked a lot better then I did the day before.

Work sent us flowers because Chris had called work earlier when he got there to tell them he wouldn't be in since I had given birth. Also mom brought me flowers that were in a small glass pink baby train. Tam told me it was the same one that Dad brought Mom in the hospital when she had me so that is pretty cool. Mom hinted that she had three more baby flower holders from when I was a baby. LOL so I guess she wants us to have three more kids or have some more kids. hehe . They stayed for awhile and then left to go home. It was nice to have some company and some people to talk to. Although they had to step out when I needed to try and breastfeed her. I think probably by this time my nipples were starting to really hurt.

Chris stayed until around 11 or 12 again until they kicked him out. I realllly didn't want him to leave. I was so emotional and exhausted and I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope when he left since if monkey started crying I would have to get up and get her out and that was no easy feat since I had a hard time getting out of bed to begin with. I as so swollen and sore. The fact that if I wanted to call the nurses for anything the person across from me would hear me and it was just so not comfortable. I hated being there that night which didn't help me emotionally. I would have been okay if Chris was there to support me but unfortunately I had like 8 hours before he would be back. Also when I had to go to the washroom I had to leave monkey and go and get back quickly. I didn't like leaving her but I really had no choice. Walking was hard, I like waddled and I hated it.

Nursing was a pain and my boobs hurt so much that every time she latched on it killed. I probably had problems feeding her as well since I was so upset that I don't see how she was getting anything. I did the best I could though. The nurse at one point said that I could put clothes on her that I didn't have to leave her naked and at one point said that I could use a pacifier if I had one that maybe she just wanted to suck because she could see that I was upset about feeding her and that she was always crying. I did dress her and that might have helped a little bit. I also was so worn down at one point in the night that I did give her a pacifier. I didn't want to do that right then on the second night of her life since I read about nipple confusion and I still wasn't to confident in breast feeding. This whole night was just a really bad night. I was to afraid to sleep because I didn't want to not hear her or I was afraid she would stop breathing or choke. Plus she was really cranky and wouldn't stop crying anyways.

At one point I did call the nurse because she was breathing weird. The nurse came and put some saline drops in her nose and said to just pat her back because it was probably mucus that was in her system from when she was born and that she probably would sneeze soon to clear it and that it was nothing to worry about. I had to call them a second time because she was still doing it but the nurse that came reassured me. I hated calling them because there is like an intercom on the bed and they talk to you from it and like I said the person across from me could hear what I was saying. I never felt so stupid in my life and never wanted more then anything to be in my own private room with Chris. The expense to me now seemed well worth it. :(

All in all this was one of the worst nights of my life! I was never more relieved to see Chris walk around the curtain the next day!


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