The waiting game again!

I am anxious for the end of the month so I can see if we have conceived or not. I really hope we have. I feel like time is running out. Every time I start thinking about it I get anxious and I don't even know what else. I will be disappointed if we aren't though. Unfortunately most nights we are too tired to even try. I am really beginning to hate afternoon shift even more. At least after I have the baby I will be home for awhile which really is where I want to be. There are so many things I want to be doing but I never seem to find the time to and when I have real motivation to I am at work and can't. Also I have no means to write at all while I am work. Well I can while I'm on break but seriously I get lots of ideas while I'm running the machine and really have no time to jot anything down.

I guess I'll just stick to journaling at work when I can. I have no idea where to start or how to start changing stuff so I would be more happier. I feel like something is wrong with me considering I should be happy? Chris is the awesomest. Things are starting to fall into place, like almost having enough saved to start looking for a house, starting to try  for a baby etc. We are better off then we ever were. Then why do I always feel like this then? Most of the time it's when I am at work or by myself at home. Even though I like being at home by myself sometimes, I prefer when Chris is home with me. I really wish we were on the same shift. Then we would see each other more. Who knows though it may eventually happen. At least in a years time hopefully I will be home on maternity leave.

blahh.. :( but still wishful thinking...

So yesterday I woke up with some cramps and by the time I got to my computer I had to take a few Advil and go lay down. It was horrible. After an hour I thought for sure it was going to last forever and I would not be able to make it to work, but if finally ebbed away. It was the worst pain ever :( I haven't had cramps that bad in a long time, and going through it again I'm glad that that is a rare occurrence. So I am a bit disappointed since that means no baby. Although today the period is almost non existent, so I don't know what to think. Is it break through bleeding or what? I know that part is really just wishful thinking on my part. I just hate waiting!

I've convinced myself I'm prego...

Last week I think I was convinced that I was pregnant because my stomach felt really weird off and on all weekend long. My breasts are also feeling huge and sore but really all this is like pre-menstruation symptoms. I am due for my period this week. I think I will be disappointed if I do get it. I just want to get the ball rolling with starting a family.

It's hard to say exactly when my most fertile time is but I guess in a few days we will see. I'm hoping to be prego by the end of April, that would be nice. Either way I have started on my path to no pop /aspartame as I don't want that to harm the baby. I have been drinking way to much pop lately anyways, so it's a good thing. Yesterday was horrible because I just wanted one so bad. I finally settled for a few sips of Chris's regular Pepsi. Today I have been okay so far. I haven't drank any water though but have had some clamato juice, some other juice and some flavoured water. Work will be the real challenge. I will just have to stick with water. The week days seem to be going by sooo slowly because I am anxious to see if I am pregnant or not!!! geeez!