(written April 17th 2011)
So like I said in my previous entry the night was total shit again. I was so upset this day I just kept saying over and over I don't think I can do this. It's to stressful, it's to crappy, I'm constantly worrying she isn't getting enough. It was horrible. I was annoyed that this paper with all these phone numbers on it for help like no one was available! I called to see if I could talk to Heidi but they said if I hadn't left a message for her earlier in the day she probably wouldn't get back to me today since it was almost home time and that if I just had a question I should call healthy babies ppl and ask to talk to their lactitionist. So that is what I did. I left a message with them. I was just sitting there so upset and poor Mom really didn't know what to say to help me. She said she couldn't even really help or offer advice since she herself never breastfeed and no one in the family really did. The only one she could recall at the time was Aunt Rose. She said everyone went back to work shortly after so they just bottle fed. Regardless it was really nice having Mom there since it was really hard for me to get up and down or walk to far and it was nice to have someone to hand the baby to me when I got all ready to feed her. Mom was even helping me keep monkey awake since she would start to eat then fall asleep. I knew she wasn't full since if you took her off and put her down she would instantly wake up and start freaking out that she was hungry! It was exhausting.
Anyways, The lactationist at healthy babies called me back and it was actually Heather that was at the appointment with Heidi the day before. So that was really nice that she knew what was going on. We talked for awhile and I felt a bit better after getting off the phone with her. I was realllly upset before talking to her. I'm sure most of it was my emotions being out of whack since I couldn't stop freaking crying my eyes out. I just felt so hopeless. So after talking to her I had a game plan in my mind. Chris would go rent a pump, I would pump after each feeding and give her the extra after each feeding. I would be more aggressive when bringing her to my breast and if by the end of the week it wasn't any better then I would switch to bottle feeding. Heather made an appointment with me for Wednesday to come out to the house and talk to me. So that was good as well. I didn't want to buy a breast pump right away since I didn't know if I was going to continue this way and they can be anywhere from $200 to $1500 (at least for the electric ones).
It was only 25 bucks a week to rent it so it wasn't that bad. We had bought a kit from Heidi at the hospital the day before to use with the machine since you have to get your own breast shield , bottles etc. Well I wouldn't have wanted to use any that they would give if they did do that anyways since it would be gross to use one that someone else had used how many times before. The pump worked pretty good. It was pretty huge and the carrying case was big as well. Nice to be able to rent a pump though at first instead of committing to purchasing one out right since you can't return them once they are open. So definitely a huge investment and one you hope you will use.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
(written on april 17th 2011)
So mom got here okay thank god! Chris said when he got back from the store that he was thinking of asking the store if he could use the phone to call me to tell me to call mom and tell her not to come up today since it was so shitty out. So I am really glad she got here okay. She said she left early enough and took her time to get here. It was still really bad out though so it's good she got here okay. I told her where Chris was because she thought he was already on his way to work. I filled her in on the night and how crappy it was. I'm sure I was pretty weepy still. I was glad she was here. I was also relieved when Chris got back. He had got some formula and two bottles. He then got ready for work and went in. With moms help we sterilized the bottles and nipples, made the formula and I fed her about 1oz.
Then since it was after 9 (this was the longest wait ever) I called the hospital back and was hopeful to get an appointment to see Heidi that day. The worst part is that while we were at the hospital, at some point the stupid construction people cut both our lines again so I had to do all my calling on our stupid cell phone (pay as you go - just a basic cell). Thankfully when I called the nurse who answered seemed nicer and more understanding and sympathetic to my shitty night. She said Heidi had a opening at 1pm. Thank GOD! So I called Chris but since he was in a meeting I told them to just get him to call back. I think I might have taken a nap here and told Mom what time we had to go to both the doctor and to the lactitionist.
So Chris came and got me and we went to see Heidi. I was pretty much ready to give up breast feeding at this point. I really could not take another feeding off of my sore poor nipples. I had fed her that oz in the morning after mom came and fed her another oz around 11 before we went to see Heidi I just could not bring myself to put her on again. I figured since I was going to get help it would be okay. That day would have been the deciding factor in regards to weather I would continue this way or not. The meeting with Heidi went well and monkey was hungry too which was good. The person I had talked to when I phoned to make the appointment said if it was a problem with latching then make sure she was hungry when we went.
Heidi brought me hope that I could actually do this and pointed out a few things that I was doing wrong when trying to get her to latch on. Also she explained how to tell if she was getting a let down or swallowing. Basically telling me the whole process really helped me a lot. She also mentioned that when I went to the doctor to mention about this medication to help with my nipples to treat cracks and soreness. She said it would get better if I used that. Also she mentioned that I should either get a pump or rent one to pump after feeding her to help bring my milk supply up again since it might have been suffering due to frustration with feeding and improper latching. The worst thing about all of this was that on Sunday before the crappy night happened I was so relieved to start see that my milk was beginning to transition from colostrum to milk, so I thought I was on the right track.
She also hooked me up to her pump she had there to show me what it would feel like when I am pumping on my own. We didn't get a whole lot out but there was some. She fed it to monkey in a little pill cup thing saying that I could always feed her then express and then top her up with that. I was thinking that probably would be a good idea for me since then I would know that she was at least getting that much. It's so hard to tell exactly how much she is getting since our boobs don't have measuring ticks on them. Anyways after this meeting I was confident and felt that I could actually do this! She had a person from healthy babies with her that day as well. She was just sitting in on her meetings for the day. She was pretty nice and I didn't mind that she was there. So then we were off to the doctor.
The doctor appointment went alright. She was down in weight from 8lbs 11oz to 8lbs 1oz. We expected that though since all babies lose some of their birth weight and then regain it all within two weeks of being born. Everything else seemed to be okay with her. They also gave me a prescription for stuff to put on my nipples. So we went to the pharmacy that is in the same building. Thankfully they rushed to mix this stuff since I think it was almost closing time for them. WHOOPS I didn't even think about that since it was about 5 something then. Thankfully they were nice and filled it there for us. It saved us a trip to SDM to get it filled. I think the amount they gave me will like last me forever and then some. geez. It cost like 50 bucks as well and my insurance card from work wasn't working either! But he said to keep the receipt and once we figure out what is going on we can send it in and get reimbursed if they cover any of it.
So we went home and the feeding time around 7ish went really well and made me feel once again that I was going to be ale to do this! It was such a relief to me since I wanted to breastfeed so bad. The trick is definitely getting her to latch properly. When we were with the lactionist I was really surprised that it didn't hurt at all when we got monkey to latch correctly. It surprised me considering the insta pain that went on every time I had tried to latch her. After that feeding unfortunately, it went to shit again. The next time I fed her was okay but not the greatest. Then all through the night it was a struggle!
So mom got here okay thank god! Chris said when he got back from the store that he was thinking of asking the store if he could use the phone to call me to tell me to call mom and tell her not to come up today since it was so shitty out. So I am really glad she got here okay. She said she left early enough and took her time to get here. It was still really bad out though so it's good she got here okay. I told her where Chris was because she thought he was already on his way to work. I filled her in on the night and how crappy it was. I'm sure I was pretty weepy still. I was glad she was here. I was also relieved when Chris got back. He had got some formula and two bottles. He then got ready for work and went in. With moms help we sterilized the bottles and nipples, made the formula and I fed her about 1oz.
Then since it was after 9 (this was the longest wait ever) I called the hospital back and was hopeful to get an appointment to see Heidi that day. The worst part is that while we were at the hospital, at some point the stupid construction people cut both our lines again so I had to do all my calling on our stupid cell phone (pay as you go - just a basic cell). Thankfully when I called the nurse who answered seemed nicer and more understanding and sympathetic to my shitty night. She said Heidi had a opening at 1pm. Thank GOD! So I called Chris but since he was in a meeting I told them to just get him to call back. I think I might have taken a nap here and told Mom what time we had to go to both the doctor and to the lactitionist.
So Chris came and got me and we went to see Heidi. I was pretty much ready to give up breast feeding at this point. I really could not take another feeding off of my sore poor nipples. I had fed her that oz in the morning after mom came and fed her another oz around 11 before we went to see Heidi I just could not bring myself to put her on again. I figured since I was going to get help it would be okay. That day would have been the deciding factor in regards to weather I would continue this way or not. The meeting with Heidi went well and monkey was hungry too which was good. The person I had talked to when I phoned to make the appointment said if it was a problem with latching then make sure she was hungry when we went.
Heidi brought me hope that I could actually do this and pointed out a few things that I was doing wrong when trying to get her to latch on. Also she explained how to tell if she was getting a let down or swallowing. Basically telling me the whole process really helped me a lot. She also mentioned that when I went to the doctor to mention about this medication to help with my nipples to treat cracks and soreness. She said it would get better if I used that. Also she mentioned that I should either get a pump or rent one to pump after feeding her to help bring my milk supply up again since it might have been suffering due to frustration with feeding and improper latching. The worst thing about all of this was that on Sunday before the crappy night happened I was so relieved to start see that my milk was beginning to transition from colostrum to milk, so I thought I was on the right track.
She also hooked me up to her pump she had there to show me what it would feel like when I am pumping on my own. We didn't get a whole lot out but there was some. She fed it to monkey in a little pill cup thing saying that I could always feed her then express and then top her up with that. I was thinking that probably would be a good idea for me since then I would know that she was at least getting that much. It's so hard to tell exactly how much she is getting since our boobs don't have measuring ticks on them. Anyways after this meeting I was confident and felt that I could actually do this! She had a person from healthy babies with her that day as well. She was just sitting in on her meetings for the day. She was pretty nice and I didn't mind that she was there. So then we were off to the doctor.
The doctor appointment went alright. She was down in weight from 8lbs 11oz to 8lbs 1oz. We expected that though since all babies lose some of their birth weight and then regain it all within two weeks of being born. Everything else seemed to be okay with her. They also gave me a prescription for stuff to put on my nipples. So we went to the pharmacy that is in the same building. Thankfully they rushed to mix this stuff since I think it was almost closing time for them. WHOOPS I didn't even think about that since it was about 5 something then. Thankfully they were nice and filled it there for us. It saved us a trip to SDM to get it filled. I think the amount they gave me will like last me forever and then some. geez. It cost like 50 bucks as well and my insurance card from work wasn't working either! But he said to keep the receipt and once we figure out what is going on we can send it in and get reimbursed if they cover any of it.
So we went home and the feeding time around 7ish went really well and made me feel once again that I was going to be ale to do this! It was such a relief to me since I wanted to breastfeed so bad. The trick is definitely getting her to latch properly. When we were with the lactionist I was really surprised that it didn't hurt at all when we got monkey to latch correctly. It surprised me considering the insta pain that went on every time I had tried to latch her. After that feeding unfortunately, it went to shit again. The next time I fed her was okay but not the greatest. Then all through the night it was a struggle!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
the worst night...
(written on april 17th 2011)
Today around supper time Chris parents, his two brothers, and his sister Lindsay came up to see the baby. Chris's mom had brought some lazagna up that she had made the day before for supper. I don't really remember to much about the visit. They had given us some more things that they had bought for the baby. Like clothes and some toys. :) Lots of cute things. Lindsay had gotten us some things to match with pooh bear crib set including a poo bear light!
I had to go into the bedroom to feed her at one point and then eventually I had to go into the bedroom to take a nap. It was good that they didn't mind because I was super exhausted and I think company was just to much for me right then. It was nice that Chris and the baby got to visit with them though :) They were gone when I woke up around 11:30 or so.
This night was the night from hell. All night long she wouldn't latch onto my breast and she wasn't eating to well. I was getting stressed out mega and I knew that wasn't helping. I tried calling the numbers in the booklet they gave us for help but of course telehealth is like the hospital waiting room. It takes forever to get a reply. Basically they would call me back when a nurse was available to talk to me. I got like no sleep that night because I was worried the whole time. I finally called the A6 ward at the hospital and talked to a nurse there who said at this point I needed to get something into her and that I should go find a place to get some formula and feed her that. This whole conversation really upset me since she made me feel like the worst person in the world. I really don't think that was her intention but since the baby blues were going on strong and having a whole 7 hours of baby hardly getting anything to eat I was beyond reason. We had tricked her most of the night with the soother and it worked like way to well since between trying to feed her she was sleeping sucking away on the soother.
I felt like a horrible mother at this time. But my nipples were hurting soo bad every time she went to latch on. The nurse had told me that I would have to call back at 9 to see if Heidi the lactation consultant would be able to fit me in for help. She said you might have to express that you are in great need and see if she would see me since she already has appointments that day or something. I didn't know you had to make appointments in advance which of course upset me even more.
Finally around 7am she finally latched onto one side and ate a bit, while Chris got ready and went to Sobeys to get some formula. I knew she needed something in her since she hardly ate the whole night, if she got anything at all. This was an emotional time seriously since I didn't want to give up breast feeding because of all the good benefits, the not so poopy diapers and the goodness for babys health but at the same time I could not see myself being able to continue since it had been such a horrible three days. To make matters worse the weather out this morning was horrible and snowy and shit. So not only did I worry about Chris going out in it to the store (thank god for Sobeys being 24/7!! it's the only store I think here that is like that), I also had to worry that Mom was somewhere on her way here already!
Today around supper time Chris parents, his two brothers, and his sister Lindsay came up to see the baby. Chris's mom had brought some lazagna up that she had made the day before for supper. I don't really remember to much about the visit. They had given us some more things that they had bought for the baby. Like clothes and some toys. :) Lots of cute things. Lindsay had gotten us some things to match with pooh bear crib set including a poo bear light!
I had to go into the bedroom to feed her at one point and then eventually I had to go into the bedroom to take a nap. It was good that they didn't mind because I was super exhausted and I think company was just to much for me right then. It was nice that Chris and the baby got to visit with them though :) They were gone when I woke up around 11:30 or so.
This night was the night from hell. All night long she wouldn't latch onto my breast and she wasn't eating to well. I was getting stressed out mega and I knew that wasn't helping. I tried calling the numbers in the booklet they gave us for help but of course telehealth is like the hospital waiting room. It takes forever to get a reply. Basically they would call me back when a nurse was available to talk to me. I got like no sleep that night because I was worried the whole time. I finally called the A6 ward at the hospital and talked to a nurse there who said at this point I needed to get something into her and that I should go find a place to get some formula and feed her that. This whole conversation really upset me since she made me feel like the worst person in the world. I really don't think that was her intention but since the baby blues were going on strong and having a whole 7 hours of baby hardly getting anything to eat I was beyond reason. We had tricked her most of the night with the soother and it worked like way to well since between trying to feed her she was sleeping sucking away on the soother.
I felt like a horrible mother at this time. But my nipples were hurting soo bad every time she went to latch on. The nurse had told me that I would have to call back at 9 to see if Heidi the lactation consultant would be able to fit me in for help. She said you might have to express that you are in great need and see if she would see me since she already has appointments that day or something. I didn't know you had to make appointments in advance which of course upset me even more.
Finally around 7am she finally latched onto one side and ate a bit, while Chris got ready and went to Sobeys to get some formula. I knew she needed something in her since she hardly ate the whole night, if she got anything at all. This was an emotional time seriously since I didn't want to give up breast feeding because of all the good benefits, the not so poopy diapers and the goodness for babys health but at the same time I could not see myself being able to continue since it had been such a horrible three days. To make matters worse the weather out this morning was horrible and snowy and shit. So not only did I worry about Chris going out in it to the store (thank god for Sobeys being 24/7!! it's the only store I think here that is like that), I also had to worry that Mom was somewhere on her way here already!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
home finally...and I can't believe people sometimes rant..
(written on April 17th 2011)
By the time Chris came in I really was not in a good state. I was exhausted, sore, depressed. I was ansy for Chris to get here. It seemed like forever for him to come. He must have came around 9:30 or so. It was a big relief when he finally did show up. Compared to the first night that I was there the second was so horrible. Like I said I really didn't get any sleep. I spent most of the morning dozing. A few people came by to ask if I was hoping to go home this day. Which I was I wanted nothing more then to be home! But I was also worried because of the bleeding and the amount of blood. Thankfully the really nice day nurse was on again so it was nice to be able to talk to her about it. She assured me that the amount was normal and told me what to watch out for and said it could last for weeks. They also had to have the go ahead from the pediatrician that the baby was okay to go home and another doctor for me to go home. It was basically a whole lot of waiting.
They also had to do a few more tests on monkey before she was able to be release. One was the heel prick test. That was so hard to watch. They had to prick her heel and then like milk the blood out into a vial. It took her forever to get enough blood and the whole time she was screaming her head off. Especially when they pricked her heel. Chris was trying to calm her down. It just made me want to cry. I couldn't even comfort her since I was stuck in the bed.
After she was done the nurse had to put blood smears on two pages needing probably about 10-15 of them. The worst part is she wasn't even half way done before she had to re-prick her foot in a slightly different spot because the first spot stopped bleeding. Again it was hard to watch. I didn't want to see her in pain! But I knew that it was for a good cause since they use that blood to test and see if she has any indicators for any development issues or whatever it is. I tried napping for awhile while we were waiting for the okay to leave. Since Chris was there to watch the baby I was able to relax enough to sleep some and I totally needed sleep.
The pediatrician stopped by to check on monkey since he was the one that had to okay her release. He was soo nice and said that on Monday we could come in and get her checked out. If your breast feeding you have to be able to see a doctor within three days of release to make sure baby is doing okay and a week if your bottle feeding. He said he was more then happy to see her until we found our own doctor. Thank god for him! It was nice of him because otherwise I wouldn't know what to do! It's hard to get an appointment with my doctor and he is all the way back home and we have no doctor here. Not a fun thing to find that's for sure but at least monkey had someone to go to for any problems. Also they wouldn't release us if we didn't have anyone to take her to. He was awesome about it after we explained our situation to him.
Basically after that we got the okay to go home. I was still nervous about going home because of the soreness but I was so happy to be getting the hell out of the hospital. Also mom had said that she took the week off that was coming up so she would come up for a few days to help me out. She had told me that on Friday and I was sooo glad to hear that because I was wondering what the hell I was going to do on Monday! It was so awesome of her!
Chris brought our stuff back down to the car and got the baby seat while I changed into normal clothes. I have to say it felt awesome to be in my own clothes! I wish I could have not worn the stupid gowns they had but since I was bleeding so much I didn't really want to wear anything else. My shoes though when I put them on were really tight but they still fit. I never realized that my feet were swollen until this time. We got baby into the car seat and started the journey down to the car. I wished now that I had Chris get a wheel chair for me. I could not walk to fast and by the time we got down to the entrance way I was really sore and just wanted to sit. It took a lot out of me and exerting myself that much that soon was a bad thing. He left me with monkey at the chairs by the door while he went and got the car. It seemed to take him forever but finally he was there and I was able to get into the car and we were finally on our way home.
Unfortunately while we were driving down the main street a stupid ass woman in her SUV almost ran into us. She was semi behind us in the lane beside us and was swerving to get around a back flow of people turning left at the lights but since there was so many of them the last few cars were not in the lane for turning so she had to go around them sort of. She didn't even look to make sure there was no one beside her. I screamed and Chris honked his horn because she was coming into our lane and would have pushed us to the right. Well she got all pissy and started honking her horn as well after she slammed her brakes on a bit and backed off. That had me in tears. Yep stupid emotions but god we were coming home from the hospital with baby and we almost got hit!! geez. I was so freaking pissed at her. Chris was giving her the evil eye when we got to the lights where we had to turn. We were in the turning lane and she as in the lane beside us basically level with us at the lights. Chris said that she wasn't looking at us though. Probably because she realized that she was in the wrong and that is why you CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS!! and not swerve into other lanes without looking!! Especially on a busy FOUR LANED road. Seriously!
Anyways it was nice to be home. I really did not like the way I was feeling though. I'm sure it was a combo of lack of sleep, giving birth and loss of blood. My whole body felt weird all light like and I just felt wrong. It was hard to take a nap I didn't think I was going to fall asleep. I had a really good cry before I did finally nod off. It was hard because I knew I would have to get up and feed monkey soon after I fell asleep. It was good that Chris was there to watch her. I did feel a bit better after I woke up. It was still a rough time. I was definitely having the baby blues. Not to mention my nipples were really killing me due to breast feeding. I started loathing when I had to breast feed her, which at this point felt like all the time.
By the time Chris came in I really was not in a good state. I was exhausted, sore, depressed. I was ansy for Chris to get here. It seemed like forever for him to come. He must have came around 9:30 or so. It was a big relief when he finally did show up. Compared to the first night that I was there the second was so horrible. Like I said I really didn't get any sleep. I spent most of the morning dozing. A few people came by to ask if I was hoping to go home this day. Which I was I wanted nothing more then to be home! But I was also worried because of the bleeding and the amount of blood. Thankfully the really nice day nurse was on again so it was nice to be able to talk to her about it. She assured me that the amount was normal and told me what to watch out for and said it could last for weeks. They also had to have the go ahead from the pediatrician that the baby was okay to go home and another doctor for me to go home. It was basically a whole lot of waiting.
They also had to do a few more tests on monkey before she was able to be release. One was the heel prick test. That was so hard to watch. They had to prick her heel and then like milk the blood out into a vial. It took her forever to get enough blood and the whole time she was screaming her head off. Especially when they pricked her heel. Chris was trying to calm her down. It just made me want to cry. I couldn't even comfort her since I was stuck in the bed.
After she was done the nurse had to put blood smears on two pages needing probably about 10-15 of them. The worst part is she wasn't even half way done before she had to re-prick her foot in a slightly different spot because the first spot stopped bleeding. Again it was hard to watch. I didn't want to see her in pain! But I knew that it was for a good cause since they use that blood to test and see if she has any indicators for any development issues or whatever it is. I tried napping for awhile while we were waiting for the okay to leave. Since Chris was there to watch the baby I was able to relax enough to sleep some and I totally needed sleep.
The pediatrician stopped by to check on monkey since he was the one that had to okay her release. He was soo nice and said that on Monday we could come in and get her checked out. If your breast feeding you have to be able to see a doctor within three days of release to make sure baby is doing okay and a week if your bottle feeding. He said he was more then happy to see her until we found our own doctor. Thank god for him! It was nice of him because otherwise I wouldn't know what to do! It's hard to get an appointment with my doctor and he is all the way back home and we have no doctor here. Not a fun thing to find that's for sure but at least monkey had someone to go to for any problems. Also they wouldn't release us if we didn't have anyone to take her to. He was awesome about it after we explained our situation to him.
Basically after that we got the okay to go home. I was still nervous about going home because of the soreness but I was so happy to be getting the hell out of the hospital. Also mom had said that she took the week off that was coming up so she would come up for a few days to help me out. She had told me that on Friday and I was sooo glad to hear that because I was wondering what the hell I was going to do on Monday! It was so awesome of her!
Chris brought our stuff back down to the car and got the baby seat while I changed into normal clothes. I have to say it felt awesome to be in my own clothes! I wish I could have not worn the stupid gowns they had but since I was bleeding so much I didn't really want to wear anything else. My shoes though when I put them on were really tight but they still fit. I never realized that my feet were swollen until this time. We got baby into the car seat and started the journey down to the car. I wished now that I had Chris get a wheel chair for me. I could not walk to fast and by the time we got down to the entrance way I was really sore and just wanted to sit. It took a lot out of me and exerting myself that much that soon was a bad thing. He left me with monkey at the chairs by the door while he went and got the car. It seemed to take him forever but finally he was there and I was able to get into the car and we were finally on our way home.
Unfortunately while we were driving down the main street a stupid ass woman in her SUV almost ran into us. She was semi behind us in the lane beside us and was swerving to get around a back flow of people turning left at the lights but since there was so many of them the last few cars were not in the lane for turning so she had to go around them sort of. She didn't even look to make sure there was no one beside her. I screamed and Chris honked his horn because she was coming into our lane and would have pushed us to the right. Well she got all pissy and started honking her horn as well after she slammed her brakes on a bit and backed off. That had me in tears. Yep stupid emotions but god we were coming home from the hospital with baby and we almost got hit!! geez. I was so freaking pissed at her. Chris was giving her the evil eye when we got to the lights where we had to turn. We were in the turning lane and she as in the lane beside us basically level with us at the lights. Chris said that she wasn't looking at us though. Probably because she realized that she was in the wrong and that is why you CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS!! and not swerve into other lanes without looking!! Especially on a busy FOUR LANED road. Seriously!
Anyways it was nice to be home. I really did not like the way I was feeling though. I'm sure it was a combo of lack of sleep, giving birth and loss of blood. My whole body felt weird all light like and I just felt wrong. It was hard to take a nap I didn't think I was going to fall asleep. I had a really good cry before I did finally nod off. It was hard because I knew I would have to get up and feed monkey soon after I fell asleep. It was good that Chris was there to watch her. I did feel a bit better after I woke up. It was still a rough time. I was definitely having the baby blues. Not to mention my nipples were really killing me due to breast feeding. I started loathing when I had to breast feed her, which at this point felt like all the time.
Friday, March 18, 2011
(written on april 16th 2011)
When it was time for the staff to change shifts the nurse brought monkey back to me. I remember asking her if she cried at all and she was like yep we passed her around and she was on everyone's lap. I bet all the nurses just love being able to hold and cuddle newborns all the time :) Anyways after that I tried my best to keep her quiet since it was really hard for me to even get out of bed or move around. So I was hoping she wouldn't get to cranky before Chris got there or I would have a real hard time getting out of bed to pick her up. I can't remember exactly but I think Chris got there before I had to get her out to feed her. He came as early as he could. It was a relief to have him there. Nursing was semi a pain in the butt since trying to get it right was a challenge. I think in the morning Heidi the lactation consultant came by to talk about breast feeding with me. I really don't remember to much about what she was saying and since I had just fed monkey, it was pointless (or so I thought at the time) to get her to show me how to do it and I thought I was doing it okay anyways. She went through a booklet of breastfeeding info they give us at the hospital and said she might be back later if I wanted her to come by and if she had time to do so. I think I said yes here but she never did actually show up. Now of course I wish I would have been more coherent and awake to listen to what she was saying and ask more questions and get her to show me how to breast feed properly. The things we wished we knew before hand.
This whole day consisted of people coming, pushing on my uterus, checking my healing process, taken my blood pressure, checking my temperature and giving me pain meds. Most of that was so embarrassing but it's what they are supposed to do I guess. Today I had a student nurse working with a full time nurse, she was really nice. They had to keep the drip on me for most of the day today because I was still gushing blood so I was still hooked up to tons of tubes it was not fun. Another reason why moving around was a pain in the ass. To make matters worse in the wee hours of the morning I got a roommate. I didn't want to be there any longer, it was horrible! I had my curtains closed around me but still. I hated being in there with someone else! Plus we had to share the bathroom as well. I so wished we had a private room :(
It seemed like a long day. I believe that Mom, Tam, Steve and Steph came to visit us near the end of the day. By then I was feeling much better although it was still hard to move around and get up. Sitting up was just impossible and lying in one spot for so long was killing my back but it was to hard to shift around to much. By the time they came to visit they had taken all the tubes out thankfully. I hated that the person that had been wheeled in there in the wee hours of the morning had company with little kids and some of them sat in the chairs that were like right beside my curtain so if the curtain wasn't shut all the way they could see in if they did. The person across from me seemed to just have her curtains open completely at this point. UGH! All I wanted to do was go home!! It was a nice visit when they came though. Mom said she felt better seeing me today since I looked a lot better then I did the day before.
Work sent us flowers because Chris had called work earlier when he got there to tell them he wouldn't be in since I had given birth. Also mom brought me flowers that were in a small glass pink baby train. Tam told me it was the same one that Dad brought Mom in the hospital when she had me so that is pretty cool. Mom hinted that she had three more baby flower holders from when I was a baby. LOL so I guess she wants us to have three more kids or have some more kids. hehe . They stayed for awhile and then left to go home. It was nice to have some company and some people to talk to. Although they had to step out when I needed to try and breastfeed her. I think probably by this time my nipples were starting to really hurt.
Chris stayed until around 11 or 12 again until they kicked him out. I realllly didn't want him to leave. I was so emotional and exhausted and I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope when he left since if monkey started crying I would have to get up and get her out and that was no easy feat since I had a hard time getting out of bed to begin with. I as so swollen and sore. The fact that if I wanted to call the nurses for anything the person across from me would hear me and it was just so not comfortable. I hated being there that night which didn't help me emotionally. I would have been okay if Chris was there to support me but unfortunately I had like 8 hours before he would be back. Also when I had to go to the washroom I had to leave monkey and go and get back quickly. I didn't like leaving her but I really had no choice. Walking was hard, I like waddled and I hated it.
Nursing was a pain and my boobs hurt so much that every time she latched on it killed. I probably had problems feeding her as well since I was so upset that I don't see how she was getting anything. I did the best I could though. The nurse at one point said that I could put clothes on her that I didn't have to leave her naked and at one point said that I could use a pacifier if I had one that maybe she just wanted to suck because she could see that I was upset about feeding her and that she was always crying. I did dress her and that might have helped a little bit. I also was so worn down at one point in the night that I did give her a pacifier. I didn't want to do that right then on the second night of her life since I read about nipple confusion and I still wasn't to confident in breast feeding. This whole night was just a really bad night. I was to afraid to sleep because I didn't want to not hear her or I was afraid she would stop breathing or choke. Plus she was really cranky and wouldn't stop crying anyways.
At one point I did call the nurse because she was breathing weird. The nurse came and put some saline drops in her nose and said to just pat her back because it was probably mucus that was in her system from when she was born and that she probably would sneeze soon to clear it and that it was nothing to worry about. I had to call them a second time because she was still doing it but the nurse that came reassured me. I hated calling them because there is like an intercom on the bed and they talk to you from it and like I said the person across from me could hear what I was saying. I never felt so stupid in my life and never wanted more then anything to be in my own private room with Chris. The expense to me now seemed well worth it. :(
All in all this was one of the worst nights of my life! I was never more relieved to see Chris walk around the curtain the next day!
When it was time for the staff to change shifts the nurse brought monkey back to me. I remember asking her if she cried at all and she was like yep we passed her around and she was on everyone's lap. I bet all the nurses just love being able to hold and cuddle newborns all the time :) Anyways after that I tried my best to keep her quiet since it was really hard for me to even get out of bed or move around. So I was hoping she wouldn't get to cranky before Chris got there or I would have a real hard time getting out of bed to pick her up. I can't remember exactly but I think Chris got there before I had to get her out to feed her. He came as early as he could. It was a relief to have him there. Nursing was semi a pain in the butt since trying to get it right was a challenge. I think in the morning Heidi the lactation consultant came by to talk about breast feeding with me. I really don't remember to much about what she was saying and since I had just fed monkey, it was pointless (or so I thought at the time) to get her to show me how to do it and I thought I was doing it okay anyways. She went through a booklet of breastfeeding info they give us at the hospital and said she might be back later if I wanted her to come by and if she had time to do so. I think I said yes here but she never did actually show up. Now of course I wish I would have been more coherent and awake to listen to what she was saying and ask more questions and get her to show me how to breast feed properly. The things we wished we knew before hand.
This whole day consisted of people coming, pushing on my uterus, checking my healing process, taken my blood pressure, checking my temperature and giving me pain meds. Most of that was so embarrassing but it's what they are supposed to do I guess. Today I had a student nurse working with a full time nurse, she was really nice. They had to keep the drip on me for most of the day today because I was still gushing blood so I was still hooked up to tons of tubes it was not fun. Another reason why moving around was a pain in the ass. To make matters worse in the wee hours of the morning I got a roommate. I didn't want to be there any longer, it was horrible! I had my curtains closed around me but still. I hated being in there with someone else! Plus we had to share the bathroom as well. I so wished we had a private room :(
It seemed like a long day. I believe that Mom, Tam, Steve and Steph came to visit us near the end of the day. By then I was feeling much better although it was still hard to move around and get up. Sitting up was just impossible and lying in one spot for so long was killing my back but it was to hard to shift around to much. By the time they came to visit they had taken all the tubes out thankfully. I hated that the person that had been wheeled in there in the wee hours of the morning had company with little kids and some of them sat in the chairs that were like right beside my curtain so if the curtain wasn't shut all the way they could see in if they did. The person across from me seemed to just have her curtains open completely at this point. UGH! All I wanted to do was go home!! It was a nice visit when they came though. Mom said she felt better seeing me today since I looked a lot better then I did the day before.
Work sent us flowers because Chris had called work earlier when he got there to tell them he wouldn't be in since I had given birth. Also mom brought me flowers that were in a small glass pink baby train. Tam told me it was the same one that Dad brought Mom in the hospital when she had me so that is pretty cool. Mom hinted that she had three more baby flower holders from when I was a baby. LOL so I guess she wants us to have three more kids or have some more kids. hehe . They stayed for awhile and then left to go home. It was nice to have some company and some people to talk to. Although they had to step out when I needed to try and breastfeed her. I think probably by this time my nipples were starting to really hurt.
Chris stayed until around 11 or 12 again until they kicked him out. I realllly didn't want him to leave. I was so emotional and exhausted and I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope when he left since if monkey started crying I would have to get up and get her out and that was no easy feat since I had a hard time getting out of bed to begin with. I as so swollen and sore. The fact that if I wanted to call the nurses for anything the person across from me would hear me and it was just so not comfortable. I hated being there that night which didn't help me emotionally. I would have been okay if Chris was there to support me but unfortunately I had like 8 hours before he would be back. Also when I had to go to the washroom I had to leave monkey and go and get back quickly. I didn't like leaving her but I really had no choice. Walking was hard, I like waddled and I hated it.
Nursing was a pain and my boobs hurt so much that every time she latched on it killed. I probably had problems feeding her as well since I was so upset that I don't see how she was getting anything. I did the best I could though. The nurse at one point said that I could put clothes on her that I didn't have to leave her naked and at one point said that I could use a pacifier if I had one that maybe she just wanted to suck because she could see that I was upset about feeding her and that she was always crying. I did dress her and that might have helped a little bit. I also was so worn down at one point in the night that I did give her a pacifier. I didn't want to do that right then on the second night of her life since I read about nipple confusion and I still wasn't to confident in breast feeding. This whole night was just a really bad night. I was to afraid to sleep because I didn't want to not hear her or I was afraid she would stop breathing or choke. Plus she was really cranky and wouldn't stop crying anyways.
At one point I did call the nurse because she was breathing weird. The nurse came and put some saline drops in her nose and said to just pat her back because it was probably mucus that was in her system from when she was born and that she probably would sneeze soon to clear it and that it was nothing to worry about. I had to call them a second time because she was still doing it but the nurse that came reassured me. I hated calling them because there is like an intercom on the bed and they talk to you from it and like I said the person across from me could hear what I was saying. I never felt so stupid in my life and never wanted more then anything to be in my own private room with Chris. The expense to me now seemed well worth it. :(
All in all this was one of the worst nights of my life! I was never more relieved to see Chris walk around the curtain the next day!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
(written on april 4th 2011)
So once again we got up and went to the hospital to start the process again. Again I was put on the monitor. This time we brought up all our stuff we had packed for the hospital with us, just in case we were going to be admitted that day. The doc eventually came in, after what seemed like forever, and checked me. I might have been slightly more dilated I can't remember at this point. Around this time, Mom and Tammy and everyone arrived. I'm not really sure who else was with them although I think that Marilyn had already been waiting at the hospital for awhile before mom and co arrived. The nurse came in and said there was a whole whack of people here to see me but they were only going to let one person in. They didn't really encourage visitors in this ward and usually ask everyone to wait in the waiting room area. Makes sense to me there is only so much room there, but I knew everyone just wanted me to know that they were there :).
So Mom came in to see me. It was at this point that my doctor came in to tell me what they were going to do (break my water and admit me). Mom gave me a hug and wished me luck and said they would be waiting in the waiting room. After mom left he checked me and then broke my water which sucked, not a fun experience. My contractions before that were still consistent and getting worse but I could still stand them. After he broke my water they got sooo bad. The jump in the intensity of my contractions really sucked! I had a hard time breathing through them they were so bad!
I definitely bumped a girl that was in to be induced that day. She had to come back the next day. I was happy that we weren't being sent home again though. Might have been frustrating for her since she was I think in the day before as well but I was more over due then she was so I am glad they induced me. The nurse that we had was really nice. She said that they would get a room ready for me soon. I was happy about that because I really didn't want to be in the monitoring room anymore. There are 6 beds in there, sure they have curtains but it's not the same as being in your own room. We were soon after sent to birthing room #1.
The pain at this point was getting unbearable. It probably was around 10am at this point. It was nice to be in our own private room. The pain was so bad and I remember commenting to one of the nurses that I don't know how anyone can do this. She was like that is why when I got married I told my husband that we weren't going to have kids, he was like no problem. lol. I don't really blame her since she sees what people go through on a daily basis. All the nurses were really nice, including the one that was basically my nurse through the whole thing. It made the process much better.
She gave me some medicine, not sure what it was now, into my IV to help with the pain because my contractions where really bad and really hard to get through and breath through. Chris was trying to help me get through them but it was so hard knowing that another one was going to start to build in three minutes. After the medicine I felt really sluggish and loopy but the contractions were standable. I don't even know if I noticed them or not at this point. The nurse asked me if I wanted to go get into the tub which I said yes I would try that. Why not, I figured I would give it a shot since I will be in the hospital in labour for a freaking long time possibly.
So she went and got that ready and then came back and told me I could go down anytime. So I pulled my IV pole thing along with me and we went down to the birthing room that had the water jet tub in it (All the birthing rooms have tubs in them but unfortunately when they build that wing they put the wrong tubs in them except one so they are off limits. They are like a hazard to prego women since they are so high and deep and have no jets in them plus no step to get into them easily.) So that sort of sucked, it would have been much better if I was in the same room as the birthing tub. Anyways she told me that I could adjust the water temp but not any higher then what she had it set at. I had to turn the temp down a bunch since it was really hot. The jets were really nice though! I probably was in there for an hour or 1.5 hours. I thought I would have to get out at some point but one time when she came in she asked if I was ready to go back or if I wanted to stay in there longer. I guess I could have stayed in there as long as I wanted. At this time though it was really hot, I was just dripping sweat. The water might have been nice and the jets relaxing me but I felt like I was over heating and having sweat drip off my face just wasn't the nicest thing in the world at that moment. It was sort of getting uncomfortable so I told her it would be nice to get out and go back to my room. So Chris helped me out. That was a BIG mistake. BIG BIG BIG mistake. I was feeling the contractions in the tub but they weren't to bad. I was still sort of loopy, but the meds had started to wear off I think. Anyways as soon as I got out and was starting to dry off holy CRAP were the contractions really bad. It was all I could do to get dressed and get back to my room. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it back there since we were at the opposite end of the hall!
It was such a relief to get back and lie down on the bed! The nurse asked me how I was doing and what I wanted to do for pain. I think she might have given me the option of some more of whatever she gave me before or a epidural. Now I didn't want to get an epidural unless I needed to. I basically was open to anything since I didn't know how I was going to be. Well at this time I didn't want to go through anymore of those contractions, it was the worst pain ever in my life. I didn't see how I could handle however many more hours of that! So I said epidural please. Anything to take away the pain. She was like okay I will go see if the doctor is still here. He was in the wing giving someone else one and was about to leave. So it was a good thing I asked for it then or I would have been waiting for like two plus hours for him to come back!
He thankfully came in and started the process. I was scared to death of this since they put that tube right in your spine! I thought it was going to hurt! The nurse assured me that if I got through the IV being inserted, then this was nothing because the IV was worse. Another nurse had come in and gave me a hug while I was sitting on the bed waiting for the doc to be ready. She was like I am so glad to hear you are getting the epidural. The worst part of this was when he put the needle in to freeze my back. The tube and needle going into my spine I didn't feel at all! This experience was nothing like I expected it to be or how it was made to seem like on shows like 'baby story' etc. A lot of things about the whole labour and delivery were like that. Doesn't matter how prepared you are, how much you read or watch things it is not the same at all! Surprising but true.
Once he got me all hooked up, there was like this big tape thing on my back etc I finally got to lay down. I don't think I was noticing the contractions during this either since I was so worried about the epidural. Wish I could have distracted myself from that pain without having to have it done or any pain meds for that matter. The doc told me not to drag my back on the bed when I shift position so that it won't tear the tube out. They asked me if I felt anything. The nurse was like you are having a contraction right now. I was like really? I felt nothing! It was like any normal day. The relief was immense!! The epidural was nothing like I expected. I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anything or move but I could do both. My legs did feel slightly numb but it was nothing that was to noticeable. After a few minutes I felt like I was cheating since I was fine just sitting in the bed waiting for the baby to be ready to come out. I even told that to one of the nurses and she just sort of laughed.
Chris had got a tv/internet/phone card so we were watching something on tv. I don't even remember what it was or if I could hear the sound. I decided to try and sleep because I'm sure labour would be exhausting. It probably was around 1-2pm by this time. The nurse checked me at around 2 or 3ish and I was about 4 cm. About an half hour later (I'm not sure about the exact times I'm just guessing) my doctor came over from the office to check me and he was talking about how the doctor that was on that night was a good one because I don't think he thought I would be ready to give birth until later that night. But when he checked me he was like oh well you might go before I leave for the day. I was at 7 cm! In a half hour I went from 4 to 7. I think that they put oxytocin (however that is spelled) in my IV after the epidural to help induce me further and help labour along. I vaguely remember something about that.
Soon after that, I felt lots of pressure and commented to the nurse about it. She said to let her know when it felt like I should start pushing. It wasn't long after that that I told Chris that I think I should start pushing. I can't remember if the nurse was in the room at that time or if Chris went to tell someone but she came and checked me and I was fully dilated. She either went to call the doctor or got someone else to tell him that I was ready and that he probably should come over. So she started the labour process and got me to start pushing, she helped me by telling me were to focus my pushs. This was around 4pm. I was pushing for 10secs three times in each contraction. Sometimes I was able to push for a fourth time. I pushed as freaking hard as I could because I wanted this baby out. That hour was so exhausting. The contractions were so close together and it was tiring trying to lift my legs up every time to push. Not to mention that I didn't have to much control of my right leg. It felt really weak. I think I said a million times that I couldn't do this anymore but every time a contraction came I was pushing as hard as I could, because really I had to push no matter what.
The doctor came in at some point and got all ready in his scrubs. I remember him asking me if I was against using a suction and I was like do whatever you have to do to get baby out! I remember asking if Chris could see the baby's head since I felt sure that he must be able to see the baby by then but he was like nope only when you push. This sort of depressed me since at this time I was so exhausted and I had hoped that it would be over soon, but with his reply I knew it was going to be awhile longer and I didn't know how I was going to have enough strength to continue!
So not to be so graphic in my blog basically the doctor had to use the suction cup thing because baby was having a hard time getting past the pubic bone. He assured me that it would be mostly me and that he would just be helping baby along. I'm sort of glad that it wasn't the other way around or baby would have a really bad cone head! He also unfortunately had to cut me as well because it looked like I might tear. I'd rather have a clean cut then a bad tear. Shudder. This was also was something I hoped to avoid but at this point I don't think I cared what they did as long as the baby came out soon.
I remember the instant that he pulled monkey out. I randomly glanced down but for the most part I was in a haze and concentrating on pushing as hard as I could. It was such a huge relief. I literally remember letting out a big breath and collapsing back onto the bed. I looked at the clock and it was 5:15. So I had been pushing for only an hour and 15 mins. Not to bad. I expected it to be longer. I remember him asking if 'dad wanted to cut the cord' which of course Chris did.
After that everything is sort of a haze and like a dream. Well really the whole thing was. They said it was a girl and they went and measured her. I was looking in her direction trying not to cry and not really noticing what doc was doing. I know the placenta needed to come out. The only thing I felt really was when he was pushing on my stomach really hard probably to get my uterus to contract.
The nurse brought monkey back to me and she was all wrapped up in her blanket swaddled and laying on my chest. I just kept holding onto her staring at her. I couldn't believe that it was finally over - well except for being stitched up. I had to have a lot of stitches and I swear it seemed to take him a lot longer to stitch me back together then it did to give birth to monkey! Lucky for Chris because I had monkey in my arms I couldn't do any death grip onto his hands or arm or anything. It was so hard to get through that. I remember the nurse asking me if they could take her to weigh her or if I wanted to keep holding onto her because she was distracting me. I said she was definitely distracting me. So she left that part until doc was done.
Typing this now I can say that I remember that I never expected the birth and the after stuff to be as bad as it was and I was convinced that I would never have another baby again because I didn't want to go through that again. I couldn't understand how anyone could do this more then once, especially after knowing what the first time was like. But now as I type it I totally would consider having another baby and I don't remember just how bad it really was, even though I remember that I knew it was really bad. If that makes any sense. I lost track of time at this point.
The stitching must have taken an hour or so to complete. We didn't even call or go out and tell mom and them that she was born because it was taking a long time to repair me and I also wanted to breast feed before seeing them. Chris did finally call after the doctor was finally done with me but told them that I wanted to try and breast feed before they came in. He told them it was a girl her weight etc. I guess they all like cheered really loudly when he had called. Chris had tried to put the phone to my ear really fast because I guess Steve had passed the phone to mom really quickly and because they were screaming but by the time I got it and said hi Steve's phone either died or the ran out of time on it. So either Chris phone Tam's phone or someone called ours. That was when he said he would come get them when we were done trying to breast feed.
I barely remember the nurse showing me the football hold and trying to feed her. After that I think it was around 7:30 pm when the family started coming in to see us. I felt like royal shit. My hair was like all over the place. I really wanted nothing more then a shower and to get out of the hospital clothes but I was to exhausted and tired to do any of those things, not to mention sore. They came in to see us in three's I think or maybe fours. I know Mom and Marilyn came in first with Tammy (Chris's sister). I think Tam,Steve and Steph came in in the second wave? I know at the end I remember seeing Tammy and Kaitlin and someone else with them to say bye to us. Well I guess they all cycled through again to say by to us and to congratulate us. My memory is so hazy because I was so exhausted but it was nice that they all were there for us even though they all must have been bored as hell waiting in the waiting room all that time. I'm thankfully that they did that though considering I didn't think we would have anyone or at least not to many people in the waiting room waiting for us since everyone except Steph lives 1-1.5 hours away! So thank you Mom, Marilyn, Tam and Steve, Tammy, Kaitlin and Steph for being there for us. :) (I also hope I didn't miss anyone!)
I think mom said she felt better after seeing me, although she might have said that the second day because I must have looked like I went through the ringer when she came into the birthing room. I really wished that we could have stayed in that room. It was nice and private and calm in there. Chris also was with me. A nurse came in at some point to say they were getting a bed ready for me and that it might be an hour or so. She did mention to Chris that because it was a ward room he couldn't stay overnight because there just wasn't room. She asked him that in a question. I was hoping they would let him stay with me the first night at least. I really didn't want him to leave!! But no such luck.
They eventually had the room ready and both the nurse and Chris helped me get into a wheelchair. Holy crap I am glad for that since I was so freaking weak! It was hard to move. They handed me the baby and Chris grabbed our stuff and off we went down to the other ward and into the room where I was going to stay. I have to say again I wish we had a private room. Although the good thing is that the first night I was in there by myself. They kicked Chris out around 11 or 12. It was hard to see him go.
They did have the baby in the room with me which was nice. The nurse that was looking after me was really nice. I liked her. She came by a lot to check on me and to give me pain meds etc. After a bit she asked me if it was okay for her to take monkey out to the nurses station so I could get some sleep. She said she would bring her back in to nurse but she really didn't need to nurse to often the first 24 hours. So I got a good amount of sleep that night. I think about 3-4 hours until sometime in the wee hours of the morning she came to get me up and moving so she could check that everything was normal. Walking was NOT FUN! and I was fairly close to the washroom. That was the hardest part not being able to move to well and knowing that when monkey was with me and started crying I had to get her and that took like a year each time. That was why I really wish that Chris was still with me! Stupid private/semi private room costing so much. The other downfall of being in the ward room is that no visitors except for visiting hours. If I was in a private room everyone could have potentially stayed longer to see the baby and all be in there at the same time instead of 2s or 3s I believe.
It was definitely a long ass day and it sucked that I was by myself without Chris the first night but it was nice that my nurse was super nice and that I got much needed sleep.
So once again we got up and went to the hospital to start the process again. Again I was put on the monitor. This time we brought up all our stuff we had packed for the hospital with us, just in case we were going to be admitted that day. The doc eventually came in, after what seemed like forever, and checked me. I might have been slightly more dilated I can't remember at this point. Around this time, Mom and Tammy and everyone arrived. I'm not really sure who else was with them although I think that Marilyn had already been waiting at the hospital for awhile before mom and co arrived. The nurse came in and said there was a whole whack of people here to see me but they were only going to let one person in. They didn't really encourage visitors in this ward and usually ask everyone to wait in the waiting room area. Makes sense to me there is only so much room there, but I knew everyone just wanted me to know that they were there :).
So Mom came in to see me. It was at this point that my doctor came in to tell me what they were going to do (break my water and admit me). Mom gave me a hug and wished me luck and said they would be waiting in the waiting room. After mom left he checked me and then broke my water which sucked, not a fun experience. My contractions before that were still consistent and getting worse but I could still stand them. After he broke my water they got sooo bad. The jump in the intensity of my contractions really sucked! I had a hard time breathing through them they were so bad!
I definitely bumped a girl that was in to be induced that day. She had to come back the next day. I was happy that we weren't being sent home again though. Might have been frustrating for her since she was I think in the day before as well but I was more over due then she was so I am glad they induced me. The nurse that we had was really nice. She said that they would get a room ready for me soon. I was happy about that because I really didn't want to be in the monitoring room anymore. There are 6 beds in there, sure they have curtains but it's not the same as being in your own room. We were soon after sent to birthing room #1.
The pain at this point was getting unbearable. It probably was around 10am at this point. It was nice to be in our own private room. The pain was so bad and I remember commenting to one of the nurses that I don't know how anyone can do this. She was like that is why when I got married I told my husband that we weren't going to have kids, he was like no problem. lol. I don't really blame her since she sees what people go through on a daily basis. All the nurses were really nice, including the one that was basically my nurse through the whole thing. It made the process much better.
She gave me some medicine, not sure what it was now, into my IV to help with the pain because my contractions where really bad and really hard to get through and breath through. Chris was trying to help me get through them but it was so hard knowing that another one was going to start to build in three minutes. After the medicine I felt really sluggish and loopy but the contractions were standable. I don't even know if I noticed them or not at this point. The nurse asked me if I wanted to go get into the tub which I said yes I would try that. Why not, I figured I would give it a shot since I will be in the hospital in labour for a freaking long time possibly.
So she went and got that ready and then came back and told me I could go down anytime. So I pulled my IV pole thing along with me and we went down to the birthing room that had the water jet tub in it (All the birthing rooms have tubs in them but unfortunately when they build that wing they put the wrong tubs in them except one so they are off limits. They are like a hazard to prego women since they are so high and deep and have no jets in them plus no step to get into them easily.) So that sort of sucked, it would have been much better if I was in the same room as the birthing tub. Anyways she told me that I could adjust the water temp but not any higher then what she had it set at. I had to turn the temp down a bunch since it was really hot. The jets were really nice though! I probably was in there for an hour or 1.5 hours. I thought I would have to get out at some point but one time when she came in she asked if I was ready to go back or if I wanted to stay in there longer. I guess I could have stayed in there as long as I wanted. At this time though it was really hot, I was just dripping sweat. The water might have been nice and the jets relaxing me but I felt like I was over heating and having sweat drip off my face just wasn't the nicest thing in the world at that moment. It was sort of getting uncomfortable so I told her it would be nice to get out and go back to my room. So Chris helped me out. That was a BIG mistake. BIG BIG BIG mistake. I was feeling the contractions in the tub but they weren't to bad. I was still sort of loopy, but the meds had started to wear off I think. Anyways as soon as I got out and was starting to dry off holy CRAP were the contractions really bad. It was all I could do to get dressed and get back to my room. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it back there since we were at the opposite end of the hall!
It was such a relief to get back and lie down on the bed! The nurse asked me how I was doing and what I wanted to do for pain. I think she might have given me the option of some more of whatever she gave me before or a epidural. Now I didn't want to get an epidural unless I needed to. I basically was open to anything since I didn't know how I was going to be. Well at this time I didn't want to go through anymore of those contractions, it was the worst pain ever in my life. I didn't see how I could handle however many more hours of that! So I said epidural please. Anything to take away the pain. She was like okay I will go see if the doctor is still here. He was in the wing giving someone else one and was about to leave. So it was a good thing I asked for it then or I would have been waiting for like two plus hours for him to come back!
He thankfully came in and started the process. I was scared to death of this since they put that tube right in your spine! I thought it was going to hurt! The nurse assured me that if I got through the IV being inserted, then this was nothing because the IV was worse. Another nurse had come in and gave me a hug while I was sitting on the bed waiting for the doc to be ready. She was like I am so glad to hear you are getting the epidural. The worst part of this was when he put the needle in to freeze my back. The tube and needle going into my spine I didn't feel at all! This experience was nothing like I expected it to be or how it was made to seem like on shows like 'baby story' etc. A lot of things about the whole labour and delivery were like that. Doesn't matter how prepared you are, how much you read or watch things it is not the same at all! Surprising but true.
Once he got me all hooked up, there was like this big tape thing on my back etc I finally got to lay down. I don't think I was noticing the contractions during this either since I was so worried about the epidural. Wish I could have distracted myself from that pain without having to have it done or any pain meds for that matter. The doc told me not to drag my back on the bed when I shift position so that it won't tear the tube out. They asked me if I felt anything. The nurse was like you are having a contraction right now. I was like really? I felt nothing! It was like any normal day. The relief was immense!! The epidural was nothing like I expected. I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anything or move but I could do both. My legs did feel slightly numb but it was nothing that was to noticeable. After a few minutes I felt like I was cheating since I was fine just sitting in the bed waiting for the baby to be ready to come out. I even told that to one of the nurses and she just sort of laughed.
Chris had got a tv/internet/phone card so we were watching something on tv. I don't even remember what it was or if I could hear the sound. I decided to try and sleep because I'm sure labour would be exhausting. It probably was around 1-2pm by this time. The nurse checked me at around 2 or 3ish and I was about 4 cm. About an half hour later (I'm not sure about the exact times I'm just guessing) my doctor came over from the office to check me and he was talking about how the doctor that was on that night was a good one because I don't think he thought I would be ready to give birth until later that night. But when he checked me he was like oh well you might go before I leave for the day. I was at 7 cm! In a half hour I went from 4 to 7. I think that they put oxytocin (however that is spelled) in my IV after the epidural to help induce me further and help labour along. I vaguely remember something about that.
Soon after that, I felt lots of pressure and commented to the nurse about it. She said to let her know when it felt like I should start pushing. It wasn't long after that that I told Chris that I think I should start pushing. I can't remember if the nurse was in the room at that time or if Chris went to tell someone but she came and checked me and I was fully dilated. She either went to call the doctor or got someone else to tell him that I was ready and that he probably should come over. So she started the labour process and got me to start pushing, she helped me by telling me were to focus my pushs. This was around 4pm. I was pushing for 10secs three times in each contraction. Sometimes I was able to push for a fourth time. I pushed as freaking hard as I could because I wanted this baby out. That hour was so exhausting. The contractions were so close together and it was tiring trying to lift my legs up every time to push. Not to mention that I didn't have to much control of my right leg. It felt really weak. I think I said a million times that I couldn't do this anymore but every time a contraction came I was pushing as hard as I could, because really I had to push no matter what.
The doctor came in at some point and got all ready in his scrubs. I remember him asking me if I was against using a suction and I was like do whatever you have to do to get baby out! I remember asking if Chris could see the baby's head since I felt sure that he must be able to see the baby by then but he was like nope only when you push. This sort of depressed me since at this time I was so exhausted and I had hoped that it would be over soon, but with his reply I knew it was going to be awhile longer and I didn't know how I was going to have enough strength to continue!
So not to be so graphic in my blog basically the doctor had to use the suction cup thing because baby was having a hard time getting past the pubic bone. He assured me that it would be mostly me and that he would just be helping baby along. I'm sort of glad that it wasn't the other way around or baby would have a really bad cone head! He also unfortunately had to cut me as well because it looked like I might tear. I'd rather have a clean cut then a bad tear. Shudder. This was also was something I hoped to avoid but at this point I don't think I cared what they did as long as the baby came out soon.
I remember the instant that he pulled monkey out. I randomly glanced down but for the most part I was in a haze and concentrating on pushing as hard as I could. It was such a huge relief. I literally remember letting out a big breath and collapsing back onto the bed. I looked at the clock and it was 5:15. So I had been pushing for only an hour and 15 mins. Not to bad. I expected it to be longer. I remember him asking if 'dad wanted to cut the cord' which of course Chris did.
After that everything is sort of a haze and like a dream. Well really the whole thing was. They said it was a girl and they went and measured her. I was looking in her direction trying not to cry and not really noticing what doc was doing. I know the placenta needed to come out. The only thing I felt really was when he was pushing on my stomach really hard probably to get my uterus to contract.
The nurse brought monkey back to me and she was all wrapped up in her blanket swaddled and laying on my chest. I just kept holding onto her staring at her. I couldn't believe that it was finally over - well except for being stitched up. I had to have a lot of stitches and I swear it seemed to take him a lot longer to stitch me back together then it did to give birth to monkey! Lucky for Chris because I had monkey in my arms I couldn't do any death grip onto his hands or arm or anything. It was so hard to get through that. I remember the nurse asking me if they could take her to weigh her or if I wanted to keep holding onto her because she was distracting me. I said she was definitely distracting me. So she left that part until doc was done.
Typing this now I can say that I remember that I never expected the birth and the after stuff to be as bad as it was and I was convinced that I would never have another baby again because I didn't want to go through that again. I couldn't understand how anyone could do this more then once, especially after knowing what the first time was like. But now as I type it I totally would consider having another baby and I don't remember just how bad it really was, even though I remember that I knew it was really bad. If that makes any sense. I lost track of time at this point.
The stitching must have taken an hour or so to complete. We didn't even call or go out and tell mom and them that she was born because it was taking a long time to repair me and I also wanted to breast feed before seeing them. Chris did finally call after the doctor was finally done with me but told them that I wanted to try and breast feed before they came in. He told them it was a girl her weight etc. I guess they all like cheered really loudly when he had called. Chris had tried to put the phone to my ear really fast because I guess Steve had passed the phone to mom really quickly and because they were screaming but by the time I got it and said hi Steve's phone either died or the ran out of time on it. So either Chris phone Tam's phone or someone called ours. That was when he said he would come get them when we were done trying to breast feed.
I barely remember the nurse showing me the football hold and trying to feed her. After that I think it was around 7:30 pm when the family started coming in to see us. I felt like royal shit. My hair was like all over the place. I really wanted nothing more then a shower and to get out of the hospital clothes but I was to exhausted and tired to do any of those things, not to mention sore. They came in to see us in three's I think or maybe fours. I know Mom and Marilyn came in first with Tammy (Chris's sister). I think Tam,Steve and Steph came in in the second wave? I know at the end I remember seeing Tammy and Kaitlin and someone else with them to say bye to us. Well I guess they all cycled through again to say by to us and to congratulate us. My memory is so hazy because I was so exhausted but it was nice that they all were there for us even though they all must have been bored as hell waiting in the waiting room all that time. I'm thankfully that they did that though considering I didn't think we would have anyone or at least not to many people in the waiting room waiting for us since everyone except Steph lives 1-1.5 hours away! So thank you Mom, Marilyn, Tam and Steve, Tammy, Kaitlin and Steph for being there for us. :) (I also hope I didn't miss anyone!)
I think mom said she felt better after seeing me, although she might have said that the second day because I must have looked like I went through the ringer when she came into the birthing room. I really wished that we could have stayed in that room. It was nice and private and calm in there. Chris also was with me. A nurse came in at some point to say they were getting a bed ready for me and that it might be an hour or so. She did mention to Chris that because it was a ward room he couldn't stay overnight because there just wasn't room. She asked him that in a question. I was hoping they would let him stay with me the first night at least. I really didn't want him to leave!! But no such luck.
They eventually had the room ready and both the nurse and Chris helped me get into a wheelchair. Holy crap I am glad for that since I was so freaking weak! It was hard to move. They handed me the baby and Chris grabbed our stuff and off we went down to the other ward and into the room where I was going to stay. I have to say again I wish we had a private room. Although the good thing is that the first night I was in there by myself. They kicked Chris out around 11 or 12. It was hard to see him go.
They did have the baby in the room with me which was nice. The nurse that was looking after me was really nice. I liked her. She came by a lot to check on me and to give me pain meds etc. After a bit she asked me if it was okay for her to take monkey out to the nurses station so I could get some sleep. She said she would bring her back in to nurse but she really didn't need to nurse to often the first 24 hours. So I got a good amount of sleep that night. I think about 3-4 hours until sometime in the wee hours of the morning she came to get me up and moving so she could check that everything was normal. Walking was NOT FUN! and I was fairly close to the washroom. That was the hardest part not being able to move to well and knowing that when monkey was with me and started crying I had to get her and that took like a year each time. That was why I really wish that Chris was still with me! Stupid private/semi private room costing so much. The other downfall of being in the ward room is that no visitors except for visiting hours. If I was in a private room everyone could have potentially stayed longer to see the baby and all be in there at the same time instead of 2s or 3s I believe.
It was definitely a long ass day and it sucked that I was by myself without Chris the first night but it was nice that my nurse was super nice and that I got much needed sleep.
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