Thursday, March 17, 2011

(written on april 4th 2011)

So once again we got up and went to the hospital to start the process again. Again I was put on the monitor. This time we brought up all our stuff we had packed for the hospital with us, just in case we were going to be admitted that day. The doc eventually came in, after what seemed like forever, and checked me. I might have been slightly more dilated I can't remember at this point. Around this time, Mom and Tammy and everyone arrived. I'm not really sure who else was with them although I think that Marilyn had already been waiting at the hospital for awhile before mom and co arrived. The nurse came in and said there was a whole whack of people here to see me but they were only going to let one person in. They didn't really encourage visitors in this ward and usually ask everyone to wait in the waiting room area. Makes sense to me there is only so much room there, but I knew everyone just wanted me to know that they were there :).

So Mom came in to see me. It was at this point that my doctor came in to tell me what they were going to do (break my water and admit me). Mom gave me a hug and wished me luck and said they would be waiting in the waiting room. After mom left he checked me and then broke my water which sucked, not a fun experience. My contractions before that were still consistent and getting worse but I could still stand them. After he broke my water they got sooo bad. The jump in the intensity of my contractions really sucked! I had a hard time breathing through them they were so bad!

I definitely bumped a girl that was in to be induced that day. She had to come back the next day. I was happy that we weren't being sent home again though. Might have been frustrating for her since she was I think in the day before as well but I was more over due then she was so I am glad they induced me. The nurse that we had was really nice. She said that they would get a room ready for me soon. I was happy about that because I really didn't want to be in the monitoring room anymore. There are 6 beds in there, sure they have curtains but it's not the same as being in your own room. We were soon after sent to birthing room #1.

The pain at this point was getting unbearable. It probably was around 10am at this point. It was nice to be in our own private room. The pain was so bad and I remember commenting to one of the nurses that I don't know how anyone can do this. She was like that is why when I got married I told my husband that we weren't going to have kids, he was like no problem. lol. I don't really blame her since she sees what people go through on a daily basis. All the nurses were really nice, including the one that was basically my nurse through the whole thing. It made the process much better.

She gave me some medicine, not sure what it was now, into my IV to help with the pain because my contractions where really bad and really hard to get through and breath through. Chris was trying to help me get through them but it was so hard knowing that another one was going to start to build in three minutes. After the medicine I felt really sluggish and loopy but the contractions were standable. I don't even know if I noticed them or not at this point. The nurse asked me if I wanted to go get into the tub which I said yes I would try that. Why not, I figured I would give it a shot since I will be in the hospital in labour for a freaking long time possibly.

So she went and got that ready and then came back and told me I could go down anytime. So I pulled my IV pole thing along with me and we went down to the birthing room that had the water jet tub in it (All the birthing rooms have tubs in them but unfortunately when they build that wing they put the wrong tubs in them except one so they are off limits. They are like a hazard to prego women since they are so high and deep and have no jets in them plus no step to get into them easily.) So that sort of sucked, it  would have been much better if I was in the same room as the birthing tub. Anyways she told me that I could adjust the water temp but not any higher then what she had it set at. I had to turn the temp down a bunch since it was really hot. The jets were really nice though! I probably was in there for an hour or 1.5 hours. I thought I would have to get out at some point but one time when she came in she asked if I was ready to go back or if I wanted to stay in there longer. I guess I could have stayed in there as long as I wanted. At this time though it was really hot, I was just dripping sweat. The water might have been nice and the jets relaxing me but I felt like I was over heating and having sweat drip off my face just wasn't the nicest thing in the world at that moment. It was sort of getting uncomfortable so I told her it would be nice to get out and go back to my room. So Chris helped me out. That was a BIG mistake. BIG BIG BIG mistake. I was feeling the contractions in the tub but they weren't to bad. I was still sort of loopy, but the meds had started to wear off I think. Anyways as soon as I got out and was starting to dry off holy CRAP were the contractions really bad. It was all I could do to get dressed and get back to my room. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it back there since we were at the opposite end of the hall!

It was such a relief to get back and lie down on the bed! The nurse asked me how I was doing and what I wanted to do for pain. I think she might have given me the option of some more of whatever she gave me before or a epidural. Now I didn't want to get an epidural unless I needed to. I basically was open to anything since I didn't know how I was going to be. Well at this time I didn't want to go through anymore of those contractions, it was the worst pain ever in my life. I didn't see how I could handle however many more hours of that! So I said epidural please. Anything to take away the pain. She was like okay I will go see if the doctor is still here. He was in the wing giving someone else one and was about to leave. So it was a good thing I asked for it then or I would have been waiting for like two plus hours for him to come back!

He thankfully came in and started the process. I was scared to death of this since they put that tube right in your spine! I thought it was going to hurt! The nurse assured me that if I got through the IV being inserted, then this was nothing because the IV was worse. Another nurse had come in and gave me a hug while I was sitting on the bed waiting for the doc to be ready. She was like I am so glad to hear you are getting the epidural. The worst part of this was when he put the needle in to freeze my back. The tube and needle going into my spine I didn't feel at all! This experience was nothing like I expected it to be or how it was made to seem like on shows like 'baby story' etc. A lot of things about the whole labour and delivery were like that. Doesn't matter how prepared you are, how much you read or watch things it is not the same at all! Surprising but true.

Once he got me all hooked up, there was like this big tape thing on my back etc I finally got to lay down. I don't think I was noticing the contractions during this either since I was so worried about the epidural. Wish I could have distracted myself from that pain without having to have it done or any pain meds for that matter. The doc told me not to drag my back on the bed when I shift position so that it won't tear the tube out. They asked me if I felt anything. The nurse was like you are having a contraction right now. I was like really? I felt nothing! It was like any normal day. The relief was immense!! The epidural was nothing like I expected. I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anything or move but I could do both. My legs did feel slightly numb but it was nothing that was to noticeable. After a few minutes I felt like I was cheating since I was fine just sitting in the bed waiting for the baby to be ready to come out. I even told that to one of the nurses and she just sort of laughed.

Chris had got a tv/internet/phone card so we were watching something on tv. I don't even remember what it was or if I could hear the sound. I decided to try and sleep because I'm sure labour would be exhausting. It probably was around 1-2pm by this time. The nurse checked me at around 2 or 3ish and I was about 4 cm. About an half hour later (I'm not sure about the exact times I'm just guessing) my doctor came over from the office to check me and he was talking about how the doctor that was on that night was a good one  because I don't think he thought I would be ready to give birth until later that night. But when he checked me he was like oh well you might go before I leave for the day. I was at 7 cm! In a half hour I went from 4 to 7. I think that they put oxytocin (however that is spelled) in my IV after the epidural to help induce me further and help labour along. I vaguely remember something about that.

Soon after that, I felt lots of pressure and commented to the nurse about it. She said to let her know when it felt like I should start pushing. It wasn't long after that that I told Chris that I think I should start pushing. I can't remember if the nurse was in the room at that time or if Chris went to tell someone but she came and checked me and I was fully dilated. She either went to call the doctor or got someone else to tell him that I was ready and that he probably should come over. So she started the labour process and got me to start pushing, she helped me by telling me were to focus my pushs. This was around 4pm. I was pushing for 10secs three times in each contraction. Sometimes I was able to push for a fourth time. I pushed as freaking hard as I could because I wanted this baby out. That hour was so exhausting. The contractions were so close together and it was tiring trying to lift my legs up every time to push. Not to mention that I didn't have to much control of my right leg. It felt really weak. I think I said a million times that I couldn't do this anymore but every time a contraction came I was pushing as hard as I could, because really I had to push no matter what.

The doctor came in at some point and got all ready in his scrubs. I remember him asking me if I was against using a suction and I was like do whatever you have to do to get baby out! I remember asking if Chris could see the baby's head since I felt sure that he must be able to see the baby by then but he was like nope only when you push. This sort of depressed me since at this time I was so exhausted and I had hoped that it would be over soon, but with his reply I knew it was going to be awhile longer and I didn't know how I was going to have enough strength to continue!

So not to be so graphic in my blog basically the doctor had to use the suction cup thing because baby was having a hard time getting past the pubic bone. He assured me that it would be mostly me and that he would just be helping baby along. I'm sort of glad that it wasn't the other way around or baby would have a really bad cone head! He also unfortunately had to cut me as well because it looked like I might tear. I'd rather have a clean cut then a bad tear. Shudder. This was also was something I hoped to avoid but at this point I don't think I cared what they did as long as the baby came out soon.

I remember the instant that he pulled monkey out. I randomly glanced down but for the most part I was in a haze and concentrating on pushing as hard as I could. It was such a huge relief. I literally remember letting out a big breath and collapsing back onto the bed. I looked at the clock and it was 5:15. So I had been pushing for only an hour and 15 mins. Not to bad. I expected it to be longer. I remember him asking if 'dad wanted to cut the cord' which of course Chris did.

After that everything is sort of a haze and like a dream. Well really the whole thing was. They said it was a girl and they went and measured her. I was looking in her direction trying not to cry and not really noticing what doc was doing. I know the placenta needed to come out. The only thing I felt really was when he was pushing on my stomach really hard probably to get my uterus to contract.

The nurse brought monkey back to me and she was all wrapped up in her blanket swaddled and laying on my chest. I just kept holding onto her staring at her. I couldn't believe that it was finally over - well except for being stitched up. I had to have a lot of stitches and I swear it seemed to take him a lot longer to stitch me back together then it did to give birth to monkey! Lucky for Chris because I had monkey in my arms I couldn't do any death grip onto his hands or arm or anything. It was so hard to get through that. I remember the nurse asking me if they could take her to weigh her or if I wanted to keep holding onto her because she was distracting me. I said she was definitely distracting me. So she left that part until doc was done.

Typing this now I can say that I remember that I never expected the birth and the after stuff to be as bad as it was and I was convinced that I would never have another baby again because I didn't want to go through that again. I couldn't understand how anyone could do this more then once, especially after knowing what the first time was like. But now as I type it I totally would consider having another baby and I don't remember just how bad it really was, even though I remember that I knew it was really bad. If that makes any sense. I lost track of time at this point.

The stitching must have taken an hour or so to complete. We didn't even call or go out and tell mom and them that she was born because it was taking a long time to repair me and I also wanted to breast feed before seeing them. Chris did finally call after the doctor was finally done with me but told them that I wanted to try and breast feed before they came in. He told them it was a girl her weight etc. I guess they all like cheered really loudly when he had called. Chris had tried to put the phone to my ear really fast because I guess Steve had passed the phone to mom really quickly and because they were screaming but by the time I got it and said hi Steve's phone either died or the ran out of time on it. So either Chris phone Tam's phone or someone called ours. That was when he said he would come get them when we were done trying to breast feed.

I barely remember the nurse showing me the football hold and trying to feed her. After that I think it was around 7:30 pm when the family started coming in to see us. I felt like royal shit. My hair was like all over the place. I really wanted nothing more then a shower and to get out of the hospital clothes but I was to exhausted and tired to do any of those things, not to mention sore. They came in to see us in three's I think or maybe fours. I know Mom and Marilyn came in first with Tammy (Chris's sister). I think Tam,Steve and Steph came in in the second wave? I know at the end I remember seeing Tammy and Kaitlin and someone else with them to say bye to us. Well I guess they all cycled through again to say by to us and to congratulate us. My memory is so hazy because I was so exhausted but it was nice that they all were there for us even though they all must have been bored as hell waiting in the waiting room all that time. I'm thankfully that they did that though considering I didn't think we would have anyone or at least not to many people in the waiting room waiting for us since everyone except Steph lives 1-1.5 hours away! So thank you Mom, Marilyn, Tam and Steve, Tammy, Kaitlin and Steph for being there for us. :) (I also hope I didn't miss anyone!)

I think mom said she felt better after seeing me, although she might have said that the second day because I must have looked like I went through the ringer when she came into the birthing room. I really wished that we could have stayed in that room. It was nice and private and calm in there. Chris also was with me. A nurse came in at some point to say they were getting a bed ready for me and that it might be an hour or so. She did mention to Chris that because it was a ward room he couldn't stay overnight because there just wasn't room. She asked him that in a question. I was hoping they would let him stay with me the first night at least. I really didn't want him to leave!! But no such luck.

They eventually had the room ready and both the nurse and Chris helped me get into a wheelchair. Holy crap I am glad for that since I was so freaking weak! It was hard to move. They handed me the baby and Chris grabbed our stuff and off we went down to the other ward and into the room where I was going to stay. I have to say again I wish we had a private room. Although the good thing is that the first night I was in there by myself. They kicked Chris out around 11 or 12. It was hard to see him go.

They did have the baby in the room with me which was nice. The nurse that was looking after me was really nice. I liked her. She came by a lot to check on me and to give me pain meds etc. After a bit she asked me if it was okay for her to take monkey out to the nurses station so I could get some sleep. She said she would bring her back in to nurse but she really didn't need to nurse to often the first 24 hours. So I got a good amount of sleep that night. I think about 3-4 hours until sometime in the wee hours of the morning she came to get me up and moving so she could check that everything was normal. Walking was NOT FUN! and I was fairly close to the washroom. That was the hardest part not being able to move to well and knowing that when monkey was with me and started crying I had to get her and that took like a year each time. That was why I really wish that Chris was still with me! Stupid private/semi private room costing so much. The other downfall of being in the ward room is that no visitors except for visiting hours. If I was in a private room everyone could have potentially stayed longer to see the baby and all be in there at the same time instead of 2s or 3s I believe.

It was definitely a long ass day and it sucked that I was by myself without Chris the first night but it was nice that my nurse was super nice and that I got much needed sleep.


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