Sunday, March 20, 2011

the worst night...

(written on april 17th 2011)

Today around supper time Chris parents, his two brothers, and his sister Lindsay came up to see the baby. Chris's mom had brought some lazagna up that she had made the day before for supper. I don't really remember to much about the visit. They had given us some more things that they had bought for the baby. Like clothes and some toys. :) Lots of cute things. Lindsay had gotten us some things to match with pooh bear crib set including a poo bear light!

I had to go into the bedroom to feed her at one point and then eventually I had to go into the bedroom to take a nap. It was good that they didn't mind because I was super exhausted and I think company was just to much for me right then. It was nice that Chris and the baby got to visit with them though :) They were gone when I woke up around 11:30 or so.

This night was the night from hell. All night long she wouldn't latch onto my breast and she wasn't eating to well. I was getting stressed out mega and I knew that wasn't helping. I tried calling the numbers in the booklet they gave us for help but of course telehealth is like the hospital waiting room. It takes forever to get a reply. Basically they would call me back when a nurse was available to talk to me. I got like no sleep that night because I was worried the whole time. I finally called the A6 ward at the hospital and talked to a nurse there who said at this point I needed to get something into her and that I should go find a place to get some formula and feed her that. This whole conversation really upset me since she made me feel like the worst person in the world. I really don't think that was her intention but since the baby blues were going on strong and having a whole 7 hours of baby hardly getting anything to eat I was beyond reason. We had tricked her most of the night with the soother and it worked like way to well since between trying to feed her she was sleeping sucking away on the soother.

I felt like a horrible mother at this time. But my nipples were hurting soo bad every time she went to latch on. The nurse had told me that I would have to call back at 9 to see if Heidi the lactation consultant would be able to fit me in for help. She said you might have to express that you are in great need and see if she would see me since she already has appointments that day or something. I didn't know you had to make appointments in advance which of course upset me even more.

Finally around 7am she finally latched onto one side and ate a bit, while Chris got ready and went to Sobeys to get some formula. I knew she needed something in her since she hardly ate the whole night, if she got anything at all. This was an emotional time seriously since I didn't want to give up breast feeding because of all the good benefits, the not so poopy diapers and the goodness for babys health but at the same time I could not see myself being able to continue since it had been such a horrible three days. To make matters worse the weather out this morning was horrible and snowy and shit. So not only did I worry about Chris going out in it to the store (thank god for Sobeys being 24/7!! it's the only store I think here that is like that), I also had to worry that Mom was somewhere on her way here already!


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