Saturday, April 30, 2011

not a good day... a breast feeding rant

So I am totally sick of this worrying about breast feeding crap. Yesterday after we got home from the doc appointment I just decided to feed monkey the 4oz of expressed milk I had brought with us in case the doc office was behind on appointments. Since we got in and out of there fast and breast milk is okay out of the fridge for 4 hours and I didn't want to put it back in the fridge so I just fed it to her in a bottle. Well I don't know if this is the reason why or not but every feed after that was shit. She would latch, get the let down almost instantly then refuse to suck anymore unless I coaxed her for a long time. At some point during this she would fall asleep and not wake up. Sometimes not even when I tried to burp her in between sides. More then likely, not even taken the second side at all. So I thought okay maybe she isn't that hungry, but then an hour later she was super cranky and everything from changing her bum to moving her around didn't really help to calm her down. So I thought, 'okay she is going into her growth spurt, oh joy! here comes the cluster feeding'. Well nope every time I tried to feed her it was the same thing. They were all shitty feeds.

I know babies are super good at getting milk out, even more so then what I could express with the pump in five minutes but honestly was she really full after one let down from one side for 5 feedings? There was one or two that she probably got more then one let down but still. She was still peeing and pooping which just added more to my confusion. Each time I tried to feed her she also would be thrashing around and flinging her arms and pulling off the nipple (can I say friggen OUCH!) but refusing to let it go at the same time. I know my increasing frustration probably wasn't helping at all but geeez! I am already super freaking worried about her slimy mucus green poop! I do have a doc appointment for that on Monday thankfully.

Anyways, so I tried feeding her again before we went to bed. It was the same a really crappy feed. After awhile I gave up and honestly I needed to get some sleep. She was already sleeping and passed way out anyways so we went to bed. I woke up at 3am and she wasn't stirring at all. I thought that was weird but then again she, I guess according to the lactationist, should start sleeping 5-6 hours stretches at night so I thought well maybe that is what is happening tonight. We went to bed around 12am so it had only been three hours. I fell back asleep and woke up at 6 something and realized SHIT she still isn't even getting all mommy I'm hungry! So I got her up and checked her diaper and she did have a wet diaper so that was relief. I tried to feed her and it was more of the same crap that was going on yesterday. Well she wasn't flinging her arms anymore. When she did it before it wasn't because of an air bubble since as soon as she went on it was instant.

This was seriously starting to worry me. She did have a few let downs so I guess that was good. We got ready and went for groceries and by the time we came home it was feeding time again. She did want to latch on when I offered her my breast and got a let down instantly.

This feeding was a bit better but it was still some of the same crap. After the first let down she stopped sucking. We had to coax her to continue and she might seem like she was going to suck some more but then stopped after a few seconds. It's frustrating! I finally got over the whole worry about her not getting enough just last week and now this! Gawd. So now it's back to worrying if she is getting enough again. I'd rather go back to just having the really sore nipples all the time then going through this! At least then I knew she was eating. We had checked her diaper before I started to feed her this time and it was dry which also worried the hell out of me because that isn't normal for her. But once we checked her after I fed her (and she took both sides although really for not that long) she had a really wet diaper which once again made me feel better.

But honestly WHAT THE HELL!? Can it be any more freaking confusing? She obviously was getting enough yesterday even though they were all shitty feeds but she has continued to have wet diapers. Although after each feeds she wasn't crying, most of the time she was sleeping, but she would wake up 10 mins later and her little paws would be right by her face again. I used to take that to mean that she was hungry, well it's a variation of one of her hungry cues from before. I honestly can no longer tell when she is hungry! Like all the cues I have come to know are gone! So after trying a few things when she gets to the crying point I just try to feed her because I don't know why else she is crying.

Right now though at least she is awake! I mean that makes me feel loads better as well. Especially after sleeping all night long and me having a biotch of a time to wake her up this morning to eat. Although we forgot to turn the heat down and it was really warm in there so that might have been the reason why. Chris said he was reading that if her body gets over a certain temp she won't wake up. So I don't know. I just hope the next time I go to feed her it's more of how she normally eats. I am so confused. Each time I fed her yesterday you could say to me that maybe she just wasn't hungry but every time I offered her my breast she was like frantic to latch on then then do what she did. Talk about mixed signals? I don't understand :( I thought it was getting better but then something like this happens. This is like the reverse of a feeding frenzy/growth spurt.

Also I have been noticing I have been having sharp pin stabbing feelings in my breasts every once in awhile. I don't know what that is about? Ugh sometimes I just seriously wonder why I wanted to breast feed. Bottle feeding with formula just seems to be so much freaking easier and then I would know how much she is getting and she would just suck it back! Seriously!!

ugh.. :( I'm not a happy camper right now and neither is monkey I guess...


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