Thursday, May 12, 2011

Emergency room trip!!

So this morning we went and brought Monkey down to the emergency room at around 8:30am. When we checked her diaper this morning after I fed her, which was around 7, she did not have a wet diaper. That means she went 12 hours (TWELVE HOURS!!!) without a wet or dirty diaper. The last time she peed was around 7pm last night, she did have a dirty one around 8pm so she could have had a pee in that one but it was so light it was hard to tell. Then nothing for 12 hours. Just before we left for the hospital she had a really small one. I was right freaking worried and I was like we are definitely going to the hospital. A few days ago she had done the same thing but it was only a 6 hour stretch. This 12 hour non pee really scared me. I've already been stressed about the whole breast feeding thing and just not wanting to have anything to do with it the past few days that this was just the icing on the cake. I was really worried that something was wrong and that I just couldn't tell or see it.

As far as I could tell she has been acting normal. I didn't want to not go and then regret it if something happened to her or was wrong with her. So we got her all bundled up and went down. Thankfully the main room was fairly empty and there were only two other people ahead of us.

Once it was our turn we told the triage nurse what was up. She checked her heart rate and her temp and asked us a bunch of questions. I told her I was breast feeding and that had a hard time with it right from the start and was at the point that I just wanted to switch to formula. She said she completely understood where I was coming from because with her first she was the same way and had to make the switch. She said with her second though she was able to truck through the shitty times and breast fed her all the way. She told me to not let anyone make me feel like I should continue bf, especially if you aren't enjoying it or are angry etc. She said sometimes there is just to much push from people but if your not happy then it's not worth it. Talking to her about that really made me feel better, probably because she understood what I was feeling and it was nice to know that someone else had gone through this. I'm sure there are a lot of people that have though but you don't always get to talk to them or talk to people with similar situations as you. It's nice to know that she was able to continue to breast feed her second child regardless of the rough times. She told me if you can get through the first 3-4 months it's totally worth it.

The nurse also weighed her and she weighed in at 12lbs!! She did have her clothes on but that wouldn't have made to much difference. She still gained at least 11oz since May 6th!! Crazyness! Monkey is getting heavy!

Chris mentioned that I was reading about stuff and then started worrying about kidney problems etc. Well it's true I did. I'm not saying that I thought that is what she had, it just freaked me out that it was a possibility. The nurse looked at me and was like 'aww your totally a first time mom and your going to worry.'. So we were sent around the corner so they could print up all the paper work and then we were set back around the corner (following blue dots) to the main nurse station thing on that floor. Then after a few minutes waiting we got our own little cubicle (number 8!). The nurse came in and we retold what our issue was. Then it was a little bit of a wait for the ER doctor.

Finally he came in and checked her over, listening to her heart, looking into her ears and mouth, checking her liver and kidneys. I guess all the basic stuff. He asked me a few more questions and then said from what he is seeing is that her liver is the right size for her age, her kidneys seemed fine since he was pressing on her tummy fairly hard and she was content with looking at me and smiling. So no worries there. He said that they would get a sample of her urine to check for a uti since that was really the only other thing that could be the problem. They would just get me to feed her and they would test a urine sample. If my breast feeding her didn't make her pass urine then they would give me a sample of formula for me to give her. The nurse came back and put an this weird bag like thing that basically stuck to her so that when she peed it would collect in the bag and not go into her diaper. I fed her as best I could in the cradle hold, which was awkward since I'm used to having my pillow and feeding her in the cross cradle hold. But it worked out okay. It was good that Chris was there so he could take her after I finished either side since it was awkward to try and pick her up since her head is still wobbly.

After I was done we just laid her back on the bed where she kicked and punched away and was merry and all smiles. The nurse came back and checked her and she had gone except I think there was a leak and most hit her diaper but there was enough in the bag for them to test it. It didn't even phase monkey when she pulled it off. I thought she would cry but she didn't. So after she went to get that tested we changed her bum since I noticed that her diaper looked full. Well holy crap was it ever full! It was so full it was like Stewie in that episode of family guy where Peter just didn't change him for like a week and Stewie had a hard time walking because his diaper was so full it was dragging on the ground behind him. That was how full it was!

We had to change her jammies since she got them wet from her humongous diaper, and even had a poop and another pee. She totally made up for not peeing for 12 hours! Gawd! While we were making sure she was done dirting her diaper the doctor came back in. He said that everything was fine. The results showed that her urine was fine, it was clear, and they also checked for something that would show up in her urine if my diet was shitty. He said basically you can't really predict when they are going to go and as long as she isn't showing signs of fever, jaundice, dehydration, lethargy etc then she would be fine. He said he wasn't worried at all and considering she weighed in at 12lbs he wasn't concerned and that she must be getting enough breast milk regardless of my troubles or worries. He said if she was still crying after feeding her we could always give her some formula. He did say that I should bring her to see her doctor soon and just get him to recheck her but he wasn't concerned at all.

This made me feel so much better. I was so freaking worried. Of course the last few days I have been so stressed about breast feeding that she probably sensed it and wasn't getting enough at her feedings. Also on top of that her pee's were a concern so that didn't help my situation any at all. I cannot tell you how relieved I am.

When we got home, after being at the hospital for about 3.5 hours (Not that long really at all) I called Mom back. I had called her before we went to ask her what my troubles were when I was younger. I had some issues with my kidneys but it was just that they didn't develop as fast as they should have so I was only ever peeing small amounts at a time. I wanted to know that in case I needed to mention that when we went. So I called her back to let her know what was going on so she wouldn't worry. She mentioned to me that soon after I called my Aunt Rose had called her about something so she asked her if she every had that trouble with any of her kids. My Aunt is the only person besides my sister-in-law that Mom knew that breast fed. My aunt said that all three of her girls did the same thing to her and that she always freaked out about it. That made me feel even better.

I am so relieved!! So relieved that I might be able to tough out the whole breast feeding thing after all. I was just always constantly worried about how much she was getting and then when she went for long stretched of not peeing it used to worry me and make me feel like crap. She always made up for it through the day though, it's not like she stopped completely. Just her pees always vary from small to medium to large. Seriously! I'm glad we went though. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I know can enjoy the rest of the weekend without this nagging worry in the back of my mind. I am at ease now :) We will talk to the doctor about it on Friday since she has to get her first shots then. I'm also going to ask him on advice on how to transition from breast feeding to formula just so I know. For now though I feel a HUGE relief! Phew!
12:22 pm

Last night I basically came to the conclusion that I did not want to continue breastfeeding. It's not worth it to me to be this stressed, depressed etc. I want to do what's best for monkey but at the same time I just can't take it anymore. Chris asked if I could at least try to tough it out until three month mark when it's supposed to get so much better. Last night I didn't think I was going to be able to. Today I'm not so sure. She isn't screaming like she was yesterday. Last night we had a hard time getting her to wake up so I could feed her around 11. The last time she ate was 8 and there was no way I was going to go to sleep to have her wake up hungry an hour later. I just couldn't do that but I would have to since she would have to eat. It would not be fun for either of us if that was to happen. She finally woke up enough to eat around 12 something and I was able to half way decently feed her then. Monkey slept until 6 this morning which was nice and had a really good feeding at that time. The one at 9am was also pretty good so it made me feel that maybe things were getting better due to taking the herbs again. The next feeding at 11 was more of the same crap. She didn't want to eat after the initial let down and fell asleep. UGH so I don't know what I'm going to do at all. I hate this breast feeding crap. Okkkay she is crying now ... UGH!

12:41 pm

I have no idea what that crying spell was about. I think she needs a nap and is being stubborn about it. The more and more I think about it, the more I really just want to switch to bottle feeding. I just can't handle the worry anymore about getting enough. That was fine when her diapers were normal but she has realllly small pee's sometimes and at least three times has gone without a pee for about 6 hours. Not good at all. I really don't want to worry about this anymore. The problem is actually switching though. We will see if that ever happens. I feel really defeated. But I have no more patience for bf. Having said that and even the shitty experiences this time around I would for sure try and breast feed any other children me and Chris may have and for as long as possible. I came to that conclusion yesterday and I feel good about it. Breast feeding for as long as you can is better then no breast feeding at all.

I know she is a baby and will have cranky times but when I am already worried about her not eating enough, it just doesn't help. If I knew how much she was getting and she was cranky then I could deal with it better because I would know it's not because she was starving or whatever. I'm surprised she is not screaming now. I went and got her when she was crying a bit ago and held her for a bit and she sort of fell asleep but then woke up and started crying again. I knew she was tired since she was rubbing her eyes when I set her on the couch. So I took a blanket, swaddled her in it and put her in the play pen with her soother. So now she is content and fell asleep. I just wonder how long this nap will last. :(
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