Wednesday, January 23, 2013

no time to write anymore it seems...

I never seem to feel like or have time to sit down and journal anymore and it sucks. Things have been going okay I guess. It still is an adjustment with trying to juggle two kids especially when Chlobug wants to nurse or be held all the time. Mornings can be the worst since if Chlobug wants to eat and then monkey wakes at the same time I either have to listen to the baby scream while I hurry and get monkey dressed and fed or make monkey wait in the crib ( or out in the front room) until I feed Chlobug. I feel bad about making her wait but most times she really doesn't seem to mind hanging out in her crib. She usually has a few toys in there with her anyways. I don't know what will happen when she is out of the crib. I'm not sure when that will happen but probably soon except now I think we might get her a twin mattress since the mattress in the basement is to big to have in there with the crib. I think we should just get her a toddler bed but I'm not sure how Chris feels about that? We had talked about it before but who knows,  I have no idea what we are going to do. It's really hard right now to go out and look at anything together since it's cold out and I'm nursing plus it's more of a pain to try and juggle the two of them. I guess we could always just get someone to watch them but still. Bah we just have to sit down and figure it out.

I joined Weight Watchers online a few weeks ago.  I seem to have a lot of points but then I get extra because I am full time nursing. I have so far lost 2 pounds and I am on track to have lost at least another pound on my Friday weight in. I'm glad that I joined when I did because when I was trying to lose a week or so prior to that I kept screwing up. There are a lot of resources online that I like and I like it better then going into the stupid meetings which I found to be boring for the most part. Online is also cheaper then going to weekly meetings. They had a deal where you could join for free so that was even better. I would like to lose more then a pound a week but right now I am happy to have at least be losing!

I'm not sure how long I am going to continue to nurse. It's driving me insane. I finally stopped recording every time I nursed her and all her diapers and that has seemed to help a bit. Right now my one nipple is hurting and she struggles to latch right away sometimes. She twists her head down a lot after latching as well. I find it nice at night though since I try and feed her or dream feed her around 11 before we go to bed. Lately she has been sleeping to at least 4am then I just bring her into our bed and nurse her on one side until I wake up and then we switch sides. I was getting up and trying to nurse her and then putting her back in the cradle but it was sucking. I need my sleep and I get really angry in the middle of the night if I can't. I hate that I am that way and I know that is what babies do (eat constantly) but it really is hard to keep calm when I am so tired all the time. Our bed is sort of small to so even nursing in bed is not fun either. I am always sandwiched between her and Chris basically has to hold onto me so he doesn't fall off his side of the bed lol.  It kills my back and my legs are always aching when I wake up. I'm afraid to switch to bottle feeding though since I really don't know two things about it (ie how much to give her and how often). Nursing her to sleep is my fail safe and basically is how I get her to sleep so if she doesn't go to sleep when being bottle fed then what will I do? I have no idea what to do anymore.


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