ugh...

Last night I had a friggen blocked duct again. This time in the right side. I noticed it early in the day but it wasn't that big nor did it hurt. Well at night it got bigger and it was so friggen sore! Seriously that was the last thing I wanted to deal with after having frustrating feeding sessions the last day or so. By this time I was so fed up with breast feeding AGAIN. Seems like a freaking trend to me. I was so miserable yesterday and pretty darn depressed about it. I seriously did not know what to do. I just wanted to be bottle feeding so bad but at the same time I did not want to give up on breast feeding. I just knew that I was getting to a point where it might be best for me to switch. Although at the same time I know nothing about bottle feeding, what type of formula to get, how much to give her and how often. Also all the breastfeeding crap that we bought would be a total waste of money if I didn't continue. I just felt so helpless and depressed. I didn't want to be any where near monkey, as horrible as that sounds because it just depressed me even more. Then to have to deal with this plugged duct and being afraid to put her on that side because of all the pulling off she has been doing. My breast was already sore and then this happens.

I did do a lot of the hot compresses with a wash cloth and massaging the area and getting her to feed off of that side first each time, to try and help it unplug itself. I even pumped on that side after a feeding as well. I noticed after a bit that it seemed to have decreased in size and as weird as it sounds it felt more lumpy. I took that as a good sign.

Thankfully the duct was feeling loads better during the last feeding of the night and by the middle of the night it was completely gone. A HUGE sigh of relief for me. If it doesn't go away you have to potential to get a breast infection. That wouldn't be fun nor would it be fun to figure out where to get it checked out. I would probably have to go all the way home to my doctor there and thinking about driving with monkey in the car seat in the back, well I just don't know how that would work. What happens if the sun is in her eyes, what do I do if she starts to cry? Kind of hard to do anything if I am driving! UGH!

So the last few feedings of the day yesterday started to get better even though they were still stressful and frustrating. She was no longer like whacking me with her little paws or trying to push away but eat at the same time. I was still pretty frustrated though since it was better but not the best. I swear I was completely ready to give up again thinking all this stress, frustration and worry was just not worth it. I think if it wasn't for our pump that we bought (it was about $200) I probably would have stopped a long time ago. I really don't want that to be a waste of money and all the other breast feeding stuff we had purchased, bra's, reusable breast pads, pillow etc. It adds up after awhile. I was thinking in my head that I would give it a few more days or at least until after my next appointment with Heidi, which I have to make for sometime this week.

Thankfully though the feeding before we went to bed, the one in the middle of the night and all of the ones from this morning till now have been better. She still falls asleep and most of the time I can't wake her up to eat more but it's way better then what was going on yesterday. She still gets 2-4 let downs so she is getting something. Her diapers haven't changed at all, she is still peeing a lot. So all good signs. Her poop though has changed again, it's still green and still slimy/stringy but seemed a bit more watery today. Chris also thinks it's more seedy as well although I don't really agree, unless the little milk curdle bits are what you call seedy. At least it's a bit better then what it was like a few days ago. I still can't stomach the smell though. It's so gross! I want it to go back to the normal yellow/brown that it was before. That didn't smell half as bad. She seems happy and content otherwise so it really can't be too serious?

I hate this constant worry though! I know I will never stop worrying but geez! She's still seems to be eating every 2 -2.5 hours though. She does have longer stretches. I thought she was supposed to get more efficient with getting enough milk out so it takes less time but also start to go a bit longer between feedings, or at least go 3 hours between feedings. Instead she seems to be going the other way. I'm still going to feed her when she is hungry though. I am still awaiting her growth spurt, unless her cranky fussiness was it although that really doesn't make to much sense. Yesterday when I was looking up her behaviour it basically could be anything so not to helpful. One website said it could just be one of those things, another said it's due to a growth spurt, another said your let down might be to fast for her, another said it could be she has thrush and it hurt's her mouth. Seriously researching on the Internet is evil sometimes. So what is a person supposed to think. I guess that is what doctors are for! It's the same with figuring out the green poop colour. Could be normal but could be a million other things.

Hopefully that isn't due to a milk allergy or something. Since trying not to eat anything made from milk products would be one royal pain in the ass. I guess to to find out of that is the cause you have to not eat any products like that for more then 3 weeks because that is how long it takes for it to completely be out of your system. Then as one website suggested you can try to eat a bit of hard cheese after the three weeks to see if the poop goes back to the way it was then you know that is what it is. There are other types of food that could be making it go green similar to the milk thing but who knows. Hopefully it is nothing serious or hard to fix/change.