So exhausted...

Omg I am so freaking exhausted today. I had a feeling that by the end of the week I would be like this. I really wish I didn't have to work so I could take a long nap when Chris gets home from work. I have a headache and that will only get worse when I get to work and have to wear my safety glasses and being under the flourescent lights. Ugh 8 more hours till the weekend. :( At least tommarrow I can sleep in a bit!

I am also still freaking out about weight gain. I want to keep it to a min since I dont want to go over what I was at the worst at the end of the last pregnancy but I am like famished all the time!! This weekend we need to get a lot of good stuff, fruits etc. and salad stuff so I can make huge salads for either lunch or supper. It's so crappy, I hate it! I don't want to feel like a whale and I am pretty close to feeling that way already. My stomach is still big from monkey and I'm only 9 weeks. I shouldn't be showing yet should I? I am so embarrassed to leave the house let along have to go to work. This time around work has been super exhausting since I can't sleep in till whenever like I was able to with Monkey. Being prego with a little one and working afternoons really sucks!! 6 months plus a week to go :(

Some more Monkeyness..

Monkey started to stand with her head on the ground and her bum up in the air. Almost like she is going to do a somersault but thankfully actually doesn't try yet. She's been doing this off and on for the last two days the silly kid. (It's like the downward dog yoga pose just with her head on the ground). She usually then just rolls to her side so she is on the ground or like buckles her legs and lays on the ground. She never stops making me laugh :)

I hate days like this!

I feel like I am going to have a break down today. I was unhappy with my weight to begin with and really it wouldn't be so horrible if my belly was flatter but I still looked prego to myself before I got pregnant again. I still had the stupid tummy. It still sticks out sooo much and I hate how I look in profile view because of it. I am only 8 weeks I definitely should not be showing yet! On top of that I have gained weight (I know I'm going to gain but being at the weight I am now is depressing). I still had about 25-30 pounds to lose from Monkey! I want to try and minimize how much I gain but I still have a lot of months to get through before I reach that highest number. I don't want to be there already in 2 more months. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to workout, clean house, watch monkey and have some me time as well. I am going to lose it soon. I just want to cry. I can't stop eating either. It was the same before when I was trying to lose weight and working afternoons. I eat a bunch during the day because I don't want to be starving by my first break and then I eat more because I am starving anyways and I am famished by the time I get home afterwards. I don't think eating before bed is a good idea. I have no idea what to do! I know I can't lose weight now but I need to try and stop gaining so quickly. I can't wait till this baby is born and I can go to weight watchers to lose the weight! I should have done that after Monkey and then I wouldn't be in this depressive state right now. I feel like a fatass and I hate it. The sweater I wear to work doesn't make my belly look any better either.  I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. I think I ate to much today as well :( this is so depressing!! I'm sure this is normal with expecting mothers but I wasn't like this before monkey but probably because I was at a healthy weight range for my height. blah :(

Cute things Monkey did :)

A short entry but monkey did a couple cute things today. First she started crawling around with her sock monkey in her mouth hanging by his tail. That made me laugh. She did it for awhile to! I wish I got a picture of it but by the time I got the camera she had already dropped him. She is the cutest.

She is also able to now turn her toy walking stroller in another direction when she gets as far as she can one way. She is one smart cookie!

Surprise!!!

So last night on my first break at work I was thinking about I should be getting my period soon. According to the app on my iPod my last few cycles were around 28-29 days long. It suggested that I should of had started on Monday but when I looked at the numbers previously I thought it was wrong and that I would have started today since it is the 29th. Anyways, last night I got looking at the calendar in the app again and realized that actually my period started four days before the start of March and that yesterday was like the 33 day or something. I was sitting there like OMG!!! trying to not get my hopes up! I had my hopes up the last few months only to find out I wasn't pregnant. I know on Monday I felt like my period would start but never did. I tried emailing Chris on my ipod but of course the app that I use wouldn't send and I ran out of time to go into actual Hotmail to send it. So I mentioned to him on the phone at lunch time that I should test this morning. He was like really!? lol  I knew I couldn't wait until Saturday morning to test.

So that is what I did this morning. The test came out pretty much with two lines a few seconds after I set it down. So there we go I am prego again! It's sort of surreal!! I'm not sure want to go through the whole process again but I know that the rewards will be worth it just look at Monkey! I am hoping for a boy this time though but like last time it really doesn't matter as long as he/she is healthy!

Happy 1st Birthday Monkey!!

I can't believe her first birthday was here and gone! Where did the time go? There were SO many people in the house it was crazy and that wasn't even everyone that was supposed to come! We had a ton of food left over but I guess it's better to have too much then not enough. I had booked Friday off from work so I could prepare for the party the next day and it was hectic. I spent the day finishing the rainbow cupcakes (which turned out amazing!) and made rainbow jello shots (no alcohol of course) and Chris spent most of his night preparing everything for the baked beans he wanted to make. Our fridge was packed! My mom and sister brought some salads, Chris mom brought some sandwiches and we had some BBQ meatballs in the crock pot. Lots of good food!

Monkey got a lot of clothes for summer and a few toys which is good. She was super tired though. She normally takes a nap between 12:30 and 1. We tried to get her to sleep before that at around 11. I didn't think she was going to go to sleep sadly, and soon after Chris's parents arrived. We gave her a bit more time and finally I said that I doubted she was going to sleep because it was to early. So Steve, Chris's dad, went to get her. He said that when he went in she was standing in her crib happy as can be and had this huge smile on her face, but when she realized that he wasn't me or Chris it slowly disappeared and then she started screaming. She cried for a bit but then got used to them again and was content playing on the floor with Grandpa. 

She had her moments throughout the day where she just cried and generally was cranky but most of the time she was all cute and smiling. I don't really blame her though since it was a really busy day without a nap.






Mackenzie freaked out when we put her in her highchair when it was cake time. Since it was her first birthday I had just made the cupcakes instead of getting a cake. We were singing Happy Birthday to her with one candle on it but as soon as I got close she freaked out and lunged for it. I had to quickly pull it back and blow the candle out so she wouldn't burn herself. She did not like that and started crying! I quickly unwrapped it and plunked it down in front of her and she had a ball destroying it.  I fed her a few bites but she wasn't really interested in eating it and never tried to put any in her mouth herself. Weird kid! lol.

It was good to see everyone though. It was a good day. Long for her but I think she had fun. She looked super cute in her green Hello Kitty St Patty's day shirt and World's cutest Leprechaun pin!

Still can't believe my little girl is already a year old!

She STANDS!!

This is what I noticed yesterday after putting monkey in her playpen for a minute or to.

She STANDS!!  I was shocked when I noticed. I don't think she was able to sit back down to easily since she was standing ackwardly and almost doing the splits! She has been doing it none stop now. Pulling up on the coffee and end tables and anywhere else she thinks she can.

Today while she was at the coffee table standing and I asked her if she could sit down herself and she did! It was sort of ackward but at least I know now that she can do it. I will still be hovering behind her though anytime she does pull up onto her feet at least until she gets the hang of sitting down. I really don't want her to fall and whack her head! She is growing up way too fast! LOL

In other news I have now been back at work for almost two weeks. The first day back I fought panic/anxiety attacks the whole night because I did not want to be there. My job is repetitive and boring and I knew how long the nights can drag on and on. The only thing that I think that saved me was that since my watch band broke a long time ago I didn't have that to look at every two seconds and I came armed with some podcasts and music to listen to. I still didn't want to be there though. The second night I think I was just resigned to my fate at being a working mom. It hasn't been to bad so far except that I don't know anyone on my shitft anymore. I am however, really looking forward to family day which means a three day weekend! WOOT! It's nice to be getting my full wage again instead of just the little bit I was getting from maternity leave. Still though I miss being at home and having that free time when monkey goes to bed for the night. 

Right now the only free time I have is if I can get her to nap during the day or on the weekends when Chris can watch her for a bit. I also am getting no sleep (maybe 5 hours a night) and it sure catches up to me by the end of the week (ie tonight and tomorrow) Chris has been awesome in getting up with her on the weekends though so I can sleep in a little. I guess I have to do what I have to do and I am thankful to at least have a job.  Days go by to fast and nights go by to slow :) Monkey's first birthday is quickly approaching though! I can't believe she is going to be one soon! I really need to start planning that. I do have some ideas on the back burner but I haven't actually sat down yet to flush it out. All I know is it's going to be very St. Patrick's day like with lots of green and chocolate gold coins.  

I also should mention that we have seen the white of her two top teeth. It's really hard to get a good look at them though since she won't sit still for us to look to closely. I can't look long enough to see if it is just the top to or if the ones on the side are coming in as well. She has been munching on her fingers a lot more lately, so who knows. Its about time she got some more teeth!