Wednesday, May 11, 2011

at the end of my rope...

1:41 pm

I think I'm ready to give up on breast feeding. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Today it's just constant crying. I assume it's hunger since it seems to be nothing else. I probably won't make the switch without going to see Heidi once more. Maybe she can give advice on switching to formula. I just want to enjoy my baby and my time through the day with her. I don't want to have to  worry and have to use so much energy to coax her into eating. I gave her 8 weeks of good mothers milk and it's better then nothing I guess. I just can't take the problem after problem. Not to mention that I am worried about her pees again. She had a couple really good soaking ones but the last one was on the small size. I just feel so defeated and I just want to sit down and cry. I hope she takes a nap now but I am afraid that maybe if she does she will wake up screaming again because she realizes she is starving. Hopefully the herbs will start to help by tomorrow so all of this will get better and I won't have to switch. I seriously hate this and wish Chris was home. He won't be here for another few hours though. UGH!

She seemed happy this morning so I don't get it :( The compression trick isn't working either. We were watching the breastfeeding videos on Jack Newman's website. Compressions don't work with her. I have a feeling it has something to do with the latch. Her latches are to shallow and no matter what do to get her to latch correctly it just doesn't work. I'm still working on them though, it's just hard to tell now if she has a good one or not half the time. I just want to be happy and not have to worry about how much she is getting.

grr :(


I checked Monkey's temp to make sure she didn't have a fever, which she doesn't, and I didn't think she did but I didn't know what else to do. I can't tell if she is crying when she is peeing though. I don't think so but I am worried about that. Mostly because of the really small pees she has everyday. I meant to ask the doctor about that last time! Ugh and I forgot. Our next appointment is next Friday when she has to get her first needles. She is sleeping right now so I don't know if the crying was due to hunger or needing to take a nap? Or both? I finally had to stick the soother in her mouth and she passed out pretty quickly so maybe that was it.

Every time she cried and I tried to feed her she would get a let down then fall asleep. So who knows. ooo I hear movement from the play pen :( I am so afraid that when she wakes us she will just wail again. That will break my heart if she does that since she must be starving! I don't know what to do anymore.

I have a feeling that I would just be way happier if I formula fed her. I know I said before about hating that we bought so much breastfeeding stuff (ie the pump, pillows, reusable breast pads) but I guess I can use all that when we have another baby. Despite all of this trouble I would try again with the second baby.

oh crap she is going to start crying :( err or not? She made a few cry like sounds. I should go see what she is up to I guess. Oh shit nope going to cry...

2:50 pm

So I had went to get her then tried to burp her and she did have a small gas bubble, then went to change her diaper since she smelled like she peed and she did. It is 1oz of liquid since the dry diaper weighs .8 oz and this wet diaper weighed 1.8oz. (yeah I have a scale lol that I use for weighing my jewelry when trying to figure out shipping prices) I consider it small though and not very heavy. So I am still worried but at least it's a pee.

I had put her on the ground on the floor thing and she seemed okay but now she is crying again. DAMN I thought I had figure it out gawd

3:40 pm

OMG she had a better feed because I ended up trying to feed her since everything else I tried didn't work. It was better then any other today so that is a relief. She seems content now. Not automatically crying after being "done" five minutes. Although I did put her soother in her mouth and she is sitting in the swing without it on. I thought she might need a nap since she was yawning before I did so. I just hope she doesn't start crying because right now I feel relief and not so depressed and ready to give up like I was before. We will see how long this calm will last though.


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